untitled thoughts

sometimes you’ll feel heavy and your chest will constrict so hard and you won’t be able to breathe and you won’t know the reason why

and you will lay your head on that hardwood table and look into the distance and your mind will wander

why is this happening you have no idea and faces start to appear in the inner depths of your mind

they start by creeping through your brain and then you cannot move and then they crawl onto your heart and then you suddenly cannot breathe

your eyes get teary but you don’t know why

your chest gets heavy and you look for the answer by looking up at the sky

to realize you cannot see the abstract where’s the lie

small words those gazes as you type you erase the letters one by one space by space

and you tap and tap and tap the delete button

you want to delete it you want to delete the feeling you want to delete the thoughts you want to erase yourself

where is the lie

you try to cling to yourself you pinch your skin to direct the hurt away

and you bump your forehead on the wooden table once twice thrice

it won’t go away (why won’t it go away)

(maybe if i close my eyes it would)

and you try to reach stretch your arm away far far away maybe someone will finally grasp your tiny feeble hand

a string holds you back it cuffs your wrists together and you cannot move and you cannot speak

suddenly your throat itches the words cling to your voice box they bang on the walls and they want to get out

but you can’t and your brain screams but you can’t and your chest heaves but you can’t and your eyes burn and your tears fall but

you can’t

(i want to

but i can’t)

(please understand)

and you still try to reach no one is on the other side a voice whispers to your ear “it’s not worth it”

and with one flick you resign and it pulls you sudden and hard it’s suffocating (i can’t breathe)

and you fall and you fall and fall and fall and fall and fall and

fall

a never ending

fall

but everytime you feel like being pulled even closer closer to the end

but you cannot see the end (why won’t this end

can’t i make it end)

but maybe sometimes you’ll feel heavy and your chest will constrict so hard and you won’t be able to breathe and you won’t know the reason why

when the Greeks first learned how to establish rational theories without the influence of old traditions, they learned that when things change, there are other things that remain unchanged; otherwise there must be something that would be created out of nothing, which is impossible.

so when you think your life has changed for the worse and you think that everything has already went downhill, think again because there would always be things (people, thoughts, learning, family) that would always remain constant—those things that you have not noticed yet but have always been there—and those things would never fail to help you be resilient in whatever challenges you are facing right now.

four five six plenty of incapabilities to fix

seven eight nine your burden’s like mine

ten eleven twelve don’t take it upon your self

thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen everyone’s the same, have you seen?

twenty easier said than done— but you don’t have to worry about a thing, honey