anika ash

my brain: cool. now that you have some money, i guess it wouldn’t hurt to treat yourself to one item of equal cost. 

me: *browses the app for hours before hesitantly buying one shirt*

my brain: nice. time to go to bed. it’s 3am. 

me: *starts buying everything that i saved* 

my brain: woah slow down! why did you do that?

me: recieving mail makes me feel accomplished. 

me on adderall: works on essay for ten hours with no breaks, food, or water but gets a B

2012: what is gay??? 

2013: i guess i am an ally

2014: i am a strong ally

2015: maybe a little gay?

2016: kinda gay?

2017: gay

aries: “kick names, take ass”

taurus: “he looks like a pirate…had a baby with an angel”

gemini: “that 50% of me that's stupid, that's 100% you”

cancer: “whoa, whoa, whoa, please don't put your eggs in me!”

leo: “don't forget this might be dangerous, so let's put on our mean faces”

virgo: “you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards!”

libra: “we didn’t think of that” “i’m sure you tried your best”

scorpio: “it will kill you” “only if i die” “...yes that’s what ‘kill you’ means”

sagittarius: “what master do i serve? what am i supposed to say, jesus?”

capricorn: “i like your plan. except, it sucks. so let me do the plan and that way it might be really good”

aquarius: “get lost, squidward!”

aries: love your perfume. what is that, the stench of death?

taurus: remember when i brought you that cookie? that was a real cookie. 

gemini: hey, if you like a girl, can you light her cigarette with your pinkie? because that would be real classy.

cancer: what was that? i should kill everyone and escape? sorry. the voices. i’m kidding! that's not what they really said. 

leo: they became the king and queen of gotham city. and god help anyone who disrespected the queen. ( what a fucking meme )

virgo: i'm talking a flying, spell-casting, making-shit-disappear witch.

libra: i actually prefer to think of myself as an asset relocation specialist.

scorpio: stupid bat, you're ruining date night!

sagittarius: evolution took a step back with this one.

capricorn: because getting people to act against their own self-interests for the national security of the united states is what i do for a living.

aquarius: if this man shoots me, i want you to shoot him and then clean my browser history.

aries: get the hell off my property before i blast you so full rock salt, you crap margaritas!

taurus: hey, see if they've got any pie. bring me some pie. i love me some pie.

gemini: you were wasted by a teenage mutant ninja angel?

cancer: on thursdays, we're teddy bear doctors.

leo: driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.

virgo: your half-caf, double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, francis.

libra: check it out. four score and seven years ago...i had a funny hat.

scorpio: zombie-ghost orgy, huh? well, that's it. i'm torching everybody.

sagittarius: yeah, you know what? there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. in fact, i hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!

capricorn: boy, you put your foot on my coffee table, i’m gonna whack you with a spoon.

aquarius: my name is dean winchester. i’m an aquarius. i enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women. and i did not kill anyone.

aries: it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends

taurus: after all, to the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure

gemini: anything's possible if you've got enough nerve

cancer: numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it

leo: it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities

virgo: people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right

libra: if you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals

scorpio: it is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more

sagittarius: happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light

capricorn: indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike

aquarius: the truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution 

aries: if you see my dad on the highway to hell, kick his a-s-s for me

taurus: with great power comes great need to take a nap. wake me up later. 

gemini: catch that last episode of doctor who? oh, right. you were trudging through the pit of eternal damnation!

cancer: so...giants who can throw mountains. friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. evil espresso drinks. gotcha. maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter.

leo: i'm the super-sized mcshizzle, man! i'm leo valdez, bad boy supreme. and the ladies love a bad boy.

virgo: fighting shrimpzilla with a dagger and a pretty voice? not so effective.

libra: what horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into hades' underwear?

scorpio: i will trample you to death, silly chinese canadian baby man

sagittarius: “i'm fine!" percy yelled out as he ran by, followed by a giant screaming bloody murder.

capricorn: well done, frank zhang. that is exactly how people beat chinese handcuffs. they turn into iguanas.

aquarius: you hit the lord of the titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush? 

aries: violent

taurus: clingy

gemini: “bipolar”

cancer: unstable

leo: narcistic 

virgo: “ocd”

libra: boring

scorpio: sinister

sagittarius: careless

capricorn: stuck-up

aquarius: isolated

aries: my shot, guns and ships

taurus: dear theodosia, take a break 

gemini: aaron burr sir, helpless 

cancer: satisfied, congratulations 

leo: alexander hamilton, yorktown

virgo: wait for it, that would be enough

libra: the story of tonight, one last time

scorpio: stay alive, cabinet battle #1

sagittarius: non-stop, what’d i miss

capricorn: farmer refuted, you’ll be back

aquarius: the schuyler sisters, history has its eyes on you

type one: pale roses, milky water, lace, silk nightgown, pink lips, seashells, soft skin, angel wings, sheer curtains, white cats, pastel clouds, marble statues

type two: turquoise water, red swimsuits, fireworks, sunflowers, palm trees, watermelon, messy hair, rollercoasters, coca cola, road trips, fiery sunsets

type three: crystal balls, ancient books, the moon, tarot cards, calligraphy, photography, amethyst, silver jewelry, black cats, psychic rooms, candles

jadyn - fairy lights, rain on windows, lavender, short poems, cozy cardigans, goofy smiles, scented candles, short films, messy hair, soft music

thomas - cityscapes, torn up shoes, late night calls, moonlit rooms, chiseled jaw, charcoal drawings, earl grey tea, rock music, unmade bed, stormy sky

yalda - spectacles, classical music, secrets, piles of books, ancient trees, tears of laughter, snake scales, dead languages, graph paper, old technology

babysitter : we are going to see samson.  girl cousin : I LOVE SAMSUNG! my friend : did you say samsung? girl cousin : no. boy cousin : I HAVE A SAMSUNG GALAXY TABLET!

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girl cousin : we are going to see nine dogs  boy cousin : no three girl cousin : two boy cousin : five  girl cousin : NO ONE MILLION boy cousin : that’s too many dogs god damn

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boy cousin : *falls over while riding his bike* my friend : aidan stop biking your going to get hurt boy cousin : I CAN BIKE IF I WANT TO! I’M GONNA BIKE TO THE MOON!

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girl cousin : guess how many days it was this morning? six hundred million!

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