he was born Isabella Swan. His mom had always always told him how she had never wanted a boy, had never wanted someone she couldnât relate to. He asked her, once when he was going through one of those episodes kids with crappy moms all get where they feel like she loves them unconditionally, what she wouldâve named him if heâd been born differently.
She laughed. âOh, Beaufort of course. Iâd have it no other way.â
He didnât like Beaufort, but he hated it less than Isabella. He tried it out with a few friends. They seemed kind of weird about it too.
He asked his mom, a few months later, how sheâd feel about calling him Beaufort instead of Isabella. She told him he was being ridiculous, but she would allow him to âexplore that tomboy stageâ with bella instead.Â
He didnât like it much better. But she refused to listen.
When Charlie picked him up from the airport on one of their last summer trips, heâd given up on anyone understanding. They rode in the rental car in silence, on the way to a condo the officer had rented out for the next few weeks.
âSoâŚâ Charlie had started, looking over to his adolescent child who was wearing ill fitting large womenâs tees and even bigger flannels. In the middle of the summer. In california. âItâs Bella now?â
The boy had shifted uncomfortably in his seat, picking at his nails.Â
âYeah, mom didnât like-â He stopped himself. There wasnât a need to explain further. âYeah.â
But charlie pressed.Â
âShe didnât like what?â Silence.
âWas there something else you wanted to be called?â Crickets. The radio wasnât even on. They hadnât figured out the stations yet. Charlie sighed, putting a hand over his mouth for a second in the way men do when trying to avoid running fingers through their hair as they thing.Â
They stopped at a red light and the father took a chance to look over at his child once more. Brown eyes stared straight ahead, but he could still see the flush of red beneath pale skin, the lower lip between teeth, the anxiety. What had she said to her own child to make them react like this?
âCause if weâre being honest, Bella isnât really the name Iâd have chosen for you.â His teen looked over at him, tense. He tried to backpedal. âNot that thereâs anything wrong with Bella or Isabella or anything. If thatâs what you want, I mean.â
âAll Iâm saying is they both sound like something Renee wouldâve said.â
The light turned green. He couldnât look to see the reaction his words had caused for a few moments as he battled the traffic. Some fool was forgetting his blinker in a mad dash to weave through traffic and Charlie didnât really feel like having a wreck at the moment.
A careful voice broke the silence.Â
âBeaufort.â His son said, which just like his father was followed up with a few sentences of rationalization because he too was just as afraid of rejection from the only family he had left too reject him.Â
âItâs not perfect, but mom said itâs what she wouldâve named me if I was a boy and I asked her if it was okay to use but she said it wasnât and chose Bella instead but I really hate Bella almost as much as I hate Isabella and-â The boy put his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. He couldnât find a way to express the volcano of emotions that was bubbling up and erupting inside of him.
âDo you want to be a boy?â Charlie asked, softly. He was still driving, casually now. The idiot with the need for speed had finally pulled off the main road.
âOf course it is.â Charlie gave a smile his sonâs way. âWant a burger?â
A few days later, when they were playing chess in the kitchen while Charlie was showing off the cooking skills Billy had taught him over the last few months, the nickname slipped out.
âBeau can you hand me the cutting board? Not the knife, youâre not allowed to touch knives until-â He looked at his son who had recently busted his elbow after tripping over a seashell at the beach. â- actually never. Please, never touch a knife.â
And, once more, that was that. When Renee decided to leave her son like sheâd left her husband for a more exciting life with her new fling, Beau went right on home to his dad, who proudly told everyone who could listen about how much he loved his son Beau Swan, and with a little less pride, how much he h a t e d his new boyfriend.Â
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