All Of The Above

Pain scale? More like pain in the booty. No two people seem to read it the same way, and chronic folks tend to downplay their pain.

So here’s an idea: when asked to rate your pain, provide a number to rate your distress levels in addition to your pain levels.

Some examples:

“I’m at a 5 on the pain scale, but my distress is basically a 1 because this is my usual.”

“I’m at a 3 on the pain scale, but my distress is a 7 because this is new pain and affects a part of my body that’s very important to my work.”

again take care and have extra precaution in areas that are more conservative, but if you travel to your nearest city you should be safer.

i did not need a note from my psychiatrist, instead they sat me with a social worker to ask some questions. it ended up not at all being about if i’m “trans enough” but just how i’m feeling, my experience, allergies and medical history. then they sent me to the doctor who reviewed and assessed health risks and gave me informed consent.

i was then trained by a member of staff to administer my own injections, and was given a choice between every method of testosterone (if i went with the gel, there would be a six hour period after applying each week i can’t touch my cats and they are absolute WHORES who love snuggles and i didn’t want them to transition too, so if that’s important to you, take it into consideration)

it was so much easier than going through a GP, who tended to shrug off everything i said, and wanted to take as much time as possible while i’m suffering with dysphoria. i fully reccommend going through planned parenthood because it is discreet, has options for payment with and without insurance, and will absolutely refer to you with the correct pronouns and name every. time.

the sun mourns in vain for the white-throated rail: a comic about disability and the unwanted able-bodied grief for past selves.

(click below for the image description!)

Yes? Good. Thanks.

For your consideration, I present...

My Narcissistic Personality Disorder backstory.

I ended up with NPD by being a “gifted kid” (and only child) who was continually praised by everyone around me for being exceptional. Family members, teachers, coaches, tutors, etc. all thought I was brilliant and quirky, and they all made sure to TELL ME just how amazing they thought I was. All the time. But here’s the thing: I had ADHD and was “level one” autistic, and they had no idea (and I had no idea)… because I was a girl. AFAB. And it was the early 90s. (And my ADHD and ASD masked each other phenomenally well.)

So, what happened? Well, I was a tiny child out in the rural Ozarks talking about god knows what (probably musical theatre back then, or maybe botany) using my little professor language, making all the adults go, “Oh wow, she’s a genius!” Meanwhile, I’m completely disconnected from my neurotypical peers, who saw me as weird and strange and uncool. Thus I was ostracized, bullied, ridiculed, mocked, and/or ignored by nearly everyone in my own age group. And I had very few friends. (My neurodivergent classmates were mostly wonderful, by the way.)

What do you think was the result? Yeah. I got the impression that I was special and could only be understood by other special people. You know, people like teachers and authority figures. Fellow gifted kids. Smart people. Important people.

...Which meant my peers were obviously unimportant. A bunch of brutes and idiots. THAT’S why they didn’t understand me. Because, for the record, I actually tried to connect to them, to understand them. And they refused to connect to me. It was intentional. A purposeful lack of understanding and connection on their part. I tried over and over and over and over with them. I could never figure out what I was doing wrong. They never told me. They just made fun of me.

And well. That shit kinda gets locked into a personality disorder sometimes. I dunno. How is that "the narcissist's" fault??? Maybe neurotypicals should suck less. Has anyone considered that possibility?

It's okay if something that never used to bother you now causes anxiety or flashbacks, and it's okay if something that used to really upset you no longer affects you at all.

It's also completely normal if things that used to positively trigger you to front no longer work for you, or if things that you didn't used to care about or like become positive triggers.

Credits: @foxes-in-love