ash

So a day or 2 ago tommyinit posted a picture of technoblade's desk i presume how he left it and it got me thinking about my grandpa's office still how he left it when he died when I was 8 then I started to cry because sometimes I wish I could be a little kid again just for a little while to sit on the arm of my grandpa's chair again and lean on his shoulder watching TV eating dots again even if its just for a moment or two besides helping with the horses at his ranch it was my favorite thing to do i miss him so fucking much I wish no kid has to experience the pain I felt when I found out he died especially not an 8 year old it broke me for months

I was supposed to go with my dad and brother to take my great uncle out for dinner but I had to watch my mom so I couldn't go so they were supposed to bring me dinner and they whent to red lobster so I was excited for it and my mom was being a pain so when I was brought back nothing not even a cheddar biscuit safe to say I wasn't that happy now everyone's annoyed at me because I'm upset about not being brought what was supposed to be my dinner or atleast part of it and we don't have alot of stuff to make an actual meal because we're leaving on a trip tomorrow so we don't have that much food so now idk what to have for dinner and im too tired to make something substantial

I was re dyeing my hair today and I ended up with allergy like bumps on my shoulder I know I'm not allergic to the dye I use and the only difference that there was was much colder water so I may react to really cold water this is an interesting discovery since the only thing iv been alergic to or had a reaction to has been a really specific grass

I have my endocrinologist app tomorrow and imma try and talk about possibly having pots (even thought its not her field) with her to hopefully be recommended to go to someone who can help because my general doctor keeps brushing off everything or telling me to be shush

The one thing about my house i hate is the insulation in my exterior facing wall its allways either hot as hell or freezing in mine and my brother's rooms because the builders of my house were cutting corners everywhere they could so alot is messed up but the only thing that bothers me is my room becoming freezing when ever the weather drops in to the 50s or so

I started feeling like I had a cold a little after getting home from opening night just to wake up with the worst cold iv had so I won't get to be there for the last 2 nights and I invited someone so if they come I won't get to say hi to them

In about 11 or so days I won't be able to use the feature on my insulin pump that we paid around 500 to 700 dollars for because dexcom desided i need to be on the g7 that desent connect to omnipod and won't for a while so I will probably have to miss a shit ton of school because my blood sugar is gonna be to wonky till we find the "perfect" settings and my transmitter for g6 still has 2 or so months on it so thats alot of money wasted

This week is hell week (tech week) and an old friend/ex kinda may come idk tho but I'm making them a present simalar to what they have given me in the past but its all from stuff I made or found only thing bought is a little key charm thats just cute and iv had them for years, im using the water colors I made from dried rose petal powder I made and the ash from a few I burned to make a note and some can tabs (not ment to mean anything) im really excited idk if they are even going but its just fun to make the little gift tin