Here's my real tip for anyone moving out on their own for the first time; when you buy a set of measuring cups or spoons buy ones that have the measurement engraved into the cup/spoon and do NOT buy ones where it's just printed on. Because that ink/paint/ect. can rub off and then you'll have a bunch of useless little spoons and cups you have to get rid of bcs they no longer say what size they are. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me that you wanna buy engraved ones.

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

ohh my god but what if there is still time. what if there is still time. hey. there is still time? there is still time. have you heard. there is still time. hi. there is still time. did you know. there is still time.

woke deadbeat father: i'm just going to get some oat milk

at what age does it start sounding wierd to call your baby "it" ?

none. #it/itspronounsbaby #wokebaby #hellyeahwokebaby

There are US Senators dying who have never died before

It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years

crab

There’s an emotion only unlocked when you live in a house with multiple stories. I call it “the stair emotion” and it’s when you realize the object you need is on the other side of yet another trip up and down those goddamn stairs. It’s the closest I get to transcending the desire for material goods. Maybe I don’t need that notebook. Maybe I don’t need anything.

The Ikea biphobia couch is the funniest thing that's ever happened. We found it gang. Nothing will ever top it in terms of being funny.

The what???

???

I don't know what to tell you man.

top tier character trait will always be “I care about you deeply, even though I betrayed you. even though I would do it again” I don’t make the rules

The best reddit thread I’ve ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long

Best quote from that thread: “To give the gang a slight advantage, We’ll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise.”