One time I saw this New Yorker cartoon with a piece of penne pasta answering the phone and saying, “Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?” and now I cannot cook fusilli without thinking you crazy bastard

i love the sims but everything after creating them feels so empty… feel like a bored god who’s only hubris was thinking he could create something beautiful……

We Put Some Dill and a Little Lemon on That Bad Boy, What Happens Next Will Slap Your Balls Clear Into Next Tuesday

she put her glasses on so she could read Kim properly

im kourtney

I’m Kourt but I’m also Kris and also Rob

“I’m married for 72 days, really? that was normal” like how did Kris just murder her own daughter like that

Showed my Geologist dad a picture of the obsidian knife you had and he nearly said this exact thing word for word. I can't believe my own father would fall prey to this. Clearly you know thine enemy

I work too closely with geologists not to have a contingency plan for eliminating them.

they’re talking to each other

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

“What’s the watermelon fo- Oh!”

my followers slappin me after i make another post on tunglr.com

ashansjsjsksj my friend said her uncle was a catholic priest until he fell in love with a jewish man and peaced out

the most valid catholic to ever live tbh

Wаnnа liск Ashley pussy?

no thanks

outta my way gayboy i’m boutta get it

my identity has been stolen

here’s how bernie can still win