cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

roadtrip to all the places referred to as “the worst city/village in the UK” so I can compare them to the southeastern US

the girls are fightingggggg [readjusts my glasses, squinting] by god… it appears i was mistaken. they're…my goodness…by god

love how Rocky is always serving main character energy. dude steps up and leaves their smoking hot mate to go on a noble quest. Then everyone dies mysteriously and a fucking alien shows up who is somehow smart but also dumb as hell. So now bro has a lovable sidekick and you two save each other through the power of friendship multiple times. Then you figure out a way to save the fucking world and you get to go back home a hero. And your funny bestie alien sidekick comes with you because he thinks you're so cool. Rockys life is a movie. He's a legend.

anyone surprised that markiplier knows about the bloodymary ship doesn't remember this is a man who has seen himself ass blasted by springtrap you must assume that whatever the most obscure, insane content you've involved him in he not only knows about it but already knows more than you'll ever fathom. it's too late. he knew before you even knew you knew he knew you knew

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

fake people pleasers when marlon brando arrives

@murderous-beetroot

THAT ME!!