This shameless Heirs smut is brought to you by this adorable messy morning Fili art by @linane-art !

Preview:

“Well, good morning to every inch of you, Kíli.”

Kíli may, possibly, have decided that getting dressed was a waste of valuable time this morning.

Though of course, he used an apron from his stash to protect the more vulnerable bits of his anatomy.

“You’re up early,” Kíli answered, carefully pouring the mixture into his favorite skillet before finally looking up. 

Fíli’s eyes, shame on him, were not focused properly on Kíli’s face.  They were, instead, looking down, where the trailing ties of his apron fluttered against the bare skin of his ass and thighs. 

Kíli most certainly didn’t lift up on his toes a tiny bit to show off the shift of muscle. Nor did he grin at Fíli’s soft little sound of approval. 

The (first) result of my seeing Nightwish in concert is a bit odd - a view into each member’s biggest fans!

Also if you read this on Ao3 earlier, I totally didn’t catch that it had screwed up, and one messed up bit of italics erased the Bofur and Dwalin sections and half the FiKi section.  Ah.  Oops.  It’s fixed now.

Here on AO3

Preview:

1. It isn’t her first time seeing them.  Not even the second. But it is the first time the concert is about them, the first time she’s waited through two agonizing hours of opening acts before the piped-in music goes silent and the entire stage goes-

Black

A sweep of lights over the audience, hundreds of people sucking in a shared anticipatory breath.

One light, cool and blue, a twirl of smoke and the scent of strong dwarven ale.

She sees them moving in the darkness, just shadows, heavy boots and high heels and one pair of feet, bare and silent.

The light focuses, grows.  Bare feet, black leather, a hint of dark blond curls-

A single note rises through the air, high and clear and perfect before his face lifts into the light.  Blue eyes and a slow smile that promised everything.

"Evening," Fili Durin purrs.

This story owes a lot to the lovely @kailthia and her wonderful Ri Heirs Headcanons!  Thank you!

-----

Becoming a part, even peripherally, of the Heirs of Durin allowed Dori to embrace his secret craft as never before.

Where once his brothering tendencies had been limited to a patient Ori and much less patient Nori, they now grew and extended to include the entire band plus occasional fellow peripherals such as Balin (who often needed soothing tea and someone to vent to) and the late-coming Oin, who joined them for their first tour as their required medical specialist.  Most of his affection, though, fell upon the core Heirs: Ori, Fíli, Kíli, Bilbo (somewhat bewildered, but accepting), Bofur (who seemed to luxuriate in it), and their elves, who may have been ancient but needed more looking after than all the dwarves combined.

His craft manifested itself in a number of quiet ways, with lunch orders and jackets and fresh tea. But there was a very physical way as well – Dori knitted.  Well, he knitted and crocheted, but only Nori could really tell the difference in the final product, so they all just called his gifts knitwear.

And of course, as he was a well-organized and responsible sort, Dori’s gifts were useful and…occasionally…indicative that he knew more about what was going on than the others thought.

It was no surprise to anyone when Fíli and Kíli received matching scarves.  After all, their romance was as much a part of Heirs as the music.  Everyone was impressed that he managed to make one in silver black and red – for Fíli – and the other silver black and blue, giving them a look that matched the two’s leather aesthetic, but not surprised.

They were a bit more shocked when a beautiful cape in greens and blues found itself across the shoulders of their blond elf – and a matching set of gloves over the thick hands of their lead guitarist.  There were several good days of teasing when winter hit – both articles were delightfully warm, and Gimli only scowled a bit as his cousins teased him about “not as subtle as you thought, huh?” and elbowed him more than was strictly necessary.

Naturally the Boffins were given matching headwear, though Bilbo’s was more understated, lacking both the top pompom and the side ear flaps that Bofur’s had.  The design was the same black-silver that Dori bought in bulk, but he went back and embroidered in blood red roses with thorn-covered vines.  Bilbo tugged it down over his pink ears when snow came to Dale, but Bofur wore his in all kinds of weather.  Bilbo sighed and said at least it was an improvement over the one that made him think of squirrels.

No one was overly surprised by Nori’s fox gloves – but eyebrows rose when Tauriel received a fox scarf and cowl.  It was passed off as a coincidence until Aster arrived with their coffee one day wearing a shawl in the same overall pattern and colors.

“Mind you own business,” Nori growled as the band looked back and forth among the three, clearly confused.

Dori smiled sweetly back.  “I have no idea what you mean,” he said, and adjusted Nori’s gloves.

Perhaps the most shocked, though, was Dwalin on the day he received a simple scarf in grays and browns with gold thread worked in.  The color was familiar, but he couldn’t place it – until he saw Ori’s new, plusher scarf in the same gray and blue of Dwalin’s eyes.

Dori saw the recognition in Dwalin’s face as the cellist looked from Ori’s hazel eyes to his new scarf.  He rested a brotherly hand on Dwalin’s shoulder – brotherly, if strong enough to make a bone creak – and said, “Be good,” in a pleasant voice that promised divine retribution if Dwalin screwed anything up.

Kíli loved boots. Deeply.

While of course his heart belonged fully to his Fíli, his feet were the sole property of his growing collection of overpriced, endlessly quirky boots.

It began when he was a gangly youth in his 50s, that stage where he and Fíli spent as much time snarling at each other as they did as best friends. Vali, out of the boys’ hearing, defined their relationship as “I Love You You’re My Brother and My Best Friend But GROOOOWL Outta My Face,” and it was an accurate if dramatic description of those turbulent 50s and 60s. Living with them wasn’t easy, but was occasionally melodramatically amusing.

On the occasion in question, the family was visiting their cousins in the Iron Hills, and Kíli was off on his own, brooding over his brother’s latest obnoxious behavior (something to do with how attractive Fíli’s hair was and how…well…Kíli’s was, and Fíli didn’t have to point it out, the ass).  The Hills were famous for their local artisans, who sold their goods during weekend markets in one of the area’s most beautiful valleys.  Busy and thriving, it was a good place for a skinny, half sized dwarf to work his way out of a sulk while his brother was off touring the factories and mining facilities with Dain.

Sometimes it was good to be the younger sibling.

The boots were one of twelve pairs at the stand, and they caught his eye immediately.  Sturdy and well-made, they also happened to be covered in roses with glistening thorns – an image that greatly appealed to the angst twirling around behind his fierce eyebrows.  They weren’t cheap – he handed over every dime he had to the smiling, informative bootmaker – but they were worth it.

The next year, when they went to see Cousin Dain, Kíli bought a second pair, covered with skulls with crossed-bone bowties.  

From then on, it was an annual voyage.  Sometimes he went alone, sometimes with family; but every year, he would buy another pair of boots, and he and the pair of talented dwarven ladies who made them were soon on a first-name basis.   When email became prevalent, images would pop between them, ideas for boot designs and colors.  He even invited them to one of the Heirs’ first shows, and was thrilled when they showed up.

By the time Kíli was settling into his apartment with Fíli, he had a collection of over twenty boots, each one unique and carefully maintained.  

“We’ll need an entire room for your shoes!” Fíli growled as he pulled out the 14th tissue wrapped pair.

“Then it’s a good thing we have a guestroom,” Kíli answered, and his eyebrows sent the love of his life a clear message that there would be no argument.

There wasn’t.  Fíli could always interpret his eyebrows, sometimes better than Kíli interpreted his own feelings.

When they became world famous, so did the boots – and the prices went up as well.  Kíli was always thrilled to tell anyone who asked where he got his boots with the watercolor lilies, or the pair with the paintings of tabby cats, or the pair with the hard rock band emblems.  After all, one of the most common questions he was asked was how many times he had squashed Fíli’s bare feet in his heavy boots (the answer: Never!  Well..okay maybe like, one half of a time), and it was easy to show the shoes in question off during that answer.  He even carried business cards and helped his friends to set up their first website for their one-of-a kind, hand-made shoes.

You can find the illustration that goes with this article here.

By Bard Bowman

I first met the Heirs of Durin a couple of years ago, when they needed their first set of official portraits.  I wasn’t the first photographer they’d requested – I think I was around the sixth or seventh in line, and the first to agree despite the controversy that already surrounded them.  Elves!  Brothers in love!  Strange music!  It was all more than some companies could take.  But I was an independent contractor, and their manager, Balin, son of Fundin, contacted me directly.

I was curious, so of course I said yes.

I found the Heirs to be friendly, fascinating, and vivacious.  They laughed and teased and growled and argued a bit, and insisted that I include pictures of their songwriter as a member of the band, over Mr. Baggins’ objections.  The shoot took three days and was one of the greatest challenges of my career to that point (so many personalities!  So many opinions!  And Gimli!) – but it was all worth it in the end.  I’ve kept busy on the Heirs’ dime, and when the Playlass shoot came up, they insisted that I take part.

There is no one in the world more loyal than a dwarf.

Playlass loves outdoor shoots, and there is something about natural light that makes everything just that touch more beautiful.  We met beside the Lake of Durin, on the largest piece of land the family currently owns.  Kíli said it was one of his and Fíli’s favorite places, quiet and beautiful and private.  “Where we can be ourselves,” he said, though it’s hard to imagine the two of them every hiding who they are from anyone.  

It wasn't my first time at the lake when I arrived for the official shoot.  My assistants and I had been there the two days previous, scouting out the best times and places, testing the light, praying the weather would hold. The location was as beautiful as promised, and the weather perfect and warm.  Everything aligned for a great day of shooting, and we could play with the natural light and shadow as the sun moved among the trees.

Now, let’s be straight here: I had never taken a picture of one of the Heirs with so much as a bare chest (yes even Fíli wears at least a vest), so a bare everything was a new adventure for all of us.  The shoot was meant to be about Kíli, son of Dis, but of course he showed up with Fíli on his heels.  They’re night and day in more than looks, those two: Kíli is all grins and greetings and occasionally misused names; Fíli is slow smiles and quiet eyes that watch everything around him.  

Of course I explained that we’d have to peel off some of Kíli’s layers.  I don’t know if you’ve ever worked with a dwarf and told him to take his clothes off, but it’s a hilarious situation to be in.  He looked horribly scandalized, and Fíli was choking in an attempt not to laugh out loud at him.  Kíli, you see, is a dwarf of appropriate layers, even if his brother isn’t.  He turned bright red, right up to his ears, and my assistants excused themselves for quiet background gigglefits.

Kíli’s damn adorable when he’s embarrassed.

“Excuse us,” Fíli said.  “If you’ll all just head out, I’ll have a word with him.”

Unorthodox, but then what isn’t when these two are involved?  So we took a breather to polish off the doughnuts kindly supplied by Playlass (there may have been some inappropriate jokes made with a classic round doughnut and a twist, but I had nothing to do with that; I’m a professional).  I’m not sure how long it was – perhaps ten minutes – before Fíli called out that we could come back in.

They were completely naked.

Generally, I don’t go straight for the gusto.  I mean, you start with the shirtless shots and go from there.  And certainly you don’t generally have the subject’s lover lounging around in the nude as well, for what appeared to be the hell of it.

“He feels better if it’s both of us,” Fíli said.  Unlike his brother, Fíli looked utterly comfortable, poking his nose curiously around the equipment.  Kíli was standing stock still, trying to look relaxed.  

He was not relaxed at all.  I won’t tell you how I know.

All right then.

It took a moment to shake my assistants out of their understandable but decidedly unprofessional stupor.  Then we got to work.

The first pictures are terribly awkward, Kíli smiling oddly and visibly fighting the urge to cover himself.  He was doing his best, but every shot looked like a driver’s license or mugshot, strangely underdressed.  

We took a break, and he fussed – fussed and talked and talked and fussed (I’m not a human, Fíli, how did I let you and Gloin talk me into this madness, I’m cold I want my shirt), as Fíli stood by him and smiled to himself.

And then this happened.

Right in the middle of Kíli’s nervous chatter, Fíli reached out, slid a hand to Kíli’s neck, pushed onto his toes, and bit down gently on his neck.

It did take a moment for Kíli to stop talking.  Fíli seems to be used to this.

(Did I mention they were nude?)

It’s a beautiful shot, and I’m astonished they let me use it.  

The ease they have with each other, even in such an uncomfortable situation; the press of bodies so familiar that Kíli moved into Fíli’s hands without a thought; Fíli’s gentle amusement and Kíli’s embarrassment and just-

Kíli melted into his arms, and there’s a picture of that too, but some things are too private, even for Playlass.

From there things went well, indeed.  Fíli talked as Kíli posed, mostly about photography, which is a hobby of his (apparently these are not the first nudes of Kíli in history, but whe cruelly said that no, we couldn’t see his collection) and soon Kíli’s eyes were alive and playful. We even got some shots of Fíli, which I’m sure Playlass will be highly interested in.  After all, if you have an issue with one brother, there should be one with the other.

But I could be biased.

Clothes were added on later (always doing things backwards, these two), and Kíli showed his stage presence when Fíli told him to “do the thing with the eyebrows.”

Instant sex god, no more puppy.  It’s an incredible transformation to watch.

So you can thank Fíli for that cover picture.  I certainly did.

Playlass - Kili Edition - Pages 4 and 5

Article text: here

Fullsize article: here

Fullsize artwork: here

Playlass cover: here

Pages 2 and 3: here

Pages 4 and 5: here

Pages 6 and 7: here

The Playlass Project is created by Dragonsquillwrites (articles) and Linane-art (artwork). It exists within the Heirs of Durin Universe, created by Dragonquillwrites.

Let it be known that both authors now have huge cravings for some ribs.

You can find the illustration that goes with this article here.

Ingredients:

2 whole slabs pork baby back ribs

Dry Rub:

8 tablespoons light brown sugar, tightly packed

3 tablespoons kosher salt

1 tablespoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon jalapeno seasoning

1/2 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning

1/2 teaspoon rubbed thyme

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

Braising Liquid:

1 cup white wine

2 tablespoons white wine vinegar

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

1 tablespoon honey

2 cloves garlic, chopped

Total Time: 4 hr 35 min Prep: 1 hr 10 min Cook: 3 hr 25 min

Yield: 2 slabs ribs Level: Intermediate

Since Kili is the cook of his family, I ask if he'd mind whipping up one of his favorites.  He says he'd be happy to, though I can’t see the final product - it takes four hours to cook.  I am privileged to see this all in his home kitchen, which is as comfortable as the rest of their Erebor home, but has state of the art cooking equipment.  Fresh vegetables are in neat bowls on the island, and there are excellent knives and beautiful cooking pots neatly lined up on one wall.

“I took a lot of cooking classes,” Kíli explains as he ties on a light blue apron with the words Kiss the Drummer embroidered on the front, “and the rest I pick up from a terrible addiction to cooking shows.  I have notebooks full of notes, and some box sets of my favorites, courtesy of Fíli.”

“Does Fíli cook at all?” I ask, making myself comfortable on a stool at their high counter.

Kíli laughs at this, and yes, my heart melts a little and maybe I want to wrap him in a blanket.  I’m starting to understand why his fans call him “the puppy” and “the sex god” in one breath.  The fact that he’s putting his hair up in a bun doesn’t help matters.  “Absolutely not!  He helps, and he’s great at chopping up vegetables and keeping me company, but I don’t allow him near any actual heat.  This is my thing.”

The recipe is from the South Gondor television show Good Eats, hosted by Alton Brown and property of Food Network.

Kili is a charming cook, with a unique view and great fondness for the kitchen, so I have provided his commentary in full - the best way to listen to him cook, I promise, especially in that low, sultry voice of his.

Kíli: Okay!  We're going to make my favorite recipe of all time, which is this baby back ribs recipe I'd love to say I designed but I didn't.  I got it off Good Eats, which is a favorite show of mine for learning a lot of the basics.  The first thing you need, of course, is a great butcher and a big hunk of baby back ribs.  

Playlass: A big hunk?  

Kili: Oh, that'd be, ah, 2 full slabs.  And make sure it's pork.  OKAY!  First you turn the oven on to 107 degrees.  Don't let your brother do this because he thinks that estimating something like "around 115" is somehow acceptable, and this is why he is not allowed to do anything but chop vegetables in the kitchen.  Looks sexy when he does though, great knife work, he was trained with swords and daggers you know.  

Now, first we make the dry rub.  You start with about one decent handful of brown sugar in your bowl.  Fluff it up a bit, because you’re going to mix it with other stuff and you don’t want to beating this hard ball of sugar while you do so.  

Playlass: A good handful?  But not all hands are the same.  Don’t you measure?

Kíli: For…baking, sure.  But this isn’t baking, so I just do it this way.  I’m sure you can find proper measurements online.  It’s some number of…tablespoons I think, which translates into a decent handful, not to be confused with a loose handful or a solid handful, which are different things.

Playlass: Of course they are.

Kíli: SO to your sugar you add a palm of salt, a half palm of chili powder, and generous pinch plus each of cayenne pepper, some kind of pepper seasoning, some Old Bay, thyme, and onion powder, all topped off with some fresh twists of black pepper!  And that’s your rub.   Set up your little rib houses with aluminum foil

(Writer’s note: this means prepping them on aluminum foil that can hold in liquid and be tented to hold the braising later)

Kíli: And rub on the rub.  Don’t be a baby about it.  Rub that stuff in there like you want it to have a long nap in sugar and spices.  Then pop it in the fridge.

Oh.  Maybe I should point out that we shouldn’t have turned the oven on yet.  Whoops.  Because this needs to stay in the fridge an hour.  So turn OFF the stove and spend some time chopping up the delicious fresh veggies that you’ll have on the side – and don’t let dwarves tell you veggies aren’t awesome.  Peppers are the best of all veggies, of course, but carrots are good and tomatoes are a great acid, especially if you grill them.  You can stir fry them if you like, maybe caramelize some onions and mix in some seasoning.  Whatever you want, you won’t be cooking it just yet anyway.  

Playlass: You’re a fan of vegetables?

Kíli: I am!  And I’ve managed to make most of the family eat more too.  We don’t need as much as humans, of course, but it’s still good not to live off bread, meat, and potatoes.  I don’t like to mess with them a lot, myself.  I want them to have a nice crunch.  Course, there’s no vegetable Ori’s a friend with.  He hates green things.

Playlass: I wouldn’t have thought that!

Kíli: Oh yeah, he’s a completely picky eater and would live off steak if his brothers would let him.   Dwalin, though, he’ll try about anything and usually likes it.  He believes someone else cooking is the best ingredient!  Tonight, I think we’ll just warm them up a bit in some olive oil and eat them with a nice crunch.

When your hour of refrigerating ribs is almost up, you make the braising liquid.  First ingredient is a decent white wine!   Always take a few good gulps, you know, to test the quality.

(Writer’s note: If this is “decent” wine, I’d love to see what good wine is.  It’s delicious.  Also, continued testing was required, so I was served a lovely flute full.)

Kíli: You’ll need a cup or so of this, some cloves of garlic – that’s Fíli’s job – mince them up, double splash of white wine vinegar, double splash Worcestershire sauce, and a splop of honey.  Divide it in half and pour it in your rib houses, and now pop them in the oven for two and a half hours.  But since you won’t be here that long, here’s the rest:

Pull them back out after two and a half hours and pour out the braising liquid in a pot.  Reduce it by half – that’ll take way longer than you think so you might want to keep the ribs warming a bit – brush the glaze on and put it under the broiler until caramelized.

And you will have the most delicious ribs in history, which also happen to be my Fíli’s favorite, and he’s going to be very pleased indeed that we’re having it tonight, which means definite hand holding and under the table footsie and then retiring for things I’m not going to tell you about.

Playlass: At this point, my day becomes the best day ever, because the front door opens and in walks Fíli Disarson, arms bare and damp – he’s been outside in the light rain, obviously, and curls of hair are stuck to his cheeks.  He walks in and takes a butterfly clip from his left pocket, pushing on his toes a bit and gathering a loose section of Kíli’s hair up to clip it in place.  

Fíli: Yes, I think that’s for the best.  We have to keep a few secrets.  

Playlass: A second clip and then-

Fíli: And you’re the one who always fusses about hair being up while cooking!

Kíli: I got distracted!

Fíli: We both know you’ve been practicing for this for years.  Kíli’s Cooking Show, courtesy of Playlass magazine.

Playlass: Then he turns that smile on me – all his fans know the one – and my heart is doing ridiculous little pitter pats in my chest when he politely points out that my interview time is over.  Kíli immediately insists I tell him when my upcoming interview with Fíli is scheduled – he’ll make sure I have some ribs to try then.  Fíli laughs and says it sounds like we’ll be having a dinner interview.  He wraps his arms around Kíli’s waist.  Kíli leans comfortably into his hold, like he was born to be there.  

They’re beautiful together.

Playlass - Kili Edition - Pages 2 and 3

Article text: here

Fullsize article: here

Fullsize artwork: here

Textless artwork: here

Playlass cover: here

Pages 4 and 5: here

Pages 6 and 7: here

The Playlass Project is created by Dragonsquillwrites (articles) and Linane-art (artwork). It exists within the Heirs of Durin Universe, created by Dragonquillwrites.

We hope you’ll enjoy this little personal meeting with our favourite band-members <3

You can find the illustration that goes with this article here.

Adorable puppy or sensual god of rock’n’roll?  The gorgeous Heirs of Durin drummer and co-founder takes a moment out of his best-selling world tour for all our readers.

I've been talking to Kili Disarson - drummer and co-founder of the internationally acclaimed Heirs of Durin - for over forty minutes, and for the first time I've lost my train of thought.

It's hard not to focus completely on Kili.  He's relaxed and gregarious, welcoming me to his comfortable Erebor home with a selection of coffee and hot chocolate, ensuring my chair is comfortable (it's usually for "Legs" he says cheerfully, and it takes me a moment to realize he means Legolas, one of the elves in his band), and assuring me he's up for any questions I might ask.  

But just now, his friendly smile has fallen to parted lips, and his dark eyes are unfocused as the subject turns, with some delicate nudging on my part, to his famous relationship with Fíli Disarson – his brother.

His voice dips low and warm anytime I ask him about Fili, but now there's a low purr there that would send a warm shiver down anyone's spine.  

"Kissing," he says.  "I could just curl up with him and kiss for days.  I'd stolen a few kisses here and there, you know, before, but Fili - he's so focused and when all that attention is on me it's just - warmth and love and foreplay all at once.  Like I'm the only thing in the world he cares about."

I don't think I've ever heard anyone sound so thoroughly in love.

Playlass: You're best known for your music, of course, but also for your extravagant stage shows - and tendency toward being exhibitionists on stage.  Is that part of an act, or does that carry over into your personal lives as well?

Kili: An act?  No way.  Anything that happens on stage happens because - have you seen Fili on stage?!  He's gorgeous.  This band and its sound are so much a product of his mind and his soul, and when he plays his whole self goes into it.  It's the sexiest thing in the world, Fili playing, and there's no way I can just keep my hands to myself.  (he smiles, slow and pleased)  And I'm the only one allowed to touch, so I do.

Playlass: And in private?

Kili: I still can't keep my hands to myself.  I'm a big fan of cuddling, and so there's lots of that.  And hand holding and kisses - his nose, by the way, is made for kissing - and hands in pockets, that sort of thing.  If that's considered exhibitionism - I'm not sure that's a word, but let's go with it - then yeah, I guess we are.  But it's not to show off for other people.  It's just for the two of us.

If other people are in the room, well, they best learn to deal with it.  Trust me, Gimli complains enough for about twelve people, just because he and his think it’s fun to pretend they don’t like each other in front of other people!

Playlass: Well, since we're on the topic of shows, there was an interview once where Fili implied you prefer to go commando on stage.  Is that true?

Kili: He loves teasing you people!  No, no, I wear these pants on stage that are basically painted on, and have a zipper, so commando would lead to pain. You want some cloth between any special dwarf bits and that zipper. Besides, it's more fun to wear something that can be pulled down with, you know - teeth.

(Writer's Note: How Kili can go from adorable puppy to a sensual creature who makes my heart speed up is a mystery to me, but he is very good at it.)

Playlass: OKay, now I have to know - how do you get INTO those jeans?

Kili: Lots of wiggling and grunting and it's a lot less sexy and a lot more ridiculous than it sounds. Sometimes hopping in involved, and once Gmili got tired of watching me and sort of shoved me in.  That was a terrifying experience.

Playlass: Ah, well.  Now, speaking of fashion – teeth removal or no- I don't suppose there's any chance you might consider adopting some of Fili's fashion choices?  

Kili: Are you asking to see more of my gorgeous body?  Sorry, no, Fili's the one who went off and lived among Men too long and forgot how to be cold.  I'm a proper and very cold-natured Dwarf.  I like things like sleeves.  Of course, that doesn't mean I haven't stolen some of his clothes here and there.  (He leans over here and picks up a pile of cloth from the arm of the otherwise very neat sofa, a very soft, oversized, and well worn Gondor Fighting Ents hoodie that is as far from his usual metal look as possible)  This is the most comfortable thing in the world, and it is 100% stolen from Fili.

Playlass: Oh, your fans will love that!  Do you steal each other’s clothes often?

Kíli: Not as often as I’d like, maybe.  Fíli’s smaller but broader than me, so most of it doesn’t fit.  He’s gorgeous, but not always conveniently sized.  He’s stolen a couple of my jackets, though, since he never wears his own.  Valar forbid he cover his arms like a sensible person.

Playlass: That sounds like typical brother behavior.

Kili: Well, we are brothers soooooo we're good at annoying each other when the situation calls for it.  

Playlass: And that, of course, is the most fascinating part of your story, and one that you haven't told because most interviewers won't ask.  The two of you are a couple, but you're also brothers.  How does that work?

Kili: It's...I guess I should say it's complicated, and there's a lot of confusion where one begins and the other ends, but there's really not.  I can't tell you how it's different from other relationships because I've only been in love once, so it's just - who we are?  I mean, we know how to get on each other's nerves and we've seen each other at our worst, and Fili can be annoyingly overprotective big brother, but we've seen each other at our best, too, and we're comfortable enough with each other to really talk things out when we need to, and maybe I need someone overprotective sometimes.  I can't imagine Fili not being my brother and I can't imagine Fili not being my lover.  We're just-we work.  As a whole.  The two of us.

Playlass: How did it happen?

Kíli: Mmm…we were apart for a while when Fíli went to University.  And it just sort of developed naturally.  When he got home, we….ah…talked it out.  And decided to…give it a try.  And it worked, obviously.  Really well.  All of it.  We really just fit together.  

Playlass: The two of you have matching tattoos on your wrists.  Does that have to do with your being lovers?

Kili: Yeah.  Yeah.  Fili, like-well, both of us - it's not illegal, you know.  Loving each other.  But we can't get married even though we're both adults and- well.  So this is our vow to each other.  It's the old royal symbol, but it's cut in half.  He has half and I have half so it's only complete when we're together.  This is our vow.  

Playlass: Like the song?  "Inked in Your Skin, Burned in Mine"?

Kili: Exactly like that.  The tattoo on my back, too, that your photographer loved so much.  That’s music for the two of us as well.  A little less romantic, a lot more sexy.

Playlass: Okay, so here's a more general question, but one that a lot of people wanted us to ask you: what do you do for fun when you're not on stage?  With or without Fili?

Kili: My mother says I'm addicted to hobbies, and she's pretty much right.  There's loads of things I like to do for fun.  My favorite's probably cooking.  I took some cooking courses and I'm good at it.  Fili's not.  He's terrible.  he's great at chopping things an even size, though, so that's his job along with keeping me company.  But for some reason, he can't focus on cooking like he does other things and he burns stuff.  I cook all the family dinners and whatnot now, and I make excellent coffee.  I'm a licensed massuese as well, though mostly I just work on the band.  Fili, Ori, and the Boffins get way too intense sometimes and need to be relaxed.  Pillow fights, massage, and hot chocolate are all good for that.

Playlass: The Boffins?

Kili: That'd be Bofur and Bilbo Baggins.  We call them the old marrieds because they're so cute together, but actually Fili and I have been together longer.  By a few months or something.

Playlass: What about your parents?  And your relationship?

Kíli: They were…it was hard at first but they love us.  And they support us.  ….They could prooobably do with less nibbling on stage, though.  When Mom’s at a concert we try to behave ourselves.  You know.  Hands above the waist, that sort of thing.

Playlass: You don’t usually have a hands above the waist rule?!

Kíli: Fíli has a really excellent backside, if you haven’t noticed.  I can’t be expected to just IGNORE that, can I?

Playlass: Well of course not.

Kíli: No one else does, either, if you read what they say about him on the internet!  Most of which is accurate, by the way.  Brilliant, talented, visionary, great ass.  They just don’t know that he’s also overprotective, loving, forgets to sleep, and has worked to make us all a family.  They don’t know there’s a lot more to Fíli than just the genius.  

Playlass: Do you ever have any regrets?  About being in such an unconventional relationship?

Kíli: …Never.  Sometimes people piss me off – especially people who try to act like Fíli being a few years older than me makes a difference, like I wasn’t an adult before any of this happened, like Fíli would have do anything other than be overprotective of me – but that’s their problem, not mine.  I have the one person in the universe meant for me.  You don’t just go around regretting that.

LIGHTNING ROUND

As always, we have five questions sent in by readers, and the only answers he can give are yes or no and we, tragically, can’t ask for any more details.

1. Personal nude photos? Kili: Yes!

2. Adventurous in bed? Kili: 100% and enthusiastic yes

3. Adventurous… other places? Kili: Ohhh yes

4. SEX TAPE? Kili: ah...ah........yes