I feel there’s been a miscommunication to Maddy & Pyro about the nature of fandom and the code of conduct in fandom spaces, and I’m a bit floored by how many people seem to broadly agree with these statements without further elaboration. It is not my intent nor my purpose to disrespect or shun anyone with a differing opinion than mine, and should say that the purpose of this post is not to get Maddy or Pyro to “revoke” their statements; but instead I want to reiterate the nature of fandom - especially the significance of shipping - reiterate what a boundary is compared to a request, and propose what a better boundary could look like. Also included is a final section about negative mental health in fandom and how to manage that.
I feel the need to say: I respect Maddy & Pyro and admire their courage for trying to communicate something that’s been weighing on them. Nevertheless, their statements are absurdly vague at best and unreasonable at worst.
As a prelude, I want to clarify what I am actually addressing.
Pyro: “I will be adjusting my personal boundaries to stop shipping any character created by me and is associated with my name going forward.” (Paragraph One, Line Two)
Maddy: “I am no longer comfortable with the shipping culture surrounding Jack's (or my) characters,…” (Screenshot One, Paragraph One, Lines Three and Four)
These two statements are the only thing of interest to this post.
The statements “stop shipping” and “no longer comfortable with the shipping culture surrounding Jack's (or my) characters,” are enormously vague and do not serve as concrete boundaries. As a result fans are being forced to interpret what is being defined as a boundary. In the best possible interpretation, Maddy & Pyro are telling their fan communities to stop involving them or sending them content related to shipping. This, in my opinion, is a reasonable request. However it should’ve been clearer and more articulate. A better boundary to state would be something like the following:
“Do not send us fan made content shipping us, either in our discord servers, twitch chats, youtube comments, social medias, etc. The result will be a ban from those spaces.”
If this is what they’re asking for, this is something we as a fan community could do. Discussion would, for the large part, end here.
However another interpretation, which is worse, but also the implied meaning of the joint statements, requests for the ceasing of shipping including characters associated with Maddy & Pyro all together. This is problematic for 2 key reasons:
This is not a boundary that can be enforced in any meaningful way, and is something that will simply not stop. Shipping, in this instance referring exclusively to the pairing of characters in romantic/sexual relationships, is a core pillar of fandom culture. Fanart, fanfiction, fan analysis, fan edits, are often created with particular ships in mind. It’s not a disputed claim to say that the majority of fandomites engage in shipping, in both private or public. Even when creators/authority figures in canon work discourse specific ships, Fandom spaces serve as safe places to celebrate and discuss shipping. Even if you somehow got Tumblr, AO3, Twitter, Reddit, Tik Tok, Convention centers, the Law itself to prohibit any mention of a ship, people would and still discuss shipping in private. See the famed K/S shippers in the 70s. Shipping and fan speculation is simply something that will not be stopped and cannot be. Any restriction against shipping is simply not enforceable.
This is not a boundary Maddy & Pyro have the authority to ask for. And yes, I do mean ask. FANdom is a FAN space, the creator of a piece of media, whether that be author, actor, director, or yes MCYTer, has no innate authority here. You are welcome here, but this is a community, not a commission or something someone is doing FOR you. As a result you have no authority to police the behaviour of others in this community. There is also the broader issue under this implication that Maddy & Pyro consider it fandom’s responsibility to take care of their mental health. This is obviously something fandom cannot nor is expected to do, but I do have a longer section soon discussing negative mental health caused by fandom.
“Shouldn’t we respect their boundaries?”
Yes, with the caveat that the statements put forth (“stop shipping” and “no longer comfortable with the shipping culture surrounding Jack's (or my) characters,”) are not boundaries. Boundaries are behaviours YOU DO to regulate someone else’s behaviour. As explained to me by my old psychiatrist, asking someone to “stop commenting on my weight” is a request. “If you make a comment about my weight I am leaving the room.” Is a boundary. There is clear consequence for an action someone else takes.
“Okay then, but shouldn’t we respect this request?”
That depends entirely on if the request is reasonable. You wouldn’t acquiesce to a stranger who asks you to move out of your house for no given reason. I hope I’ve outlined that if Maddy & Pyro mean the first interpretation (“stop involving them or sending them content related to shipping.”) that this is a perfectly reasonable request to honour and should be taken up by fandom. If it is the second interpretation (“ceasement of all shipping of the characters associated with Maddy & Pyro), that is a request that is neither reasonable to ask nor really enforceable in the way they put forth.
For Maddy and Pyro, aka what to do about negative mental health because of fandom.
Although I titled this side point “For Maddy and Pyro”, this point is directed at fellow fandomites who may relate with the negative consequences on mental health expressed by Maddy & Pyro as a result of fandom spaces.
Firstly: It is neither shameful nor unexpected to be overwhelmed with negative feelings in towards fandom. I feel a lot of old fandomites can agree with me that it really does happen to everyone at least once, to most people multiple times. Fandom inspires intense emotions, it would be somewhat absurd (and against the historical record) to think those are all positive ones. But like with anything in your life causing negative emotions, it isn’t healthy or helpful to overanalyze and overindulgence when you understand you aren’t feeling well. Instead, you pull back. If watching Tik Tok makes you angry, sad, distressed, or upset, no one would suggest you keep watching. It’s the same with fandom. Pull back. Distance yourself for a while. Take a break.
Fandom is designed to be a curated space. We stand by the principle “Do not like, Do not engage.” Platforms like Tumblr and Archive of our Own pride themselves on their robust tagging systems and both have features to block/remove posts depending on their tags. Tumblr additionally has “Not interested in this post” and “Not interested in this blog” as a feature on recommended posts. All social media platforms have a blocking feature, which are literally made with the express purpose of curating and establishing boundaries. My point is that there are built in features & systems for these issues. Yes, some things slip through the cracks, and yes it can be annoying, but it's rarer than it is common. And frankly, there will never be an effective way to filter out everything on the internet that makes you uncomfortable. Part of being on the internet is learning to deal with that.
Sometimes it can be hard to identify if what you're feeling is “too negative” or worth taking a break over. In my personal experience, if you’re considering taking a break, it's a good sign to gently lay down the fandomsphere for a bit and go do something else. If you are feeling negatively overwhelmed by fandom, it’s your job to distance yourself, then come back to curate your space. Please never feel shame because you needed to step back, take your time. Fandom will still be here.
