gay and confused

I don't want to "be"

Like. I’ve always sorta understood that things grow moldy or stale or sour or such if left out, but I never really internalized it in a meaningful way.

But now I’m just like.

Yeah. The hungering dust. There exists omnivorous dust in the air that will eat my food if I don’t.

Those bagels have been sitting there for a week. Are we going to eat them soon or are we leaving them for the hungering dust?

Pizza’s been sitting out on the counter for an hour. Everyone’s enjoying the pizza, but if we don’t want “everyone” to include the hungering dust then we should probably put it away soon.

That’s just. That’s how food works to me now. There exists an invisible predator in the air that hungers for your yummies, and it will not hesitate to eat your food if you don’t make the effort to protect and preserve it. And eat what can’t be preserved before the dust can.

“go bad”, it just gets eaten

by something else first

I once was picking at a scab from a pimple so much a few years back that it turned into something else I don’t remember the name of but because I kept damaging it so often my skin went “fuck off” and created a kind of hard scab thingy that has a medical term I don’t remember anymore and I had to put stuff on it (I think it was a form of an acid that would slowly break it down to go back to normal if I remember correctly) and fight myself not to pick at it so it would heal properly

After I stopped picking at my face I picked at my nails which . I’ve always picked at my nails like in the background of the other stuff. But anyways I kept accidentally hurting myself from picking my nails so much they’d bleed and my nail beds would hurt so I would put nail polish on and tried hard to will myself not to pick because ooo! Ooo look you’re messing up your nail polish oo nooo my pretty nail polish and eventually it worked, and I pretty much always have nail polish on now and I pick at it when it’s chipped at a certain point but I don’t hurt my nails as bad. And then my hands discovered the skin around my nails and went “LOOPHOLE” and now the skin around my left thumb is noticeably constantly red and raw and sometimes it bleeds a little but not commonly and my other thumb as been picked on too so I’ve been trying to use bandaids when I remember to because I keep fucking my thumbs up without thinking about it much

It’s mostly picking with my fingers but sometimes I do bite at the skin around my nails on all my fingers but mostly my thumbs. my thumbs take most of the beating now a days

If I don’t keep my nails short I start picking at them and start ripping at and hurting my nails all over again