#xichen

Guangyao had told you this would happen, that people would whisper and laugh at you, and yet you couldn't lift your head. It was clear why, you were the assistant of a bastard (not your choice of words) and thus in other people's eyes you weren't really worth being nice to. Yet it reminded you of your childhood, way before you were able to control your spiritual powers, where people would mock and laugh at you for the scars on your body. You remembered that day clearly, like it had happened yesterday.

It was a stupid freak accident, you didn't know how it even started. Fire had erupted in the west side of the manor in the middle of the night, in the room of the head of the household. You, along with a few hundred other maids or those who were learning to be maid, had been sleeping in the East wing. Chaos had already started by the time the fire reached your quarters. You weren't woken, not by a single person sleeping near you. Instead, you were left alone and still asleep. By the time you awoke, the flames were already licking away at your skin and melting your sheets. The screams you wanted to let out just settled in your chest as you leaped out of your bed. You were able to escape in the nick of time, watching as the building collapsed onto the unluckier people. The last thing you saw that night was the flames engulfing all that was left while screams filled the night.

Even to this day, your skin had never recovered from the flames, remaining a red and white colored scar that covered the left side of your body and face. It was not something you minded, but the looks and judgement were. Even now as you covered your appearance with a glamor, the idea that it was because of your scars was still lingering in the back of your mind.

But among all of the stares, one person was not staring. Or at least not in a menacing way like the rest, rather just out of curiosity or kindness. You didn't need an introduction to the man, his kind looks and robes said enough for you to realize who he was. Lan Xichen, as far as you were aware he was the head of his clan. A gentle smile rested on his face as he greeted Guangyao, clearly one of the only people in the room with some decent brains, before he turned to greet you.

"I don't believe we have met." He speaks and you're surprised with how formal he talks to you, unlike most who treat you as a maid (still). Your heart leaped out of your chest as he made eye contact with you before bowing slightly, which you quickly returned while introducing yourself briefly. The man gave another smile before turning to Guangyao, talking about business that you didn't understand and thus didn't pay attention to it. You took that time to look around slightly, taking note of all of the faces around you while trying to remember all of their names. It could prove to be handy later, no use in offending someone else. Especially not with how you were already viewed by others, anything to displease them would certainly cost you your head.

You were pulled from your thoughts when Guangyao called your name, gently guiding you to your seats. Coincidentally, you were sat right next to Xichen and the rest of his groups. You assumed that they were his juniors, their attires slightly less impressive than that of Xichen.

The meeting started, points carefully being brought up and discussed. You nor Guangyao spoke up much, receiving a casual shrug and being spoken over when you did, and the same went for Xichen. Yet when he spoke, elegantly and refined, everyone listened to his stance on the topic. It was almost comical how quickly the room went quiet, all eyes turning to him and carefully listening to every word that exited his mouth. When he finished, flashing that gorgeous smile that you were certainly falling in love with, everyone would nod along and agree without even thinking farther about it on their own.

At the end, you were escorted to your room and once again near Lan Xichen. Well, sort of anyway. You slept in the same room as the female Lan disciplines and thus straight across of Xichen's room.

As the days of the banquet continued, you saw more of Xichen and he even approached you without Guangyao near you. You had quite enjoyable conversations, always finding yourself smiling for hours after your interactions, and you assumed he enjoyed them the same since he kept approaching you. Your conversations ranged from talking about the points of the meetings to talking about some book either of you had read. If not those subjects, it was about what you had for dinner since you never seemed to join the dinner meetings, but you weren't about to tell him that you didn't get the chance because of your exhaustion and lack of energy to keep up the glamor on your face. So instead, you buried yourself in work and wallowed in solitude.

Like now, where you sat at your work table with papers thrown around on the desk while your food rested on your lap. It was something simple, just a regular broth that you had eaten every single day at this point. One of your hands was focused on writing, slightly messy (not that it mattered), while your other hand focused on feeding yourself. Usual routine, except that Guangyao was seated opposite of you and doing the same as you were, all be it more clumsy. Why he was here, you had no clue. However, you did enjoy the company, even when there was only the scribbling on and the rustling of paper to cover the silence.

"Can you hand me the notes from... 3 days ago? You know, the one about that... Well, you know which one I mean." Guangyao's voice broke through the silence and you looked up before rustling through the papers as you searched, knowing full well which he meant. But even when knowing what it was and where it should be, you could not find it. You went through them once again but still nothing.

"I don't have it..." "Ah! Got it, sorry..." He spoke again as he pulled out the paper from his own stack, to which you only scoffed before returning to your own work once more. You didn't get far as the silence was broken once more as Guangyao spoke up again.

"I forgot to mention, but I asked Xichen to drop by. I asked if he could drop by some stuff from yesterday." He said, to which you nodded before pulling your dress to cover your legs and pulling the front tighter around you so it would cover you enough. Then you sighed softly and focused your energy to cover up your scars. Just as you did that, a knock interrupted the silence and you looked up to see Xichen. He gave you a smile before joining you, looking over the notes on the table once as he sat down near Guangyao. You decided to just focus on your work as the two talked, but you answered the questions thrown your way ever so often.

"You're staring again." Guangyao subtle jab made you jolt before you looked away from your topic of interest, which happened to be a very nice and tall man. You just scoffed in response, but you could not refute him as your gaze flickered back to said man. He was talking to some of his juniors, who were attentively listening to him with a gleam that you could only chuckle at.

"You can just talk to him, you know?" "I can, but I'm not going to. Besides, he's talking with them right now." You pointed at the group around Xichen before turning away from him and sighing again. Guangyao only laughed again at you before focusing on his snack. You did the same, eating the fruit before flinching when someone sat beside you. You recognized him as someone from the Lanling Jin clan and couldn't help but sigh softly again as you waited for what he was going to say. It was the usual conversation with the casual flirtatious remarks added in along with some comments that made you grimace, none of them clearly realized how insulting the comment 'You don't look like a maid, rather a rich girl' was. You were neither, not that either was insulting to you, but for them to assume that a maid was ugly and a "rich girl" was pretty was just weird if anything. So, like usual, you just nodded before continuing to do what you were doing before. However, this guy seemed to not take that as a clear answer and continued.

"I apologize if to was not clear, but I'm spoken for at the moment." You gave a smile that you were sure he understood was fake before turning away again in hopes that he'd finally give up.

"Really, do I know him?" The tone of his voice was mocking you and you could only scoff while your eyes darted around again. You couldn't use Guangyao, everybody knew that you had a sibling relationship. Instead your eyes landed on Xichen again, who seemed to notice your gaze immediately as if he was already looking at you. The slightly panicked expression on your face seemed enough for him to make his way over, so you quickly sprung into action.

"He seems to be walking over right now and I do assume you know him." You gave another smile, hoping that he hadn't noticed you and Xichen share a look. Seemingly, he didn't as his face just paled slightly while he greeted the clan head. You found it hilarious as you smiled at Xichen before flinching again when the man beside you excused himself in a hurry.

"Spoken for, huh?" Guangyao teased while Xichen looked slightly confused as he sat down beside you in the spot where the previous guy sat.

"I seem to have missed something..." Xichen said with a small smile and you shook your head with a laugh. "I needed an excuse for him to leave, the solution was you." You said in a teasing manner, hopping he'd take it as a stupid joke and didn't think too much about it.

"She told him that you and her were courting." Guangyao spoke up and you gave him a pointed glare before softly slapping his arm. Xichen looked at you with an amused look and you awkwardly looked at him before scoffing again.

"I said a was spoken for, not courting." You gave another pointed glare to Guangyao before he was able to speak up. "Technically those are the same." Your glare moved over to Xichen and his eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Not that I know anything about that." He backtracked and you nodded before turning to your snacks again, angrily munching while you tried to ignore the pang of embarrassment that shot through your mind. And like a rolling ball down a hill, you felt all energy suddenly drain after and you paused before groaning as you dropped your head down. Guangyao, guessing what was happening, was quick to jump up and move to your side.

"I'm going to my room, headache is starting again." The lie didn't seem obvious as Xichen didn't react to it, rather watching you walk off to your room. Neither he not Guangyao followed, just remaining in their seats with worried looks as you sauntered off.

How you ended up here was slightly confusing, but you were here. Right opposite of you was Xichen, who seemed fully content while you tried to hide your embarrassment. How you hadn't realized that your hang-out was in fact a date, was a miracle and it didn't help that Xichen had to point that out. Not that you minded it, you could just not believe that you were that oblivious. Instead of having your existential crisis before the date, like you would usually do when you realized that your crush liked you back, you now had to do so on the date itself. Hence why your head was placed on the table, your eyes closed while you tried to ignore the low chuckling from the man opposite of you.

"I should've made it more obvious." "No, no, no... I'm just stupid, sorry." You lifted your head for a second to apologize before letting it drop again, hoping for the hit against the table to knock you out. Not connecting to the table made you pause before opening your eyes to see Xichen's hand.

"Can you just not be a gentleman for a few seconds?" You asked and he let out a laugh, one you had never heard before. Normally, the man was reserved and quiet, maybe even a bit uptight. Now, however, he seemed relaxed and a bit more open. It was nice, made him a bit more attractive than he already was. I mean, who didn't like someone more when they felt more relaxed around you.

"I don't think I can agree to that. I had to promise Guangyao to treat you to the best of my capabilities." He said with another one of his charming smiles, but you could only scoff at the mention of Guangyao and laying your head on his hand again.

"Of course he did... He knows my weaknesses." You mumbled and Xichen pushed your head up to look at you. "Me being nice is attractive to you?" He asked and you chuckled at him before sitting up.

"Oh, God. You have no idea, do you?"

"No, no, no... Teach me that again!" You exclaimed as you tried to follow Xichen's fingers on the strings of his instruments. Xichen chuckled before plucking at the strings once more, showing you the rhythm and melody. You grimaced before doing the same, wincing when the notes came out wrong once again.

"I think I should stick with woodwind instruments, strings don't agree with me." You joked, looking back and chuckling at Xichen before dropping your head backwards and on his shoulder.

"Giving up isn't allowed, come on." He took ahold of your hands and guided them on the strings, bending his fingers with yours to make you play. The notes, while not all right, sounded much better then before.

"You know, that's one rule of yours I agree with." "Which one do you not agree with?" He asked and you looked up before kissing his cheek.

"No public affection." You smiled before kissing him on the lips once, feeling his smile against your lips before he pulled away. "Now that's a rule I'm willing to break soon." He said and you raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm afraid we have to be married for that-" The smirk on his face made you stop in the middle of your sentence before your eyes widened and you jumped up from your seat between his legs.

"Are you asking me to marry you?!" You exclaimed and Xichen shrugged softly, awaiting your reaction and seemingly looking disappointed when you whined at him.

"Do you not want to marry me?" "Yes, I do! But that was so... so unromantic." You whined as you stepped closer to him again, cupping his face and chuckling.

"But I will marry you."

"Why did I say yes?!" You complained to Guangyao, who just sat on your bed while trying to get you to stop pacing and stressing. You couldn't help it, hands pulling at your hair while you paced.

"I don't see a problem... He's the love of your life, no?" "Yes!" You answered and Guangyao made a motion, asking what the problem was. You stopped pacing and pointed at your burns, more specifically those on your face and neck. Once again, Guangyao asked what was wrong.

"I look disgusting! People think I'm a monster that they warn their kids about!" You almost screamed at him and Guangyao was quick to get up when he noticed how distressed you were, tears streaming down your face. He marched to you, placing his hands on your shoulders and trying to get you to calm down.

"Let's not go back there, alright? We talked about this before, you are not a monster. You will never be one and those scars do not make you one." Guangyao said and you scoffed at him as you tried to escape his grasp, unsuccessfully. Instead, Guangyao's grip tightened on your shoulders as he tried to make you to face him.

"I know you're not and you know that too." He continued and you groaned, letting yourself fall to the ground and let yourself go. Tears started streaming down your face as you pushed Guangyao off of you, pushing yourself in a corner and hiding yourself. Guangyao seemed to get the hint as you heard the door open and close.

You don't know how long it was as you kept crying, but long enough for your throat to get dry and scratchy. No tears remained as you sobbed, which made you even more annoyed. When the door opened, however, you could only groan and raise your head.

"Get out, A-Yao." You exclaimed before freezing as you saw Xichen in the doorway, looking at you with a worried face. He approached while you stared at him in fear, not even thinking of covering your face as you tried to process the fact that Xichen was standing before you.

He kneeled down, caressing your face as he wiped away tears stains before pulling you closer to him. Your face got pressed against his shoulders and you let yourself go again, wrapping yourself around him and sniffling to yourself. His hands rubbed circles on your back to try and comfort you, which you had to admit was working slightly. After a few more minutes of this and then you leaned back, staring at Xichen with tears still in your eyes.

"Guangyao said you were having a panic attack, I came as quick as I could." Xichen explained and you could only groan as he said it, slightly annoyed at the fact that this was not even something you were surprised about. His hand soon found your face, thumb grazing over the scar on your face before softly placing a kiss on your cheek.

"I do not care for your scars, you are beautiful like you are. If you feel better hiding them in public, I will not judge you or try to change you. I do, however, want you to know that you do not need to around me. If you'll still have me, I will marry you however many times you want." He gave you a soft smile, one that made your heart melt and your façade crumble.

"Do you really don't care? I mean, I look like a monster and-" "I'm stopping you right there. You do not look like a monster, rather a strong person that survived a terrible thing. Guangyao had told me your story and I know what you've been through. It might not have been his story to tell, but it happened to slip out during a conversation of ours." He continues and you frown, not really understanding what he was trying to say.

"So I think I have to ask you again." He kneeled before you and took ahold of your hands, kissing your knuckles softly before continuing.