أحب الأشياء

I lost a boy who didn’t give a damn about me. It was supposed to be his loss not mine. But why? Why does it hurts so much? ” she asked as she bit her lip trying to keep her tears at bay. I held her hand and smiled sadly at her, “ It felt like I lost my ability to breathe when I lost him. It was like I was trying to keep afloat all this time and then he left me with nothing but an anchor tangled around my body. I drowned after he left. And the saddest part is, I lost the will to fight my way back to the surface. Nothing seems to matter anymore. The shining stars I used to love lost its sparkle and light in my eyes, it became nothing but a burning piece of rock for me. The blue ocean that used to make my sadness disappear lost its ability to extinguish the wild fire threatening to burn my heart to ashes, it became nothing but salty waters for me. The children’s laughter I used to consider my favorite song became nothing but an annoying sound that makes me want to cover up my ears. The words in my favorite books I used to fall in love with over and over again became nothing but empty letters I cringe at. Every color turned gray, everything became nothing but a blur. All I could think of was the fact that I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my being and it still wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. You see, when you lose someone who didn’t give a damn about you, it really isn’t your loss, it’s theirs. But when you lose yourself because you loved someone so much even though they never gave a damn about you, then it’s kind of your loss too because you lost the only thing you were supposed to always have. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much. Maybe that’s why it will always hurt.

If you’re going to walk out of my life, l ask one thing of you. Once you’re gone and you see that l’m doing fine, don’t you dare come back.

If you want to go, then you may. I won’t stop you, you can go whenever you want to. I am just tired of chasing people. I am tired of stopping them when they want to leave. I’m tired of always being the one to left behind. Now if the time comes that this is not where you wanted to be, then leave. I am not pushing you away, this is just me saying that it’s always your choice to leave and i want you to know that i am not giving up on you, it’s just that i am already used to people giving up on me then comes back whenever they want to. And i want you to know that i am here staying and you can come back once you realize that you want me in your life. But for now, i’m done with the chase.

kaka sweldo lang bills aproaching na agad bes ang sakit sakit bes i’m so broke for this day.</3