I grew tall to fill the void

[names my sons cain and abel] alright. get to it

okay so they just led me to water. yep. yep. uh huh. okay. thank you *click* hey my lawyer said you cant make me drink

yknow its interesting how something can impact one demographic in a completely different way than everyone else. in the exorcist when the demon starts speaking in greek, to most people its creepy. but if youre greek and you suddenly start hearing the demon speak perfect fucking greek its genuinely the biggest scare of the movie. you just do not expect to ever hear your language in american movies so it catches you so badly off guard, it feels like the movie is talking directly to you

the first time my dad saw it, it was with his american friends. and when she started speaking greek he turned to one of them and was like "re malaka did you hear that in english?"

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

if ur gonna be pressed into service by your liege lord, u want to be the swiftest rider. get good at horses, because they're always sending the swiftest rider off to do some other shit that is, crucially, away from the battlefield. I'm telling u. when ur forces are outnumbered and the enemy legions show up with some unexpected advantage, someone in command is gonna say, "send the swiftest rider to alert the queen!!!" that's u. u want to be that guy

i love the word "ostensibly", you can write some mean ass sentences with it

baseball fights are better than hockey fights because everyone expects a fight in hockey. baseball fights are some real hater shit

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

The phrase “Tip: I am so fucking mad” will not leave my brain