It had been a long time since Ryan had a hurt emotionally, and an even longer time since he had felt guilt seep through his veins, flood through his thoughts. Every second that past was pounding against his skull, reminding him that of all the steps he had taken in Los Santos, almost none of them had been in Lindsayâs direction, had been for her and her alone. Having her leave his home had almost torn him, had been the final snap of the scissors over their seam, and that was everything he didnât want.
    And so he distanced himself. Allowed himself to take one step toward the edge, and then another. The longer it went on, the closer he came to the end, and when she wasnât standing by his side to pull him back-
    Ryan was no longer himself, had lost the warmth in his laughter that had so often been shared over outrageous, matched with the light, joyous laughter of the red head. He had turned grim, if anything, even more sullen. His work began to occupy all of his thoughts, until it became everything he was. It was his schedule, his time, his breath against the polluted air of the city. Had the pieces fallen away, though, or were they instead painted over and hidden by a wall of concrete? Here he stood by Lindsayâs side, and as her head fell, so did everything he had been trying to hold up.
    There was no reason to keep back. She knew he wasnât as sane as he was, knew that emotions were difficult for him but he tried- and that was it, he wasnât even showing he was trying. Not anymore. So much seclusion had left him broken beyond being fixed, but watching as red hair fell across her face, it stung. She was upset, that much was obvious; he had never taught her how to hide her emotions well, and he never would. She was upset, shaken, and all he had done was disrupt her further and pushed her until it got worse.
    There was a momentary pause between her speaking, a heavy silence that clouded the air like a toxin. Placing a warm handle on her shoulder to let her know she was safe, Ryanâs eyes held the sadness of the world as he watched Lindsay tremble from her silent tears. âLindsay,â he lowered his voice as he spoke, addressing her directly and once again after that for reassurance. âLindsay. I appreciate everything you do. We donât speak as often anymore, and I know thatâs my fault, but I appreciate from afar. Youâve kept us more than safe on our heists, and youâve taught yourself on your own more than I ever could.â
    There was an unspoken, âIâm proudâ somewhere in there, words Ryan simply couldnât seem to force from his throat. His burned his tongue, filled his mouth with the taste of ash and regret, but as much as he wanted to spit it out, it failed to come. The best he could do was frown, pull back slightly on her chair. âYou should take a break from your work. We can go make hot chocolate.â
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