Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

guy named brett at the gym: whew I'm really working up a brett

guy named Brett at the gym: ah- hold up-, lemme catch my brett

hi world (world of hi)

can never predict which of my posts is going to get popular. now everyone on tumblr knows i kicked a fish

the operative fantasy of every blonde man is to see somebody who is ontologically & irreparably unwell & crack their sanity in half like a glowstick

that looks so good. can i ask you something?

Wild caught clownfish will be like ‘hm you see, the anemone you got me is a slightly different color and tentacle width than the one I had back home, so I will not begin hosting it. I’ll be a sort of wandering ronin for the rest of my days.’ And then a captive bred clownfish will be like ‘ok so I have this curved rock I found and I just sit above it and it take care of me 👍’