Oh look....another human

How many people on the streets have you seen hauling everything they own in a shopping cart? How many people do you know who see one coming and cross the road to avoid it? How would they react to this, a beautiful and priceless work of art of the same shape and form but far more precious craftsmanship, carrying prettier possessions in a much more tasteful way? Ignoring that all the features which give it status and respectability are both unnecessary and fragile, stripping it of its original context and purpose?

How many ugly and unsightly everyday objects are made avant-garde by reducing their function for the sake of heightening exclusivity? Marble bathtubs, geode sinks, gold-plated toilets- things made for a function which are forcibly divorced from that function to earn respect and regard

Why does worsening an item in specific ways signal improvement or status? The fragility and impracticality screams, "I don't actually need this" while sneering in derision, "can you imagine if I needed this?"

Like pretending to blow your nose into a bedazzled tissue

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

I couldn’t help it. I had to.

*points at whoever next finds this post*

“Welcome in what can I get you”

“I want a plain black coffee”

“All rights wha-“

“No sugar or cream or flavor or anything else.”

“Okay, got it, wha-“

“I don’t want no caramachmocha flippy-do’s or frappachina-what-it’s. Just. A plain ol regular black coffee”

“That’s great sir, now please wha”

“Just a old fashioned stright up coff-“

text should be punishable

by jury duty