Mushroom soup for the soul

I dropped a slow cooker in the bathtub. The doctor says I have 8 hours to live

oh this is absolutely beautiful op

fuckkkkkk I cleared the time loop first try

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

Nobody should buy GTA til they free Arion Kurtaj

What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

Im craving... $000,000

Check your Venmo :)🤭

STOPPP YOU DIDNT

a small thing i learned from my sister dying is that i really would rather the people i love be a burden than be whatever the hell else they'd be if they weren't. yes even if it's messy and not always fair and hard completely inconvenient for everyone involved. even if it's weird. even if i'm rolling my eyes a bit inside sometimes. i just want you to bother me. please always bother me

like "it's rotten work" "not to me not if it's you" actually sometimes it's still rotten work. even if it's you. and i'd still do it a million times over

Please god it would be so funny

there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

the more you twist yourself into a pretzel to avoid regret the harder it will hit when it eventually catches up to you.

So full that i see my giant roast chicken as a man stranded on a raft with me

ill be real the "poly people are uglyyy" thing just feels like cope? like theyre in a polycule. they have directly proven that multiple people find them hot enough to want to be in a relationship, often sexual, with. you have what? one single Monogamous Jessica, and you're terrified she'll leave you as soon as she sees a rooster with bigger tail feathers?

Fish aren’t dumb for biting worms on a fishhook. If there was a jolly rancher in a gun barrel I would at least try to grab it out

it's easy to make fun of marxists for being like "we have a special way of understanding society called Thinking About Things That Are Real" but to be fair if you ask the average person what their ideas about society are based on they will start listing some of the Least Real things to ever not exist

I love when people ask "how did you learn this skill?" I just started, there's no secret. that's it. a vast majority of the time the only thing holding you back is your trepidation to start.