I remember asking my dad at a young age that if I prayed very hard would God turn me into a boy? He said "yes" with a very worried look in his face. Fucking stupid embryo chose the wrong sex. I suck at being female. I have many girl crushes and I constantly live in a fantasy world but oh! if I was born male I'd be taken so seriously. I would be the ideal son. I'd fuck mad bitches and I wouldn't be overweight like I currently am. I also wouldn't be flabby like my brother. Weak like my brother and I wouldn't be a skeleton like my boyfriend. Oh no I'd be as brolic as fuckin' Brian and David (my cousins) Better. I'd have money and no feelings of self consciousness whatsoever. Cars, threads, fuckin' everything I ever wanted. I'd beat up the whole hood. Fuckin' raise hell. No, I'm not getting a sex change. That is disgusting. I don't want to live as an artificial man. I just hope I wake up from this nightmare of living as a stinky inferior twat owner. I hate myself as a female yet females are very appealing to me. I'm half jealous, half in love with every one. I'm bi- EVERYTHING (polar, sexual, etc) There's a dude inside of me, a chick outside of me. So conflicting. What am I? My boyfriend can't fuck me. I can't fuck him. I don't know if it's cause of our location, but I know what's REALLY wrong. I'm 30 pounds heavier than him. It's like horseshoe crab sex. The male grips onto the female, which is the larger one and then they drift onto shore and die. Another beautiful day waiting to go to work. Stupid smelly cunt for a week. Permanent cock face. I want to cut my nose off. I want to cut my fat off. I want to cut my life short. I like boys but I rather be one. I like girls but I don't like being one. Like BINGO was his fucking NAME-O. I hate everyone and thing. I mostly hate myself. I wanna puke out my soul and drop dead. Leave Jen Timper behind. I want to crawl into someone's womb and be born again. With a dick. My life would make a lot more sense as a man. I'm one hundred percent sure I'm correct about that. I feel cursed and plagued. Why was I born this way? Why was I born? I have to get over it and accept I'm just kind of queer. Let me break it down: Gay- (adj.) If you're happy and you know it, clap your twats. Queer- (adj.) Painfully dealing with and trying to understand yourself, in denial, yet not really, just twisted and self-loathing. Not proud. I'm not gay. I'm queer.