Like zoinks Scoob, you tampered in god's domain!

jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself

Got thrown out of the tarot reading for counting cards. fuck this place

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

If you are attracted to a girl it's important to show her sinister artifacts and relics

T shirt that says “I ❤️ getting laid” & then on the back it says “to REST” with a photo of a coffin + the name & phone number for a local cemetery. Please follow for more advertising ideas

attaching something to an email is so scary. what if i accidentally put hard-core porn in there. i don't think i have any downloaded but what if i do and i attached it to the email. what then.

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

I've got to find myself more macrophage

Now Hiring: macrophages

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

idk man this is my first time living too

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.