Okay. Hear me out on Autistic!Little Baran, inspired by @/doe-eyed-hashimi , my own experiences and the fact I dislike Robby!
Baran doesn't publically announce her autism to people. Of course she doesn't, it's hard enough to be taken seriously as a female person of color in the medical field, much less a disabiled one. So, she keeps it close to her chest. Not quite hiding it but not being open about it either.
Baran who feels fake in relation her autism sometimes because she doesn't fit the neat expectations of a female autistic person. She isn't super socially awkward, she didn't only start showing symptoms during puberty, she doesn't have societally acceptable interests. She learnt how people behave over the years and mimic them. She has shown clear and obvious signs since she was a toddler. She has a life-long special interest in reptiles and a special interest in the human body that started in her teenage years.
Baran who didn't get a nice, normal childhood. Parly because of her autism, partly due to her seizures, and partly due to other factors. Things she keeps even closer to her chest than her autism. And because of this, she age regresses. A mix of voluntarily and involuntarily involuntarily. Primarily involuntarily until she finds a caregiver or two that she really, truly trusts.
Baran who experiences verbal shutdowns when overwhelmed or experiencing strong emotions of any kind. She becomes completely unable to talk, and it's quite frustrating for her. Mainly because she never has been properly accommodated for it.
Baran who sensory seeks, especially when little. She likes feeling new textures, listening to music or TV in the background, exploring new smells. She likes petting every animal she sees and books with textures inside. She doesn't just explore the world through her eyes, she uses her whole body.
Baran who sensory seeks but also has sensory issues. She hates loud noises that she doesn't prepare for. She's picky with her clothes textures. She is weird with food. Yes, it doesn't make sense. She doesn't get it either. But she can't help it.
Baran who gets hit hard with burn out. It leaves her unable to get out of bed unless she has to work, struggling to get up even to eat or use the bathroom. She spends alot of that time little, too, unable to handle big thoughts alongside her bone-deep exhaustion.
Baran who has a really hard time expressing affection and love for people in a way that is socially acceptable or makes sense. Words are really hard. And she only likes touch when she initiates it, with a few exceptions. But when she expresses affection, it's hard for people to understand. They don't get that her sitting quietly with them, not not talking and both doing seperate things is one of her favorite ways to show trust and affection. They don't understand that her info dumping is her trying to let them in on her interests. They don't understand the love language of Baran Al-Hashimi. They just think she's she's weird.
Baran who isn't a typical little. She has meltdowns and is fussy and needs routine. She needs alternative forms of communication that aren't verbal. She stims often, usually in loud or obvious ways, because she doesn't have the same filter she has when big to suppress them. She needs reassurance but won't ask for it so her caregiver has to learn to / know how to pick up on when she needs it.
Baran who keeps her autism hidden from everyone at work for the longest time possible because Robby yelling at her and treating her like she was stupid made her worry about being infantalized. So she doesn't tell anyone, deletes her draft of an email to Gloria about accommodations as Gloria had offered them upon giving her the position, and just deals with the meltdowns after every few shifts that leave her little and alone.
Baran who watches and does the same things over and over and over. But she learnt when she was younger that friends don't like that and think it's weird, so it doesn't even really cross her mind to try have any kind of playdate or hangout with other littles if/when she knew them. They wouldn't like her anyways.
Baran who silently accommodates every autistic patient or staff member she comes across, because deep down, her inner child wishes someone would do that for her.
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