The Homeless Network!

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

sorry i said something dickish. a few mildly frustrating things happened to me in succession and it turned me evil

It has apparently been ten years since the time one of my professors pulled me aside to tell me I had to clean up after making out before going to class because my lipstick was everywhere and I realized "actually my tapdancing group decided we all had to dress like the Joker for our performance" was an infinitely worse explanation so I just said I was sorry

Rice Krispies smartest decision is by far their Treat. Turning their cereal into a strange brick relies on the natural fact that all children are hopelessly dependent upon the ingot.

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

not now kitten, daddy's about to have a mental breakdown from seeing the prices at the grocery store

this getting 20 notes in under a minute... we need to start killing the government

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

License plate “jizz lord”

Judas Iscariot is driving that car

you know what, fuck you *unkills your character*

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

"if you see someone shoplifting, no you didn't" no but like. i really didn't. i have never in my life seen someone shoplifting because i'm not watching anyone else in the grocery store..? how are y'all noticing things like that. my only goals are enter the store, survive, exit the store

i think we shouod terraform earth to make it completely flat because itd be fun

i meant completely smooth but flat it actuwlly funnier

new flat earth thearoy: we could do it

If you aren't paying attention to the RESTRICT act because it is being Trojan Horsed as the "Tik Tok Ban" I urge you to go look it up right now. The bill itself has NOTHING to do with TikTok. It is a horrible bill that massively impacts freedom of speech, access to information, and the open internet. Even major Republicans are calling it out as too broad and ill conceived.

last night I had a dream that I met Bill and Ted, and I complimented Bills crop top and said something about how I would wear crop tops if my body was less bogus and he put a hand on my shoulder and said “what’s truly bogus is the way you think about yourself” and Ted nodded solemnly and then I woke up

That was the real bill and ted

Obsessed with going "No... i shan't say..." when it's very clear what I shan't say