Great Perhaps of '96

When it's gonna be?

The days

which I am not

too often that it became a breeze in my morning

I've heard my echoes of "I'll try again"

so much that it became a lullaby in my sleepless nights

"You become what you tolerate," the wise people would say

I was starting to have a hard time believing in You. I am starting to feel like everything is going against me. Several rejections to job applications, financial downturns, health issues.

I was trying hard and giving my all, yet here I am crashing. Some nights I pray to You, lifting up the things I cannot control, but lately these things were not favoring me. Job applications put on halt (damn economic recession). Unexpected outward cash flows due to family circumstances.

Sometimes I ask, are You really there? Or maybe You are there and I am just not worth listening to? I always believe that there is a greater hand to all of this. The hand that makes precision to this universe, and what choice do I have other than to plead to this hand? I guess, I just have to pray and pray harder until my prayer annoys You.

I give up. I am already lost. If it won't take too much of you, please find me. But if you can't, I guess it is okay.

Hope to finally see you in the next one.

Sincerely,

Lack of confidence. Lack of self-love. Lack of willingness. Lack of the urge to defy the mechanical nature of life. Lack of feeling loved. Lack of the ability to love. Lack of hope. Lack of dreams. Lack of "look forwards". Lack of anticipation for tomorrow. Lack of serendipity. Lack of interest to anything for believing that yourself alone is uninteresting. Lack of happiness, or a reason for happiness. Lack of sadness, or a reason for sadness. Lack of reason. Lack of objective. Lack of answers for lacking questions in the first place.

When I was younger, I knew that emptiness is the absence of something I desire. It didn't really change. This is still the same emptiness that I know. So what is the point of this writing?

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same."

1. Would you go if someone from Tumblr asked you out for coffee?

2. Who among your Tumblr friends/moots you’d love to have coffee with?

1.) Yes