I can honestly say that I have never been the most confident person. I know, shocking right? (sarcasm intended)
I, like many others, have had plenty of trials and tribulation when it comes to my outer image. I was never conflicted as a young kid and never worried about my super thin frame and my bruised up legs due to playing a bit too aggressively. I felt the most beautiful and strong when I was playing hard and using my body as it was intended.
This changed by the age of 14, when I started to put on weight and gain hips, thighs, and weight in areas I previously didn't have. I went from being the one often called “toothpick” (a nickname that I never agreed with) to being normal and even a bit husky to some.
It for sure was a shock and one I was not prepared for, it was at that moment that I first began to notice the concept of an “ideal weight.” I started to believe that I needed to loose weight in order to feel beautiful and strong again, just like I felt as a kid. I began to only drink fruit juice in the hopes of loosing weight. To my horror, I started gaining weight from all the sugar that was contained in what I believed was a healthy diet option.
I’ve been up and down ever since, even as far as becoming a binge eater due to the stress of my early college transition. After that low point, I began to realize that the constant struggle with my “ideal image” was ruining my thirst and happiness that I once had in life.
It was with this time conteplating my previous choices and attitudes, that I had a sudden epiphany on my struggle for self acceptance. I was the only one that truly noticed a problem. The ones I loved, the friends I had accumulated, and the impact I made on those that were present in my life had one thing in common:
They had never once judged me for the way I looked, but rather for the type of person I had become.
I started to realize that I was proud of my choices and the person that they led me to become. After a long time of practicing, this so called “self-love” technique, I started to not love the person I had become, but also all my external features. My slightly crooked side nose, my frizzy and curly hair, and even my thighs (an area I have had the most trouble accepting) cellulite, stretch marks, and all. I finally had the realization that many of you have had or will one day have, you are perfectly you in every shape and form.
and you know what? You are beautiful, worthy of all good things, and you're outer features only enhance that! It is with these feelings that I finally took close up portraits of myself in order to express a sort of finality to all of this.
Of course there are still days where I get up, look in the mirror, and just want to crawl back to bed and not try. We all have those times, but just remember you are not alone.
There are no expectations for you to look a certain way or become a certain type of person, just be the best human being you can be and the world will be that much better for it.
Just my two cents! feel free to respond! and please spread this message around, there is enough negativity in the world already, so lets spread a little love and kindness :)
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