The Lucky One

my favorite thing is to say "investing in" instead of "buying"

just closed on a big deal with a major grocery chain vis-a-vis the procurement of some fresh strawberries

dandelions are magic. literally tiny suns in the grass that turn into the moon and then the stars when you blow on them. fucking insane.

my ideal date? we’re in a courtroom. i’m in handcuffs. you’re at the witness stand refusing to meet my gaze and i’m being dragged away thrashing and wild-eyed and screaming “YOU’LL SEE!! YOU’LL ALL SEE!!!!” as the room visibly avoids looking at me so as to escape the uncomfortable reminder of the atrocities i’ve committed in the name of science and- wait where are you going. wait come back

"Do you believe in love?" I believe in fictional men loving every aspect of their lover

yeah because you work at bath and body works

not even God can predict this ending