you can almost feel your heart physically aching inside of you, it feels as though it is physically trying to escape from your rib cage. your chest feels tight like there is no room inside for your diaphragm to contract nor expand. you squeeze your hands into fists and hold in hopes of the trembling to halt but it never does, no matter how long you hold.

you try your hardest to stop your laments before gojo gets back, but some days, like today, it hadn’t worked. you hear the front door open and then close before you hear the familiar locks click into place. once again trapped. then it’s footsteps, and he’s making his way to the bedroom.

the second the door opens you avert your gaze towards a wall in the opposite side of the room. you knew if he saw you sobbing the way you are his first action would be to comfort you and inquire you about why you’re crying (it’s more demanding if anything; you won’t be leaving this conversation until he gets the answers he wants). truthfully, you didn’t know why you thought looking away from him would do much to cover you tear stained face and you puffy eyes.

from the corner of your eye you see him make his way towards where you are seated on the bed and sit in front of you. you feel the touch of his hand on your thigh and it begins to caress up and down in a slow motion. gojo tilts his head to the side to get a better look at your face but you still refuse to make eye contact.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, his tone more sincere than it would normally be, but there’s still a particular unpleasant frown on his face. “why are you crying? did something happen?” he’s asking too many questions that all mean the same thing, and he knows that your answer will be the exact same as it was the last hundred thousand times.

you try to make an effort to push his hand off your thigh but it does nothing so you quickly give up, opting to scratch at the top of his hand in hopes of making it unbearable to comfort you with touch. eventually, when you don’t answer his other hand reaches for your face and with a tight enough grip on your chin he turns your face towards his.

you realize that you’re going to have to answer one way or another, so you decide to go with the option that involves you choosing for yourself. with your bottom lip quivering and with more tears falling from your lash line you stutter out your quiet answer: “i miss my family.”

you hold back a guttural sob as you watch gojo smile in that mocking way he always does when he pretends to feel bad for your predicament. “aw, you poor thing,” he says, and you think you hear a small laugh.

you try to look down but the grip he still has on your jaw prevents you from turning your head anywhere that isn’t his face. “why can’t you let me go?” you sniff back snot that threatens to drip from your nose, “i promise i won’t tell anyone, just…just let me go. let me leave, please.” more tears spill out of your eyes.

“you know i can’t do that.” he says it in such a way that makes more tears spill out of your eyes. you don’t want to hear it, you don’t want to hear another thing from him. you don’t want to feel his hands on your body, and you especially don’t want to smell him in every single corner of your new life.

“why?” you sob out, as your salty tears made contact with his hand that is still holding your face.

he laughs this time, loud enough for you to hear it.

“well, who’s going to keep you safe if i let you go? huh? i know you can’t handle what’s out there all by your lonesome, and i sure as hell can’t tie you to my leg so i know where you are at all times…but that does sound like an interesting idea…anyway. with you safely in here i knew exactly where you are and what you’re doing at all times.”

he points to the camera in the corner of the room, and it’s just like the ones he has all over the house to watch you while he’s away at work, often for days at a time.

your eyes bore holes into his condescending smile, watching it grow. you want him gone, you want him dead. “you can’t do that!” you yell at him and shake you head, tears falling everywhere. “you can’t just keep me here forever!” your hands fly to his chest and you bang your fists against him, each hit gaining more and more power. before you get the chance to hit him again he manages to catch both of your wrist in his hands.

“hey, come on now, i’m just keeping you from harms way.” a frown makes its way onto his face again, but it’s nothing more than patronizing. the hold he has on your wrist feels suffocating, your breath becomes ragged once again when you tried to and failed to rip yourself out of his painful grip.

you’re back where you started. “please, gojo,” you beg, “you can see me whenever you want, i just want to see my family, that’s all i want.” your head falls into his lap, it’s is quite undignifying, very actually.

saying his name has always been rather difficult for you, especially when it came to his first name. you hated the idea of giving into his pleas and saying it just like he wants, because it would mean you had come to terms with living here, with him, in your new life. and that was the last thing you wanted.

“i told you no.” his voice is stern and direct, even with your head in his lap, with your hands bound by his in a tight clutch, he still refuses to take your words into consideration, even. “we’ve been over this before, haven’t we? you need to start listening to me. i’m trying to keep you safe, you don’t know what’s out there.”

you sob into the material of his pants letting out incoherent nonsense that can roughly be translated into ‘please i want to go home’, but how silly because you are home. you’re home and safe from all those monsters he tells you about, that latch onto you and feed off of you draining you of everything; you think that this so called ‘monster’ has already caught you in its claws.

he finally lets go of your wrists and brings his hands to cup your cheek and drag your limp body up to look at him. he wipes your continuous stream of tears with the pads of his thumbs and coos softly, “you shouldn’t cry so much you’ll get a headache.”

it only makes you want to cry harder. your breathing grows laboured as you try to speak back to him, but every word is consumed by a hiccup and more tears.

he hums in amazement at your state. “how about i go make us some food? how does that sound?”

“i’m not hungry.”

“i could order us something? what do you want?” that stupid smile you hate so, so much won’t leave his face.

“no,” you spit back without thinking, “i just want to go home.”

“you’re still stuck on this?” he barely holds back and eye roll. “that’s becoming a problem.”

there’s nothing but complete silence after that. his face is blank of the smile he previously wore, and his hands had dropped from your face, and they are now planted on his own thighs. you blink once, twice, thrice…you hold back your sobs but your tears never stop.

“stop asking and let’s go eat.” is the last thing he utters before getting up and walking out of the room. you knew you definitely overstepped the line, something was going to happen whether he tells you or not, either way, it will be you paying later tonight or one of your family members in the nearest future.

when you had originally met gojo this was the last thing you had thought would occur, you thought that you might have finally found a good boyfriend. but no, happiness comes with a hefty price, and it wasn’t one you were willing to pay, so fate chose your other option for you. but there really wasn’t any other option, he was going to have you either way whether you liked it or not. whether you wanted him or not.

“oh, i’m sorry,” ellie muses, feigning concern. a fake frown hung over her lips like she actually cares.

you laugh at her clear smugness, head rolling back before you turn to look back at her. “don’t give me your pity. we both know you don’t care,” you find it quite ironic that she seems to give the impression that she does truly care for your heartbreak, but in reality she’s been praying for it. for her own benefit that is.

“oh no, trust me, i care.” she concedes.

“…for? my relationships? people i date or talk to?” you lift your brow, gaze drilling into her eyes like you’re trying to see what’s behind them.

“mmmh, yes.”

“why? humour me.”

“because i care about you.”

the words are thrown at one another like three quick snaps. one. two. three. and you watch her mouth open again, “haven’t i told you that before?”

your chest tightens at her words, face dropping in fear that maybe there were some unwanted ears around. you swing your head to one side than to the other looking to see if maybe there had been. to your fortunate surprise there wasn’t. thanks whoever because if your brother heard her say that you don’t know what he would’ve done.

“don’t say that, ellie.” you stop her, voice loose of the confidence it once had.

“why not?” she indulges even though she knows why. you’ve heard stories from people—friends, and most importantly your own brother. he’s warned you to stay as far away from ellie as you possibly could. such a strange thing to hear about a girl you’ve known since you were 5 and she was 7, the same girl that would wipe tears from under your eyes after you feel off your bike.

ellie was not the monster that everyone made her out to be. not with you at least. ‘she plays with hearts like they are cards’ tomfoolery you thought, ellie is sweet, teasing but kind. but just because she was soft towards you doesn’t mean she wasn’t the card player they called her.

“that’s a stupid question.” you give her an annoyed eye roll, because you both knew it was a dumb thing to ask.

“he doesn’t have to know.” she tells you, scooting closer to you now. her arm round the back of the couch, one leg up on the cushion, and the other tapping against the carpet on the floor. when she shifted closer to you you felt her knee press against your thigh and her face was now much closer to yours than it was before, noses practically touching. “he won’t.”

“you…” a whisper, breathing hitting her face. her eyes drift down to your lips and you watch as she licks her own. the tension is as thick as it’s ever been. “…don’t know that.”

“i do.” ellie reassure you like she already has the answers for everything. and you have to give it to her because one thing you’ve always known about ellie that stayed true was that she was good at convincing you.

and after what feels like forever(about 47 seconds) of silence she moves her face close enough to plant a kiss to your lips. it may have not been the first time but it sure felt like it was. lips gentle as ever, tongue poking into your mouth.

“i won’t let him know.” she whispers against your lips, her palm coming up to cradle the side of your face. you eyes slide shut and you melt into her touch and lose your mind to the contact of her lips.

“okay.” is all you manage to say before completely letting ellie win just like she always does.