Trying to Recover

i might be a dumb loser but i’m also ugly

and just like that, I’m back in the same place I fought so hard to get out of

having high functioning depression is so humiliating because I shower everyday and have an extensive skin routine but I also don’t see the point in anything and always have a plan for my death.

am i even fundamentally likeable?

I feel so disconnected and different from other people. Like I don’t connect the same way they do. I am strange and out of place in this world

I know im a shit friend but oh god am i fucking trying

Suicide is feeling less and less like a back up plan and more and more like an inevitability with every day that passes

I don’t want to be awake. Idk if I even want to be alive.

I am a burden

im an embarrassment to myself. I feel so selfish for being so tired. My issues are all so minuscule.

i want to be loved, but i dont actually think i deserve it. Even i cant justify it for myself. I wish i could turn back time to when i was a kid and people thought i was nice and good. I want to be clean again. I want to deserve to be loved.