Eggsbert

What the fuck is this election.

I know that videogames will sometimes question your morality but not when it comes to looting the dead. 

#listen i killed this fucker fair and square i’m taking his gun and ammo and u can’t stop me

me: truth or dare ted cruz: truth me: are y- ted cruz: dare

The fact that no time travelers have appeared to stop Donald Trump yet suggests one of two things: either he doesn’t win the election or he does and the entire world ends.

Or Ted Cruz was the time traveller, and his participation in the race is part of a stable time loop which leads to Trump becoming President

Ted Cruz’s uncanny behavior and appearance are actually because he is an alien investigating the exact reasons why Earth became a charred cinder in galactic federation year 20967234. He dropped out when he realized the answer and is now making arrangements to be beamed away before it is too late.

unfortunately due to a mishap during the beaming process he is sent to 1960’s northern california and is driven mad and thus becomes the zodiac killer

which we all gave him the idea for in the first place

case closed everyone hit the showers

TRY IT IN THE MACBATH

linda’s coming for ya neck

gonna die historic on the fury road

HE BOOT TOO BIG FOR HIM GOT DAM FEET

Every time I read that post about doing things out of spite I remember that C. S. Lewis put that fucking street lamp in Narnia because Tolkien once said that no good fantasy story would have a lamp in it.