flipboard has something to say

@captain-of-the-dead-seas where the fuck do you think Newfoundland dogs come from?

My body, immediately upon waking up at 3AM: i’d sure love a nice cold water. Cause I’d loOove a nice cold water. Ice. Cold. Water. Hey Teens do you want. Freshy? Water. Water! Ngh. TEENS i’d love a nice col- ok- hEy teens here’s- YEAH!!!!!!! WATER!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM DONE SJSJSJKSJK

Lefties can’t meme, so instead they just forcibly redistribute the memes of others.

Lefties can’t poopoo doopie doop wee wee

The funny thing is I made this meme so I didn’t take it from anyone

Me as an art critic: this piece really explores the… Misogyny of the artist 🤔

i went to a scary halloween theme park and none of the scare actors tried to scare me because i kept instinctively doing the white person face at them whenever i spotted them

they were afraid that if they surprised you you'd let the bees out of your mouth

i need “Happier than a necromancer in a natural history museum” to become a known phrase immediately

@the-tao-of-fandom: #sir if you touch the fossils exhibit i will personally kill you

Sadly I have heard of necromancers being disappointed by such museums.

gays, lend me your strength

I shall give you my soul, and you will be the most powerful gay to ever gay.

I give you my heart, so you can have the power of all the lesbians and be even more gay than before

I give you my essence, so that why you possess the power of gay as well as having not just one, but many aces of power up your sleeve.

i give you my tiddies because i dont fuckign want them

You have our combined strengths and powers. Ascend as a God for there can no longer be forces against us. We are billions as one.

All you guys talking about “zodiac signs.” Fuck you. I was never even born. I was created in a lab.

his whole “ultimate lifeform” deal is less “ultimate power” and more “he can’t die of old age or disease because he was made as a prototype to cure a man’s dying granddaughter”

Every once in a while I’m like “Why would you make the ultimate lifeform a black and red hedgehog though?” Then I realized, if I were a scientist making a 100% immortal being I’d definitely bring life to my edgy fursona.

Bitches piss on Dr. Eggman’s wife and be like Can’t help being a Gemini!

so i was talking to my grandmother about old-school video games and she was all “y'know there was one game i used to play, and it had like a maze, and it was underground, and there was a guy in first person and he had a weapon” so knowing her penchant for puzzle games, i started guessing like myst, or legend of grimrock so we start hunting through these 90’s-era games featuring dungeon crawls. turns out. it was not a puzzle game. it was nothing close to a puzzle game. apparently, in the mid-90s, my grandmother would sit down and play fucking Wolfenstein 3D and listen to AC/DC for like hours on end.

Au contraire, the puzzle was “how to kill Nazis” and the answer was “use gun”