my favorite OOO ü fucking finally.

A picked me up & we stopped by sa favorite matcha spot ko before we head over sa trivia night with our common friends sa tagaytay, which reminded me why i don’t like fortuners, pa slide slide down nalang ako and i am mentally scolding myself on my why did I agree to come over, and I am enumerating my reasons sa utak ko pero sa dulo isa lang alam ko, i need to go out or else i’d go insane.

may sinasabi siya during the ride but I just stopped him and told him, “don’t make promises you can’t keep”, pero now hindi ko matandaan ano ba yun? grabe yung pag disassociate ko. papaulit ko nalang pag punta ng batangas. hindi ko masabi na mahirap pag nasa isang circle of people kayo, kasi okay din naman, di naman sya awkward, pero laging 100% chance na sa kotse niya ko lagi sasabay tapos laging 100% chance na mag uusap kami, always 100% yung itatanong yung mga bagay na kahit ako walang sagot. gusto ko na matanggal sa survival pls lang ng may maisagot ako sakanya.

but here I am thinking tapusin ko nalang yung SOP and BCP documents over the weekend so they will have something at di sila from scratch.

its funny kasi it’s unprofessional because my mom stepped in but at the same time, ayoko na din pilitin kasi every morning ang lala ng palpitations ko just because I am going to work.

I am somehow relieved kasi I will just do the SOP over the weekend, save and log out and there’s a part na I am still nervous and I am panicking. Pagod nako sa totoo lang. I just want to sleep until this is over

nah, not really my thing. super rare na you’d see me trashtalk any of my exes online (& offline), passing conversations lang if friends ask. i don’t check their socials, i unblocked most of them but that’s it. because why would you that? hindi ako masyadong interested sa life nila.

[February] — slowly moving in ✨ & can you believe my blinds are pink? it is pink, like pink!! & I want to own a forest green chair or maybe an orange one. aaaaaaagh.

sharing with you a glimpse of books I loved and re-read whenever I get the chance & I put up all our toys (lowell’s) so I can feel his presence around me, knowing I am not alone. (this is me slowly sharing because I lost my spark and connection with social media, especially tumblr).

& say hi to my live plants!! I have taller ones coming in but I have this small plants for now!!

& sharing a little bit of information about me, na only people who truly spent time with me knows I love watching old Filipino films in youtube, like I would play any film every chance I get (every staycation, every airbnb check ins * flight trips) and February's pick is Judy ann and Rico Yan's movie; "Kay tagal kitang hinintay", followed by Sharon and Miguel's; "To love again", common theme ng top picks ko ay, patay na yung leading men. hahahahaha! crushing over dead people.

ang dami kong realization, i am so proud of myself. that emotional havoc I faced last january kick started this whole journey I planned, and I cant believe 3 months na. madali na mag regulate ng nervous system.

ive always believed that the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself & I read somewhere and tumatak sa isip ko, “that relationship isn’t built in the noise of social validation or the performance of oversharing—it’s built in privacy, in stillness, in the quiet moments that belong only to you.” my thoughts, my emotions, my ambitions are mine first, they are not for public consumption, they are not up for discussion. i like myself better now, and that’s what matters.