tilda :3

people just keep ignoring us and showing surface level support for us but they do nothing to actually try and dismantle amanormativity or anything like that. people will reblog "aroace people are valid!" posts but then they dont engage or listen to us when we want to actually talk about issues we face.

and yeah, sure, it feels silly, but like. it is genuinely IMPOSSIBLE to escape amanormativity. i want to have fun in a fandom! thats why im here! i want to talk about characters i like, look at art and read fanfiction! i wanna see what people think about the same media i enjoy!!! but its so hard to do that when the vast majority of fandoms wants to talk about nothing but shipping.

and the phm fandom was SUCH a breath of fresh air! not only was it GENUINELY the first fandom where a main character was headcanoned as aroace- but it was also the first fandom where platonic relationships seemed to be the most important and talked about and praised. there were so many posts by aroace people talking about how grace being aroace resonated with them, how it makes his story more deep and meaningful and how good of a representation it is to how it is in the real world!

and people would reblog it and engage! ALLO people would reblog and show support to that headcanon!!!!! that never fucking happens! that never happens! previous fandoms ive been in would only have other aspec people interacting with those types of post! here it seemed the MAJORITY of the fandom would engage!

but now suddenly if you want to talk about how weird it is that people dropped the aroace grace thing in favor of a crossover crackship you get called a buzzkill and get told to just block the tag and ignore it and that people are just having fun.

yeah. people are having fun. much more fun that they had with the aroace grace thing it seems. bmary feels like it appeared out of nowhere and took over most of the fandom. aroace grace is not that fun now that theres a fun dude to ship him with.

and like. i really dont like feeling bitter and angry about this! but it is SO clear that people just genuinely do not fucking care about what aspec people have to say. to them us asking for some representation and acknowledgment is asking them to stop having fun.

i already said it before- bmary is a really interesting concept! but it is SO CLEAR to me that people just want to see two conventionally attractive people kiss and fuck at this point.

and i will say- theres nothing wrong with drawing and writing smut and kissing just for the sake of it. but it gets to a point where you have to wonder why thats the only fucking thing people care about.

(i also want to add on- i feel like as much as this is a bmary problem, it also seems like people are just moving on from the main platonic bond of the movie in general. i see more and more of romantic gracerocky every day, and while i absolutely adore them, it is...a little disappointing. because to me it just screams that its not enough for people and they need them to be something "more". with bmary is even WORSE because rocky gets sidelined almost EVERY TIME. graces whole thing about being a coward was changed when he met rocky! he almost died saving rocky! they would both die for each other! they are best friends! they mean the world to each other! thats canon!!! but when you insert simon, a new human to ship grace with- rocky doesnt matter as much and suddenly hes just a sidekick and almost like a pet. thats one of the reasons why my interest in bmary dropped so quick.)

so yeah. id say im sorry that im pissy and "ruining peoples fun" but also consider this: i do not give a single fuck about what allo people say at this point. wah wah wah an aspec person is talking shit about my favorite ship!

you can ship stuff, yes even romantically, and STILL keep a character as aspec.

maybe the character is aromantic but craves romance anyways- maybe they want go on dates and experience romance even if they cant fall in love. maybe theyre asexual and theyre not attracted to their partner but they like feeling good and close them in a very physical sense.

maybe theyre asexual but not aromantic- and they dont like sex! maybe the relationship is strictly romantic but not sexual! or the other way around- maybe theyre aromantic and not asexual and they get uncomfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship- but they still want sex!

and i have examples of my own ships and how i like them!

i love strattland when their relationship is not romantic in the slightest- i enjoy a friends/coworkers with benefits kinda relationship when it comes to them. its just stress relief for the both of them. i also saw someone say they view stratt as aplatonic- and honestly thats one of my favorite ways to look at her too. theyre not dating, theyre not even friends. theyre coworkers. they care for each other, but theres no love attached to that care.

i love carlgrace where neither of them are sure of their sexuality and they experiment with each other. carl is bicurious- is he attracted to men? hes not really sure, but hed be willing to try and see. grace has a complicated relationship with dating and sex- hes dated women before, but it never felt like anything else besides friendship. maybe hes gay? but men dont really seem different to him when it comes to attraction. bisexual then? carl and grace experimenting and figuring themselves out while staying friends.

one of my guilty pleasures when it comes to crossover ships is starstruck. i think that ship is funny as hell especially with aroace grace in the mix. one sided crush on ryders side is a particularly funny way to view the ship. another one is romance repulsed grace who just hits up ryder to hook up when hes in town visiting colt. they never talk or go on dates, its not an exclusive relationship, its just the occasional hookup. grace enjoys it because ryder doesnt want anything more. he doesnt even find him particularly attractive- he doesnt really find most people attractive, but he wants to feel nice without having to worry about someone catching feelings or expecting something more. and with how ryder sleeps around and doesnt particularly care to chit chat with him, its exactly what hes looking for.

when it comes to gracerocky as a ship, i enjoy a friends with benefits situation here as well. theyre both curious about the others biology and anatomy and its a nice little way to pass the time on the way to erid. mutually beneficial biology lessons. i also love a sex repulsed grace who just enjoys rockys company, just likes that theres finally someone in his life who wont expect anything else from him. grace who is finally sure that his partner wont expect sex as the next step in their relationship, that he wont see this as something to "deepen" their relationship.

aspec people are so used to just being pushed aside and ignored and we all had such a nice and fun time in the fandom when we were finally getting some representation (even if its not canon) and people were actually engaging with aspec points of view- but now we're all just disappointed. yeah.

people just keep ignoring us and showing surface level support for us but they do nothing to actually try and dismantle amanormativity or anything like that. people will reblog "aroace people are valid!" posts but then they dont engage or listen to us when we want to actually talk about issues we face.

and yeah, sure, it feels silly, but like. it is genuinely IMPOSSIBLE to escape amanormativity. i want to have fun in a fandom! thats why im here! i want to talk about characters i like, look at art and read fanfiction! i wanna see what people think about the same media i enjoy!!! but its so hard to do that when the vast majority of fandoms wants to talk about nothing but shipping.

and the phm fandom was SUCH a breath of fresh air! not only was it GENUINELY the first fandom where a main character was headcanoned as aroace- but it was also the first fandom where platonic relationships seemed to be the most important and talked about and praised. there were so many posts by aroace people talking about how grace being aroace resonated with them, how it makes his story more deep and meaningful and how good of a representation it is to how it is in the real world!

and people would reblog it and engage! ALLO people would reblog and show support to that headcanon!!!!! that never fucking happens! that never happens! previous fandoms ive been in would only have other aspec people interacting with those types of post! here it seemed the MAJORITY of the fandom would engage!

but now suddenly if you want to talk about how weird it is that people dropped the aroace grace thing in favor of a crossover crackship you get called a buzzkill and get told to just block the tag and ignore it and that people are just having fun.

yeah. people are having fun. much more fun that they had with the aroace grace thing it seems. bmary feels like it appeared out of nowhere and took over most of the fandom. aroace grace is not that fun now that theres a fun dude to ship him with.

and like. i really dont like feeling bitter and angry about this! but it is SO clear that people just genuinely do not fucking care about what aspec people have to say. to them us asking for some representation and acknowledgment is asking them to stop having fun.

i already said it before- bmary is a really interesting concept! but it is SO CLEAR to me that people just want to see two conventionally attractive people kiss and fuck at this point.

and i will say- theres nothing wrong with drawing and writing smut and kissing just for the sake of it. but it gets to a point where you have to wonder why thats the only fucking thing people care about.

(i also want to add on- i feel like as much as this is a bmary problem, it also seems like people are just moving on from the main platonic bond of the movie in general. i see more and more of romantic gracerocky every day, and while i absolutely adore them, it is...a little disappointing. because to me it just screams that its not enough for people and they need them to be something "more". with bmary is even WORSE because rocky gets sidelined almost EVERY TIME. graces whole thing about being a coward was changed when he met rocky! he almost died saving rocky! they would both die for each other! they are best friends! they mean the world to each other! thats canon!!! but when you insert simon, a new human to ship grace with- rocky doesnt matter as much and suddenly hes just a sidekick and almost like a pet. thats one of the reasons why my interest in bmary dropped so quick.)

so yeah. id say im sorry that im pissy and "ruining peoples fun" but also consider this: i do not give a single fuck about what allo people say at this point. wah wah wah an aspec person is talking shit about my favorite ship!

you can ship stuff, yes even romantically, and STILL keep a character as aspec.

maybe the character is aromantic but craves romance anyways- maybe they want go on dates and experience romance even if they cant fall in love. maybe theyre asexual and theyre not attracted to their partner but they like feeling good and close them in a very physical sense.

maybe theyre asexual but not aromantic- and they dont like sex! maybe the relationship is strictly romantic but not sexual! or the other way around- maybe theyre aromantic and not asexual and they get uncomfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship- but they still want sex!

and i have examples of my own ships and how i like them!

i love strattland when their relationship is not romantic in the slightest- i enjoy a friends/coworkers with benefits kinda relationship when it comes to them. its just stress relief for the both of them. i also saw someone say they view stratt as aplatonic- and honestly thats one of my favorite ways to look at her too. theyre not dating, theyre not even friends. theyre coworkers. they care for each other, but theres no love attached to that care.

i love carlgrace where neither of them are sure of their sexuality and they experiment with each other. carl is bicurious- is he attracted to men? hes not really sure, but hed be willing to try and see. grace has a complicated relationship with dating and sex- hes dated women before, but it never felt like anything else besides friendship. maybe hes gay? but men dont really seem different to him when it comes to attraction. bisexual then? carl and grace experimenting and figuring themselves out while staying friends.

one of my guilty pleasures when it comes to crossover ships is starstruck. i think that ship is funny as hell especially with aroace grace in the mix. one sided crush on ryders side is a particularly funny way to view the ship. another one is romance repulsed grace who just hits up ryder to hook up when hes in town visiting colt. they never talk or go on dates, its not an exclusive relationship, its just the occasional hookup. grace enjoys it because ryder doesnt want anything more. he doesnt even find him particularly attractive- he doesnt really find most people attractive, but he wants to feel nice without having to worry about someone catching feelings or expecting something more. and with how ryder sleeps around and doesnt particularly care to chit chat with him, its exactly what hes looking for.

when it comes to gracerocky as a ship, i enjoy a friends with benefits situation here as well. theyre both curious about the others biology and anatomy and its a nice little way to pass the time on the way to erid. mutually beneficial biology lessons. i also love a sex repulsed grace who just enjoys rockys company, just likes that theres finally someone in his life who wont expect anything else from him. grace who is finally sure that his partner wont expect sex as the next step in their relationship, that he wont see this as something to "deepen" their relationship.

aspec people are so used to just being pushed aside and ignored and we all had such a nice and fun time in the fandom when we were finally getting some representation (even if its not canon) and people were actually engaging with aspec points of view- but now we're all just disappointed. yeah.