"Find a way or make one"

Happy International Dog Day! 

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He senses her watching him from the other end of the couch and his mouth twitches into a small smile. He’s halfway through his latest book and she’s got her sketchbook in her lap, her feet in his lap, and he has figured out that she’s moved on from her first and second sketch to drawing him. He has learned over the years to tell the difference between the looks she gives him and this current one is the one she uses when she’s drawing him.

It’s a concentrated look, studying details, tracing lines and curves, discovering freckles and dimples and measuring the length of his the hair on his head and his beard, tilting her head to get the perfect angle of shades and shadows and lighting.

He puts his book down and gives her leg a squeeze, turning to look at her with a smile.

“Make sure you get my good side, ok?” He teases and she chuckles. She puts her pencil down and playfully poke his thigh with her foot.

“Are we even sure you’ve got one?” She laughs.

“Ouch,” he pouts dramatically, placing a hand under her knee and tugging her slightly towards him.

She puts her sketchbook to the side and slides down the couch towards him. She cocks her head sidways and curls her finger under her chin— pretending to study him closely. She hums softly and then turns his face slightly to the other side— still pretending to do a close inspection. She traces her finger along his jaw, his cheekbone, the bridge of his nose and his eyebrows.

“I’m afraid we have a problem,” she whispers.

“We do?” He asks softly.

“Yeah... it seems we have two good sides... this is unprecedented,” she smiles up at him as she traces his lip.

He tugs her closer, close enough to kiss her, and when he pulls back, he whispers.

“You know, if you ever want someone to pose properly for you—“

Jacob Blake is more than just “A Black man shot 7 times” he is more than a statistic, more than a number, more than a victim of police brutality. He is a father of beautiful children and we need to have more empathy while speaking about this, his babies had to WITNESS THIS. Black trauma continues to be brushed under the rug and everybody continues to try to make us try to justify it. While I am grateful to hear he is okay, that doesn’t mean I’m not angry. Don’t stop demanding for justice! BLACK LIVES STILL MATTER! Protests have been happening for THREE MONTHS NOW. But there are plenty of victims of police brutality who don’t get to say they survived. I truly hope the officers involved get charged for attempted murder.

8.24.20. Kenosha, WI

Pocket kitten

“You work, I’ll sit here.”

From Flashback-Remi to Jaimie.

Summary: A glimpse of Jane and Kurt’s first few days of moving into their new place. A wee little drabble to get back into the writing mood.

The house is practically empty. They’re shipping a few of their things from New York but this house is much bigger than their New York apartment that they’ve had to go out and buy almost everything new. Their orders are supposed to start arriving in a few days— including Bethany’s new bedroom that she handpicked herself after an excruciating process— a very enjoyable one nonetheless.

There’s a couch in the living room— the couch from New York. It made the trip to Colorado before them. There’s a mattress— what they’ve been calling their bed for the past few days— sitting in front of the fireplace. It’s still pretty early as Kurt can tell— the fire fills the room with warmth— and all Kurt wants to do is reach for Jane, wrap her in his arms and spend the early hours of morning picking up what they’d spent the night before doing— when they’d finally finished painting the guest bedroom upstairs— the last task on yesterday’s to do list.

But when he reaches over, he finds her side of the mattress empty— still warm but empty nonetheless. Kurt groans at the emptiness next to him, rubs a hand over his face before he relents and opens his eyes. It’s not that hard to figure out where she is. The scent of coffee brewing leads him straight to the kitchen and he smiles as he steps into the large open kitchen. She’s dressed in his shirt— and only his shirt— making coffee and humming a song quietly.

He watches her for a moment before he’s inevitably pulled closer— partly because of the smell of the coffee is too inviting but mostly it’s her, it’s the pull that’s always been there between them— the pull he learned a long time ago he had no power against.

“It’s still early for you to get out of bed,” he teases as he walks over to her and with a wide smile she turns around to greet him.

“Hi,” she giggles as he wastes no time to grab a fistful of the shirt she’s wearing and pulling her closer for a lazy kiss.

“Why are you up?” He mumbles against her lips when they break the kiss.

“Because we have a long day ahead of us and we need coffee,” she replies

She does have a point but that doesn’t stop him from grumbling in response. She rolls her eyes at him and turns around in his arms, sighing when he holds her closer and she goes back to pouring the coffee in their mugs.

He nuzzles her neck, pressing kisses to bird tattoo and she melts against him.

“Mmm,” he sighs.

“Yeah this new coffee Allie told us about is amazing,” she says.

“Not talking about the coffee,” he punctuates his words with kisses against her skin. He starts pulling her away from the kitchen counter, one hand already pulling the hem of the shirt up and she sighs again.

She realizes then that they’re going to end up drinking their coffee cold. And that they’re going to fall behind on the housework.

@the-moon-without-world you requested this fanfic to be written! This fic is set for early to mid season two and entails an AU of Jane having night terrors so Borden prescribes her Valium to help her sleep but one particularly bad night she gets absolutely no sleep and decides to take the Valium in the morning before work which inevitably leads to Kurt finding Jane in her safehouse on the floor high out of her mind! (This fic is angst, comfort, and fluff, OH and how could I forget crack!!) Enjoy!!

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It's a particularly cold September morning. Jane had been back with the team for four months and they had finally found some kind of normal. Nas on the other hand could be pretty hard to work with.

It was officially 8am and Reade, Tasha, Patterson, Nas, and Kurt were all at their respective 'biomes' within the NYO. But Jane... Jane was nowhere to be found.

"I already tried, it goes straight to voicemail everytime." Kurt says agitatedly. He and Nas had just walked into his office continuing their conversation from Patterson's lab.

"Look Kurt chances are that Sandstorm may have grabbed her." Nas replies desperately trying to keep up with Kurt's pace.

Kurt walked behind his office desk.

"And that doesn't concern you?!"

"She's doing the job we asked her to do!" Nas yelled.

"I'm done arguing with you."

"Where do you think you're going?!"

Kurt shrugged on his jacket and tried to walk past Nas before she grabbed his arm.

"Let. Me. Go."

"Why? So you can go make sure your girlfriend is alright?"

Kurt pulled his arm out from her and clenched his jaw. Not entertaining her, he tried to calmly answer.

"Nas-"

"What?! I was in bed with you last night and now this morning you're willing to put the biggest case of your life at risk to make sure another woman is okay!"

"You really want to do this here?"

"You're doing this on your own Kurt."

"Fine if you wanna talk we can talk." Kurt reached behind his desk and in a file to pull out a micro transparent listening device. "We can talk about that. You've been spying on me and my team for God knows how long and you expect me to care when you get jealous over Jane?"

Nas tried to reason with him but was getting nowhere, especially now. He was shutting down... Well more like shutting her out. She needed to change tactics. And fast.

"You are going to get her killed."

"What?" Kurt glared.

"You going to her safehouse to check on her will most definitely tip Sandstorm off and you will be the sole reason that she is killed! When she signed up for this operation she knew the risks-"

"How do you know Sandstorm has her?" Kurt questioned and slightly stepped closer towards Nas.

"What?"

"What if they don't have her? Have you thought about that?"

"That would be great, then she would come in eventually."

"Eventually?! You don't care about her at all do you? Your only concern is this mission!"

Kurt made a beeline for his office door.

"Kurt wait!"

The door was slightly cracked before he stopped.

"No nas, I'm done. I can't do this. Your blatant disregard for the safety of my team, you hiding things from me, bugging our offices, I'm done." With that said Kurt walked out of his office and headed straight for the SIOC elevator.

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It was a particularly hard night. It was the worst night. Shortly after escaping the blacksite, in Oregon, the nightmares came. But recently, as if they weren't bad enough, they've evolved into fully fledged night terrors. After going three consecutive days with only two hours of sleep per, she consulted Borden who prescribed her Valium to help her sleep and it worked.

Until last night.

Jane had taken her normal dose and fallen asleep within a half hour like normal. But not even twenty minutes later her protective detail, which had been immediately reassigned to her once she returned, had rushed into her safehouse because they heard gut-wrenching screams from within. Upon realization they carefully, but definitely panicked, tried to wake her. Once they succeeded their first instinct was to call Weller and update him but she begged them not to, and after seeing her in such an awful state they decided against it. Rationalizing with the sense that she wasn't in any actual danger so what need would they have to wake their boss up in the middle of the night?

Right?

Eventually Jane tried to fall back asleep, to no avail as within forty-five minutes her detail was back in her room. After that Jane realized that she wasn't going to get any more sleep and instead started to distract herself. She exercised, drew, cooked (ish), and showered.

Once five-am rolled around Jane thought to take matter into her own hands. She needed sleep! She opened her prescription bottle, got out three times her prescribed dosage, threw her head back, and popped 'em in.

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Kurt had taken the Lexus and parked about three blocks from Jane's safehouse because whether he wanted to admit it or not, Nas was right Sandstorm could definitely see him coming to Jane's safehouse as a huge red flag and decide to "cut their losses".

While walking Kurt shot Jane a quick text to let her know that he would be coming through her back door.

No answer.

He slid open her back door and immediately closed it once he was inside.

"Jane?"

He took a couple steps deeper into the house silently praying that she didn't just oversleep.

Then he saw her.... Well her hair, she was covered by the small coffee table in Kurt's direct sight line. She seemed to be laying on the ground in... The middle of her living room?

Kurt side stepped the coffee table, his first instinct being to check for injuries. He took a couple more steps before turning completely around.

OH MY GOD SHE'S NAKED!

Kurt said internally.

"Jane what are you doing?!" She obviously wasn't injured or distressed. This just kept more and more bizarre.

"Shhhhhhhh!"

"Excuse me?" Kurt said still turned around.

"Shhhh this is Jane's calm zone."

"Your what?"

"Shhhhhhh!"

What is wrong with her? Is she sick? No she's not coughing, or sneezing, or sweating, panting, moaning.....

Weller oh my God this is serious, get your mind out of the gutter!

Kurt scolded himself.

Okay okay okay so she's naked, on the floor, engaging in odd behaviors, and talking strangely..... Oh God.

"Jane are you high?"

"Ohhhh yeahhh."

Jane giggles and lightly snorts.

"Most definitely."

Sh*t.

"Okay then what are you on?"

"These little pills called Vaseline. Uh- no umm like valentine...valet??? Viola... Things."

"Valium?"

"YEAH! You're so smart, my next guess was Voldemort."

"Where did you get them from?"

"Th- that british guy, who's kind of hot."

Borden.

What am I supposed to do with her? She obviously can't go to work.

Kurt looks over his shoulder to see Jane "stargazing" at her popcorn ceiling.

"Look Kurt I found the big dipper!"

"Jane it's 11am and you're inside!"

Ugh God. Okay first and foremost I need to get her off the floor, into some clothes, fed, and then straight to sleep. Then contact my team to let them know I'll be taking the day and so will Jane. Optics be dam*ed, she needs me. And after Jane wakes up we are going to have a serious talk. Okay let's move.

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Later at SIOC.

"Guys it's Weller!" Patterson yelled signaling for Reade, Zapata, and Nas to follow her to the center console of her lab.

"You're on speaker."

"Is everyone there?" Kurt asked.

"Yep you got all of us." Tasha answered.

"Great. Jane and I are taking the day off. She has a couple of... issues to work out, to say the least, but we'll be back tomorrow."

No-one of the team dared to question this initiative, so Kurt started to delegate.

"No field-work is done without my say-so. Patterson you are in charge of any and all investigative work involving the tattoos. Nas the same instructions go for you except with the Sandstorm case. Tasha-" Kurt was cut off by a loud crash in the background.

"Yes?" Tasha responded.

"Hold on." Kurt walked from his "pacing spot" in Jane's living room to see Jane on her counter top with five porcelain, easily breakable, plates in her hands. "Jane, get down from there! What are you doing?" Kurt approached her slowly. She threw another plate at the wall mimicking the crash from earlier.

"Borden says channeling your anger is good for you!"

Jane says as she breaks another plate.

"I'm pretty sure this isn't what he meant!"

Another plate.

"Jane! Okay okay okay, why are you angry?"

"Because you made me put on clothes!"

She says throwing a plate towards Kurt who just barely dodged it.

"Um-" Kurt sputters fully aware that he's still on speaker phone, and the entire team can most definitely hear this conversation.

"WHAT IF I WANT TO BE A NUDIST HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT? HUH KURT!"

"Jane please get off the counter."

Kurt rubs his temple then brings the phone back up to his ear.

Tasha and Reade are equally stunned and confused, Patterson is trying her hardest to stifle her laughter, while Nas is completely unamused.

"Trouble in paradise?" Reade asked.

Patterson and Tasha back away from the console and cover their mouths to not let Weller hear their laughter.

"Very funny." Kurt says and rolls his eyes.

"Okay seriously what is going on? Why is Jane talking like that? And is she okay?" Tasha questions back to back.

"Oh-My-God." Patterson says, in complete Patterson fashion, wheels turning in her brain so fast you can almost see them. "She's high."

Tasha, Reade, and Nas collectively turn to look at Patterson.

"No... No way. Jane is way too hyper-focused on this to be on something." Reade tries to rationalize.

Kurt rubs his temple again.

"Look Jane and I are taking the day, Patterson you have tattoos, Nas you have Sandstorm, Tasha you're on approvals and clearances that anyone may need from me today, and Reade you get the fun job... Paperwork!" Kurt jokes (a rare occurrence really).

"Oh come on!" Reade exclaims.

The team, even Nas, chuckles while they hear another crash from the other side of the phone.

"Jane I swear to God if you throw ONE MORE PLATE!" Kurt directs his attention back to his team. " Ok everyone I really need to go. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"What about Jane?" Tasha asks.

"Let me worry about her."

"Well at very least try not to get a concussion." Reade quips.

"I'm hanging up now."

"Wait!" Patterson says.

"Yeah?"

"Don't think I don't notice."

"Excuse me?"

" Okay okay okay? You're taking a couple of pages out of my book! I'm actually quite flattered." Patterson smirks.

Kurt lets out a light chuckle.

"I think we all have actually. I heard Reade say 'opposite opposite' the other day!"

"Oh really!"

"Hey! We were supposed to keep that between us!" Reade jokingly scolds Kurt.

"I really have to go now, I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Kurt hangs up.

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Once Jane ran out of plates Kurt looped his arms around her knees and pulled her forward so she would fall over his shoulder. Then he calmly walked her back to her bedroom, where he thought she had been sleeping, and layed her down.

It would have been awkward to carry Jane to bed in only a shirt and panties in a completely platonic way, if he hadn't already done it three other times already. And counting. Plus he was glad (somewhat disappointed, if we're being honest) that she even kept on that much. Trying to control Jane had always been hard even when she first came out of that bag in Times Square, let alone now!

Kurt tucked her in for the fourth time today.

"Now Jane, I really need you to stay in bed this time okay?"

When Jane didn't acknowledge him, Kurt sighed and climbed into the other half of her bed to lay down.

"Whatareyou-"

"We are taking a nap!"

Jane gasps. "A Jeller sleepover!"

"Jeller?" Kurt chuckles.

"It's Jane and Weller, I made it up a longggg time ago."

He's gotta admit that when she's not a royal pain "high Jane" was actually pretty funny.

It seems as though having a "Jeller sleepover" was a perfect idea because once she grabbed Kurt's midsection, intertwined her bare legs with his,and snuggled up with him she immediately started dozing off.

That's when Kurt started asking questions. He figured that the best time to try and get any useful information out of her would be now, at her most vulnerable, high and tired.

"Jane?"

"Hmmm?" Jane basically hummed, her voice almost completely back to normal.

She readjusted her 'snuggling grip' around Kurt, holding him tighter. Kurt couldn't stop the butterflies he got from the gesture.

"What did you want to ask?"

He didn't want to ask her why she needed the pills. He wanted her to confide in him with that information, not scheme it out of her. Only when she's completely competent and sober will he ask her that.

"How long have you been taking Valium?"

"About four months, I think?"

Four months. So as soon as she got back from the black site, almost half a year and I had no idea.

"Can I go to sleep now?" Jane said with almost childlike innocence.

Kurt hated to deny her anything but he needed answers.

"Two more questions okay?" He stroked her hair then quickly took his hand away.

"Okay." Jane nuzzled her head into his chest.

More butterflies.

Kurt cleared his throat to compose himself.

"Earlier, when you were on the counter you said that Borden told you that you needed to get your anger out."

Jane yawned.

"Yeah, he said breaking things is a normal coping mechanism with PTSD, and actually one of the least destructive ones compared to drinking."

"Hmmm."

She has PTSD??? Of course she has PTSD she was in a freaking blacksite for three months what did you expect? And you didn't even check in on her.

"Ok last one, you said earlier that you were utilizing your "Jane calm zone". What is that?"

Jane closed her eyes.

"It's where it's quiet." Jane looked up at Kurt for the first time since he got in her bed.

"My thoughts swirl around my head all day unwantedly. They distract me, all the time. Sometimes I can't think because they're screaming. So I imagine a calm place,it's different everytime. The setting doesn't really matter, I just need quiet."

Kurt just stared at her. Whatever he was expecting her to say, that definitely wasn't it. He thought her "calm place" was just a direct hallucination from the Valium, but to know she actually uses it to.... Quiet her thoughts.

He shivered.

"Go to sleep now Jane."

He stroked her hair again. He's been refraining from touching her. High or not he would still be holding her in bed, but he was exhausted. So what the h*ll he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer than she was holding him. It felt better than it should.

He was still actively ignoring his feelings about Jane but he wasn't mad at her anymore. They could even laugh and joke sometimes. He wanted to be there for her. Now more than ever. She needed him, whether she would be able to even remember today or not, she needed him.

Within two minutes of them holding each other they were both in a deep sleep. That couldn't last long enough.