The Wind-up Blog Chronicle

ᴋᴀᴡᴀʜ ɪᴊᴇɴ (ʙʟᴜᴇ ᴠᴏʟᴄᴀɴᴏ) ɪɴᴅᴏɴᴇsɪᴀ

ᴛᴜʀǫᴜᴏɪsᴇ ɪᴄᴇ: ʟᴀᴋᴇ ʙᴀɪᴋᴀʟ-ʀᴜssɪᴀ

sᴜᴘᴇʀᴄᴇʟʟ sᴛᴏʀᴍ

ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ғʟᴀsʜ sᴜɴsᴇᴛ

sɴᴏᴡ ᴄʜɪᴍɴᴇʏ: ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛ ᴇʀʙᴜs-ᴀɴᴛᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴀ

sᴋʏ ᴘᴜɴᴄʜ

sᴛʀɪᴘᴇᴅ ɪᴄᴇʙᴇʀɢs:ᴀɴᴛᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴀ

ʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴘɪʟʟᴀʀs

sᴀʟᴀʀ ᴅᴇ ᴜʏᴜɴɪ (ʀᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛɪɴɢ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴛ) ʙᴏʟɪᴠɪᴀ

ᴍᴀᴇʟsᴛʀᴏᴍ

ᴇʏᴇ ᴏғ sᴀʜᴀʀᴀ:ᴍᴀᴜʀɪᴛᴀɴɪᴀ

ғɪʀᴇ ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ

ᴘᴏʀᴏʀᴏᴄᴀ (ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴡᴀᴠᴇ) ᴀᴍᴀᴢᴏɴ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ-ʙʀᴀᴢɪʟ

ᴀᴜʀᴏʀᴀ ʙᴏʀᴇᴀʟɪs

ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ʙʟᴜᴇ ʜᴏʟᴇ:ʙᴇʟɪᴢᴇ

ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ ᴇᴜᴄᴀʟʏᴘᴛᴜs ᴛʀᴇᴇs

sᴛᴏɴᴇ ғᴏʀᴇsᴛ:ᴍᴀᴅᴀɢᴀsᴄᴀʀ

ᴄᴀᴛᴀᴛᴜᴍʙᴏ ʟɪɢʜᴛɴɪɴɢ (ɴᴇᴠᴇʀᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ sᴛᴏʀᴍ) ᴠᴇɴᴇᴢᴜᴇʟᴀ

ᴍᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛᴜs ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅs

ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ

ᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴡᴀᴛᴇʀ ᴄʀᴏᴘ ᴄɪʀᴄʟᴇs

ʙɪᴏʟᴜᴍɪɴᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀᴠᴇs

ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ ɢʟᴏʀʏ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅs

ᴠᴏʟᴄᴀɴɪᴄ ʟɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ

ɴᴀᴄʀᴇᴏᴜs ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅs

ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛᴀɪɴs:ᴄʜɪɴᴀ

ʟᴇɴᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅ

Last year I trained a neural net to generate new names for kittens, by giving it a list of over 8,000 existing cat names to imitate. Starting from scratch, with zero knowledge of English or any context for the words and letter combinations it was trying out, it tried to predict what letters might be found in cat names, and in which order. Its names ranged from the strange to the completely nonsensical to the highly unfortunate (Retchion, Hurler, and Trickles were some of its suggestions). Without knowledge of English beyond its list of cat names, it didn’t know what letter combinations to avoid.

So I decided to revisit the cat-naming problem, this time using a neural net that had a lot more context. GPT-2, trained by OpenAI on a huge chunk of the internet, knows which words and letter combinations tend to be used together on the English-language internet. It also has (mostly) figured out which words and letter combinations to avoid, at least in some contexts (though it does tend to suddenly switch contexts, and then, yikes).

When I trained GPT-2 on the list of cat names using Max Woolf’s colab notebook, it still retained a lot of what it had learned from the rest of the internet. Gone were the strange names like “Tilly-Mapper” and “Balllucidoux” - it had a bunch of real words it could use instead. Here are some of the names it came up with - and the Morris Animal Refuge (who you may remember from that time they used neural net names for their guinea pigs) has given some of these names to some highly adoptable kittens.

First, neural net can do fancy:

Taffeta Pompompur Monocle Tom Glitter Notion Tinnitus Cheesemonger M. Tinklesby Linklater Soap

It can also do the opposite of fancy:

Scat Cat Butthole Gangrene Moisture Grotesque Petard Oilbag Buttwig The Cream Meatbag Dr Fart Fudge Putty Scumbag Constipation BUTT

And it can also do names ranging from tough to downright sinister:

Miss Vulgar Lillith The Vamp Elle Fury Deadbolt Romeo of Darkness Starmaker Fist Warning Signs Bibles Smoked The Firestarter Higher Rune Scarlet Be Thy Coat Kill All Humans Bones Of The Master Mr. Sinister Evil Whispers Spawn Serendipitous Kill Stranglehold

(Starmaker and Sparky Buttons are from a litter that had upper respiratory infections that damaged their eyes, but even though their world is kinda cloudy, they love to play and cuddle.)

I’m a particular fan of the Very Weird cat names:

Honeystring Dr Leg Tom Noodle Pinball Scene Peanutbutterjiggles You’re Telling A Lie Beep Boop Thoughts Bobble Bun Atmosphere You Name It Whiskeridoo Sparky Buttons

Seemingly This Guy Various Authors Chicken Whiskey Fish Especially Thelonious Monsieur Ringo Shuffles Sweet Cakes EXTAs (Eye Stalks) Checker Spin Donut Quin Two Patz Grandpa He Glad Funky Moe Fluttering Feelers Accepted A Tribute Chewie Bean PLEASE Gregory Chimney Notable PRODUCT LEGEND Weird Science Platinum Not Suitable For Character the Enforcer

Did I mention these cats are adoptable? If you live near Philadelphia, you live near these kitties!

link:

“i’m literally wearing makeup right now,” i’ll say.

“what?? no you’re not!!!” they all vehemently insist, now searching for the Femininity in my face.

“i have concealer on to cover up my acne and make my whole face less red in general, my eyebrows are filled in to make them look bushier, and i’ve contoured my cheekbones, my jawline, and around my eyes all to look more defined so i look both more masculine and older. yall have never seen, and WILL never see me without makeup on.”

and even with that explanation, they remain baffled more often than not. they’ve gone their whole lives only knowing that makeup is a Girly Substance with no thought given to the actual purpose of each type of makeup, to the point that they’re completely unable to conceptualize it as a thing that could alter your face in a non-feminine way. they’ll have expressions that make it seem like their brain is rebooting so that they don’t actually have to process any of that information.