Advice for traumagenic systems

They/them collectively.

It's okay not to know why an alter was created. Your trauma is still valid, so your system is too.

Take a moment to breathe, and remember that faking something is a conscious decision, not something you do by accident.

Over time, as you take steps to recovery (both as an individual part, and as a system) it will get easier to cope with the age difference, as well as any other differences between your internal appearance and that of the body.

But no matter how functional each alter is in comparison to each other, it's still possible to heal together. Your trauma made it necessary for one alter to appear more functional to the outside world, so as you heal from that trauma, things will get easier. Over time you can learn to work together to make everyone as content and successful as possible; it isn't easy, it isn't quick, but it is achievable - and I promise that means achievable for you - and remembering that may help give you hope when things get tough.

No matter how difficult communication is right now, recovery is still possible for you. It doesn't matter if it takes longer than it might for others. There's no rush, you aren't failing if you're finding it tough, or if you make progress and then seem to take steps backwards again. Whether your healing goal is fusion or functional multiplicity, whether you don't know what the goal is yet, you can still reach it in time. You can make it to where you need to.

If you're struggling with giving up control, please know that it does get easier. Over time you can learn to trust the other alters more, and they can learn to trust you, too. It may not be easy; establishing good communication can take a lot of time and work, but it is possible and you can reach a point where you aren't so scared of being out of control.

To reiterate: you deserve to be taken care of as well. You deserve as much love, care and respect as every other alter does, including the ones you look after.

You are not doing anything wrong or faking anything if you have triggers without the memories or knowledge of what triggered you. This is a common experience for those with PTSD/CPTSD, especially if you're a system.

Whatever it's like, however it affects you, whether it's completely overwhelming or barely impacts you whilst it's happening, it is still valid - including if it varies depending on the split. It doesn't invalidate you, your system or your trauma.

(This isn't related to larger systems. This is specifically for those with smaller numbers of alters, who - as said above - deserve just as much respect. Please do not derail).

Just because the specific traumatic incident(s) didn't directly happen to you does not mean they had no effect, nor that you did anything wrong by being traumatized by it. Your trauma is absolutely still "bad enough" and all of your parts still deserve dignity, respect and recovery.

Don't think badly of yourself for how this affects you. You don't need to be working to have worth, nor to be deserving. And no matter how hard it is right now, I promise you that recovery is still possible, whatever that may look like for you. Contentment is achievable.

Please know that suffering abuse doesn't prevent you from having a happy relationship or family if you want one, and having DID, OSDD-1, or DDNOS/UDD does not prevent you from being a good partner or parent.

It doesn't matter how "weird" or "out there" your trauma is. It's still real, it's effects are still real, and you're absolutely deserving of recovery just as much as anyone else is.

(It's valid if this applies to all parts of your system, too. It was still "bad enough", you're still not faking it).