In Omnia Paratus (everyone DNI)

But with the long ones, there’s a whole range of things that you either don’t experience or speedrun through when they’re quick so the feeling doesn’t stay with you after the fact. Like, I can just be sitting there and just feel like I have someone else’s facial features. Not like the face attached to my body isn’t mine, but like the nose that is definitely mine and attached to my face is a completely different looking nose, or eyes or whatever.

Or, having fluctuating control of different body parts (which is odd enough with just other frontera because we don’t have full possessive switches all that often). This is still kind of happening. Right now I can move my right hand fine, but it feels kinda syrupy like it’s been asleep and it keeps defaulting to a position like I’m about to play piano. Last night I had almost no control over two fingers, and a little bit ago I just couldn’t do anything while it had what looked like a tic attack (that I know wasn’t one). I wrote half this post so far with just one hand, which is a pain and a half. (I took it off the phone for a second and it started again for a second). The whole process feels like it’s staring with the left now which is fun.

I’ve also spent most of today and the end of last night listening to the same album on loop. It’s something I’ve done completely by myself and it’s an album I would do that with, but it feels way different. I’ve switched to something else by a different artist to maybe help get someone else out so I at least don’t have to do this solo, and I’m actually having jitters (physically shaking) and I can only assume it’s because of that.

Honestly, I don’t even know how long this thing’s been going on. Because a while back, I remember getting a vague feeling of a half-formed someone new here (two someone’s, actually) and getting the kinda spacey feeling, and then they both went away and I haven’t seen them since. But now this is happening and I’m getting flashes of them again, so I get the feeling it turned into a three part split instead of two. Because that would help explain why this is hitting so hard.

Sometimes you’re going to be angry.

Maybe it's because they left you, even if you haven’t seen them in years. Maybe it’s because they never really got retribution for what they did. Maybe it’s because how dare they put you through all these emotions. Maybe there’s no reason for it at all.

And that’s all okay. 

It’s a lot to deal with and it can feel really, really wrong, but that’s unfortunately just par for the course for this kind of situation. Because of its nature, stuff like this is always going to be messy. Grief is complicated and messy and rough when it’s over someone you had a good relationship with, it’s a whole different animal when you didn’t.

Run by two members of a DID system - Jabari & Corey

Yeah lol

Grounding in general can be a double edged sword for people with C-PTSD. It's great if you can do it in a good time and have a safe and positive experience cause being grounded and learning to be comfortable being grounded is a really good step for healing and recovery, but like it can be a lot for people who are still trauma processing, in early trauma processing, or having really bad flashbacks since it like, gives *more* information which is often overloading and all

But tldr, yeah lol.

While it is easier said than done, the main theme of early recovery is not trauma processing but just living life and trying to make your life safer for you as a whole. Seek out positivity, life improvement, things for yourself in the present and a little bit in the future - don't intentionally start out seeking the past and hurt and pain.

They're ableist and aphobic, but worst of all, they make it everyone's problem. Or maybe they're actually not, but what does it matter? They continually reblog posts with annoying comments about how someone is faking or attention-seeking.

Don't bother sending asks. They're just a dumb troll who wants attention. Happens all the time and yeah, it's annoying as hell and it does real damage. But you're not their therapist or their parent, now are you?

Again, stay safe, block them, and report them. And remember kids! Don't feed the trolls!

Screenshots of their blog will be listed below the cut.