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@themoistplinth
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its the year 2013 and you can 3dprint a dildo that is also a bong and Dennys has a tumblr and most phones have TWO cameras now, one on the front and one on the back and there is a nonzero chance that we will have a reality show set in space within 5 years.
it appears that gentle death still stands sentinel at the end of our lives and casts a shadow back over us as if he were interposed between us and a fantastic radiance but OTOH crowdsourcing has made it incredibly easy to buy a “minimalist wallet” made of aircraft-grade aluminium weave and hey
dennys has a tumblr, so you can keep up with dennys, and new dennys developments, in realtime
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997-2003) “Lessons”
dru’s fujoshing out
I love her expression So Much
the thing about xander I think is that getting fucked in the ass once would fix HIM but there's not a single dude in the cast that wouldn't become worse as a result of being The Guy Who Fucked Xander Harris
Oz: it could feasibly only happen in the aftermath of the WillOz/Cander Breakup Extravaganza and it would absolutely just be the Oz-equivalent to angry sex (which is to say regular sex but his brow is furrowed) and afterwards Oz would be like I was a man unhinged I can never unleash that rage-filled beast again and Xander's like wait were you mad. still?
Larry: he'd get high off of the buzz of justifying bullying Xander for years with "hey man I guess we're just soulmates drawn together by fate" and try too hard to get involved in Xander's life and inevitably get eaten by a monster for being a scooby love interest and a gay guy in 90s tv
Riley: riley would literally accuse xander of seducing him with magic like five minutes after the fact and xander's like what no man we just got really riled up watching team america world police but riley's already yelling over at his pants on the floor like THIS IS AGENT FINN WE GOT ANOTHER WITCH and graham's voice comes through on a little speaker like ry you can't keep doing this
Spike: we saw how mad Spike was when he realised he wanted to fuck certified-hottie Buffy. If he fucked Xander bad-fashion bad-jokes no-powers no-game Harris Spike would have crossed over to AtS like three seasons earlier like I can't show my face on the hellmouth ever again I put my dick in a basement dwelling pizza boy
Angel: good lord. jesus christ. if perfect happiness releases angel's soul do you think realising he just had sex with xander would attach it permanently. as if angel needs more reasons to pretend all his gay thoughts come from the demon
The entire Sunnydale High Swim Team in that one sauna scene: this one would be fine actually
didn't include Dracula bc it's already too late for him 😔
all this said I do think xander and ethan rayne could have had the age gap yaoi relationship of all time. xander stumbles into so much chaos by accident that ethan would be frothing at the mouth to make him his bride. and xander has classic daddy issues AND giles daddy issues so he'd be celebrating his fourth anniversary with ethan but still be like ftr this is just bc of the band candy messing with my head and ethan's like ofc babe
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Angel the Series borrowed enough comedy episode premises from Buffy (Something Blue -> Life of the Party; Tabula Rasa -> Spin the Bottle) that there is precedent for them doing an Intervention callback where Lindsey commissions Warren for an Angelbot to have extremely embarrassing hate-sex with before it inevitably gets loose on the city and wanders back to the hyperion
important to bear in mind that Warren-brand sexbots are a) heavily influenced by how the commissioner describes their lust object and b) quote them directly
Wesley: Angel are you feeling quite.... alright
Angelbot, picking out a sword from the weapons cabinet: I'm great Wes, thanks for asking! There's endless misery in the city which is great bc it gives me something to do to feel like a hero instead of the bastard I am and I finally took the stick out of my ass and put a dick in there instead like I've obviously been gagging for. Great day for the good fight! See you later!
Wesley:
Wesley:
Wesley whipping out his little flip phone: willow do you have an orb of thesulah handy
Willow: did he seriously lose his soul again
Wesley: God I hope so
okay real talk bc it just occurred to me. we all know xander has a thing for angel and also for spike AHEM SORRY HAHA I MEAN xander HATES angel and HATES spike. yes. totally what i meant. ANYWAY. how well do you think he’d handle finding out that angel and spike have a romantic past. also can i be in the room when it happens
He'd feel the pressure to make fun of Spike when he first hears it bc he's Xander that's what he does but it quickly devolves into "haha oh man you boinked ANGEL? that's so embarrassing Spike, so was he surprisingly gentle for someone so broad ha. Bet you felt real safe in those arms lmao" and Spike is like do you need a minute
you just know robin wood is never talking to any of the scooby people again after sunnydale lmao. well it's been real. thanks for availing of my mom's stuff while spitting on her memory. bye 👋
like I adore them obviously but the scoobies seem like exhausting people to be around even if you discount any and all apocalypse(s). the relationship drama alone. we root for the scoobs to adopt the likes of faith or spike because they're also absolute drama sluts but robin wood went to college, he's a high school principal, he has shit to do he does not need to hear that buffy's got a new guy and he sucks. he does not need xander alternating between being overprotective of his girl friends and making not so subtle comments about how hot robin is while still being king of the closet. he Truly does not need any further exposure to andrew. he does need a better living wage biden.
I figured living in sunnydale that robin could use a black friend
I know I can't be trusted behind the wheel of a car because I get intense roadrage just going grocery shopping
Maybe if you're just going to stand on your phone you should be stood by a pillar or away from what's I need to GET MY GROCERIES
I know I can't be trusted behind the wheel of a car because I get intense roadrage just going grocery shopping
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I feel like a lot of people get "All Art is Political" confused with "All Art is made with Political Intentions" which is not the same.
and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team
*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil
Likely one of the funniest things we will get from the extremely late-to-the-party among us show
going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room
Blue Lois
can i help you
Red Marge
jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack
World Heritage Post
i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Theseus and The Minotaur
This one’s for the tumblrinas
lets make cookies guys!
Sugar
Butter
Eggs
Flour
Salt
Baking powder
Vanilla extract
Chocolate chips
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