- FLAMINGO -

My dude

✊🏽✊🏽

I GOT TO 32 AND SCREAMED!! LMFAO!!

We really need to throw the whole internet away at this point….

I FUCKING HATE Y'ALL 😂😂😂😭😭

I. AM. WHEEZING. 😂😂😂

.

Childhood ruined

why do you need so many??

-is sending me on a roadtrip to the National Radio Quiet Zone for fun and education

-showed up to a family outing downtown this morning, wearing nylon shorts and expensive leather Oxford formal shoes -cried himself to sleep as a child because he desperately wanted a pet alligator -has experimented with god knows how many psychoactive substances…. For Science -is a literal masochist, as discovered this afternoon, when he told me all about how he’s addicted to the “excruciating pain and unexpected pleasure” of physical therapy -has feet so long he has to get shoes custom made for him - they have, in the past, been mistaken for clown shoes -once took his girlfriend on a date to lick the St. Louis Arch, in winter, and later revealed that he only framed it as a date ‘cause he was afraid of going alone in case his tongue got stuck to the metal -told me that he loved how bananas made his whole throat feel tingly, was surprised to find out that bananas are not supposed to have this effect -was disappointed that I did not bring a book on demon conjugation to the family reunion, because he wanted to compare it to his own translation -got banned from going down a slide today because he was dripping wet and had clearly been swimming…. he was just really sweaty from climbing the stairs

-sent me a check but forgot my legal name and put my nickname on it instead (it can’t be deposited and he hasn’t sent another)

He showed up to our Christmas Eve dinner wearing a dress shirt, fancy slacks, and flip flops. All he ate was a bowl of smoked oysters.

new cryptid

This is amazing!