Schist happens

having a pet kinda awesome wdym i got a little scoundrel running around named after the guy in dracula who eats bugs

my scoundrel eats bugs too. nominative determinism

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD

@capybaraonabicycle

Thinking about the whole "there is no platonic explanation for this" thing and how it doesn't account for intense platonic situationships and anyways I think we should start saying "there is no casual explanation for this" bc really what we're talking about is the way the characters in question are Obsessed with each other

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

keeping a blokelist of problematic english men

by the way it's fine to like sexual content just for the sake of it. "we can't ban porn because other stuff will get banned" "sometimes nude art has value" "the government will classify queer people as sexual" this is all true but it's okay to just like porn. its okay to not want porn to be banned because you like it.

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible