Lost in Thought..

I approached my professor and asked, “I have already given too much for someone, but why does it seems like I am still not that enough for that person? Is there something wrong and missing piece to what I did?”

The professor looked at me worriedly and answered, “There’s nothing missing and at the same time, there’s nothing wrong in what you did. Maybe, you’re not just the one that person is expecting, presuming, and hoping for. What you did and what you gave, that person could be expecting and hoping that it should have always come from someone, not you.”

“How is that so? Please enlighten me on this, professor", I responded.

The disquietude starts to sink in the classroom until the professor finally answered,

“You’re not the missing piece, my child.

You’re not the happiness that the person is finding. You may not be the light that the person needs on that darkness.

You’re not the favorite tea nor coffee.

I can see in your eyes that you have already given too much value for that person. It’s already more than enough, and you already know that to yourself.

But for someone who doesn’t need and value you, they will never see it that way. It is not enough. It will always not be enough for them. You are not the one who could fill that empty cup.”

“Look on the bigger perspective.”, as the professor added. “If everything that you did for that person came from the someone that they deeply like, no matter what value it is—could it be a bare minimum or not more than enough, that person will always be thankful and feel that it's enough. It’s because it came from the person that they truly expect and hope for.

What you did and what you gave, those could be maximal or more than enough, but still, there is always something missing in the life of that person because you are not what that person expects. You are not special in the same way you see that person. What you did and what you gave, it means nothing to that person, but it would've been the best thing that happened for them, if ever it came from someone they always cherish and hope for. I’m so sorry, my child. I can see that you have been hurt so much, maybe, it’s time for you to disappear for a while this time.”

There’s a saying that you should learn to reach out when you’re in pain or hurting but it seems like everything is just an illusion.

There’s no one to lean in to. Until my very own last breath, it’s always myself that I can lean in to.