#xichen x reader

It was late at night, the moon high in the sky and the forest quiet around the house.

Xichen sighed as he turned over yet another page of the documents, his attention fully on his endless work as head of his clan. He had read through countless of reports, fact checking through countless of books as he wrote down notes on a scroll. He was utterly exhausted at this point, even though it was not visible in his appearance, and he just wanted to disappear to get some actual rest from it all.

An hour earlier he had managed to get you tucked into bed, glad that you had gone to bed without the usual fight. As he glanced outside, he was met with the dark forest, the moon bright enough to light the path. The sound of the running river filled the air, making Xichen sigh as he dared to relax just a bit. He felt how tense his muscles were from the stressful day, all energy sucked out of him.

Just as he dared to relax a bit more, he was snapped from his peace by the abrupt blood curling scream that echoed from room. It cut through the peaceful silence like a sharp knife through paper, which made him freeze instantly. His pen dropped on the table, ink bleeding into the paper like blood seeping through clothing. He darted up, trying to ignore the dread he felt as he stumbled towards your bedroom at a speed that surprised even him.

He slammed the door open, panting slightly as he searched the room before his eyes landed on you in your bed. You were pressed into the corner, huddled under a blanket and shivering as if you had taken a plunge into an ice bath. You looked incredibly vulnerable, not fully awake clearly as you flinched and whimpered. He could feel his heart shatter instantly at the sight, knowing fully well what was happening.

With quick and powerful strides, he was by your side in a matter of seconds. He practically dropped to his knees beside you, arms swiftly pulling into his warm embrace. His voice was gentle as he shushed you while gently rocking you in his arms, wiping away your tears with his thumb. He didn't care for the fact that your tears soaked through his robes, his arms remaining tightly around you as he softly rocked you to calm you down.

He knew all too well what had happened, this had happened so many times before that he never needed to ask anymore. The loss of your mother was a tragic accident and even though he had separated from her after they realized feelings faded and they wanted other things, it had still been difficult. So when she tragically passed away, it took a heavy toll on both of you.

The biggest difference was that he had grown to deal with, having healed in his own way without too much struggle. He understood death all too well, it was something that haunted him everywhere he went, so the ache had dulled.

He knew well enough what it was about, this had happened so many times at this point that he didn't even need to ask anymore. The loss of your mother was tragic and even though he had separated from her after realizing their love had faded, it took a heavy toll on both you and him.

The difference was that he had learned to heal from it.

For you it had been more difficult to even come to terms with it. When she passed, you had been fairly young and kept asking him when she's come back home. It had taken weeks of gentle explanations before you realized she wouldn't return home and it took another month before you stopped locking yourself up in your room to cry.

But even after years, nightmares about her death still plagued your mind, happening every few weeks. Xichen didn't know how to help you except for holding you as you wept.

He couldn't help but blame himself, believing he should've been around much more and that somehow he wasn't enough for you.

As the sobbing stilled, he just held you as you fell back asleep. He didn't dare to move, stuck in an uncomfortable position but refusing to move. He didn't want to risk waking you, didn't want you to cry again and definitely didn't want to see you break down even more.

By morning, his whole body was stiff from sleeping in such a weird position and you had curled up on his lap like a small cat. He didn't care for the aching of his muscles and the stiffness in his bones as he shifted, just seeing your peaceful expression was enough to make him forget about it all. He adjusted his grip on you, hand moving to your upper arm to softly rub the skin and try to calm you. Even if he had to remain in the same position for hours, he didn't care as long as you were safe and sound.

He felt it to be his duty as your father, to protect you from everything even when it felt impossible to help. Even if it felt like he was drowning himself, he'd always make sure you stayed above water.

When you woke up, still groggy and not remembering anything from the previous night, he just continued to hold you even when you tried to wiggle out of his grip. Instead, he just wrapped his arms tighter around you as he lifted you to sit between his legs, which made you giggle a you tried to wiggle away even more.

Guangyao had told you this would happen, that people would whisper and laugh at you, and yet you couldn't lift your head. It was clear why, you were the assistant of a bastard (not your choice of words) and thus in other people's eyes you weren't really worth being nice to. Yet it reminded you of your childhood, way before you were able to control your spiritual powers, where people would mock and laugh at you for the scars on your body. You remembered that day clearly, like it had happened yesterday.

It was a stupid freak accident, you didn't know how it even started. Fire had erupted in the west side of the manor in the middle of the night, in the room of the head of the household. You, along with a few hundred other maids or those who were learning to be maid, had been sleeping in the East wing. Chaos had already started by the time the fire reached your quarters. You weren't woken, not by a single person sleeping near you. Instead, you were left alone and still asleep. By the time you awoke, the flames were already licking away at your skin and melting your sheets. The screams you wanted to let out just settled in your chest as you leaped out of your bed. You were able to escape in the nick of time, watching as the building collapsed onto the unluckier people. The last thing you saw that night was the flames engulfing all that was left while screams filled the night.

Even to this day, your skin had never recovered from the flames, remaining a red and white colored scar that covered the left side of your body and face. It was not something you minded, but the looks and judgement were. Even now as you covered your appearance with a glamor, the idea that it was because of your scars was still lingering in the back of your mind.

But among all of the stares, one person was not staring. Or at least not in a menacing way like the rest, rather just out of curiosity or kindness. You didn't need an introduction to the man, his kind looks and robes said enough for you to realize who he was. Lan Xichen, as far as you were aware he was the head of his clan. A gentle smile rested on his face as he greeted Guangyao, clearly one of the only people in the room with some decent brains, before he turned to greet you.

"I don't believe we have met." He speaks and you're surprised with how formal he talks to you, unlike most who treat you as a maid (still). Your heart leaped out of your chest as he made eye contact with you before bowing slightly, which you quickly returned while introducing yourself briefly. The man gave another smile before turning to Guangyao, talking about business that you didn't understand and thus didn't pay attention to it. You took that time to look around slightly, taking note of all of the faces around you while trying to remember all of their names. It could prove to be handy later, no use in offending someone else. Especially not with how you were already viewed by others, anything to displease them would certainly cost you your head.

You were pulled from your thoughts when Guangyao called your name, gently guiding you to your seats. Coincidentally, you were sat right next to Xichen and the rest of his groups. You assumed that they were his juniors, their attires slightly less impressive than that of Xichen.

The meeting started, points carefully being brought up and discussed. You nor Guangyao spoke up much, receiving a casual shrug and being spoken over when you did, and the same went for Xichen. Yet when he spoke, elegantly and refined, everyone listened to his stance on the topic. It was almost comical how quickly the room went quiet, all eyes turning to him and carefully listening to every word that exited his mouth. When he finished, flashing that gorgeous smile that you were certainly falling in love with, everyone would nod along and agree without even thinking farther about it on their own.

At the end, you were escorted to your room and once again near Lan Xichen. Well, sort of anyway. You slept in the same room as the female Lan disciplines and thus straight across of Xichen's room.

As the days of the banquet continued, you saw more of Xichen and he even approached you without Guangyao near you. You had quite enjoyable conversations, always finding yourself smiling for hours after your interactions, and you assumed he enjoyed them the same since he kept approaching you. Your conversations ranged from talking about the points of the meetings to talking about some book either of you had read. If not those subjects, it was about what you had for dinner since you never seemed to join the dinner meetings, but you weren't about to tell him that you didn't get the chance because of your exhaustion and lack of energy to keep up the glamor on your face. So instead, you buried yourself in work and wallowed in solitude.

Like now, where you sat at your work table with papers thrown around on the desk while your food rested on your lap. It was something simple, just a regular broth that you had eaten every single day at this point. One of your hands was focused on writing, slightly messy (not that it mattered), while your other hand focused on feeding yourself. Usual routine, except that Guangyao was seated opposite of you and doing the same as you were, all be it more clumsy. Why he was here, you had no clue. However, you did enjoy the company, even when there was only the scribbling on and the rustling of paper to cover the silence.

"Can you hand me the notes from... 3 days ago? You know, the one about that... Well, you know which one I mean." Guangyao's voice broke through the silence and you looked up before rustling through the papers as you searched, knowing full well which he meant. But even when knowing what it was and where it should be, you could not find it. You went through them once again but still nothing.

"I don't have it..." "Ah! Got it, sorry..." He spoke again as he pulled out the paper from his own stack, to which you only scoffed before returning to your own work once more. You didn't get far as the silence was broken once more as Guangyao spoke up again.

"I forgot to mention, but I asked Xichen to drop by. I asked if he could drop by some stuff from yesterday." He said, to which you nodded before pulling your dress to cover your legs and pulling the front tighter around you so it would cover you enough. Then you sighed softly and focused your energy to cover up your scars. Just as you did that, a knock interrupted the silence and you looked up to see Xichen. He gave you a smile before joining you, looking over the notes on the table once as he sat down near Guangyao. You decided to just focus on your work as the two talked, but you answered the questions thrown your way ever so often.

"You're staring again." Guangyao subtle jab made you jolt before you looked away from your topic of interest, which happened to be a very nice and tall man. You just scoffed in response, but you could not refute him as your gaze flickered back to said man. He was talking to some of his juniors, who were attentively listening to him with a gleam that you could only chuckle at.

"You can just talk to him, you know?" "I can, but I'm not going to. Besides, he's talking with them right now." You pointed at the group around Xichen before turning away from him and sighing again. Guangyao only laughed again at you before focusing on his snack. You did the same, eating the fruit before flinching when someone sat beside you. You recognized him as someone from the Lanling Jin clan and couldn't help but sigh softly again as you waited for what he was going to say. It was the usual conversation with the casual flirtatious remarks added in along with some comments that made you grimace, none of them clearly realized how insulting the comment 'You don't look like a maid, rather a rich girl' was. You were neither, not that either was insulting to you, but for them to assume that a maid was ugly and a "rich girl" was pretty was just weird if anything. So, like usual, you just nodded before continuing to do what you were doing before. However, this guy seemed to not take that as a clear answer and continued.

"I apologize if to was not clear, but I'm spoken for at the moment." You gave a smile that you were sure he understood was fake before turning away again in hopes that he'd finally give up.

"Really, do I know him?" The tone of his voice was mocking you and you could only scoff while your eyes darted around again. You couldn't use Guangyao, everybody knew that you had a sibling relationship. Instead your eyes landed on Xichen again, who seemed to notice your gaze immediately as if he was already looking at you. The slightly panicked expression on your face seemed enough for him to make his way over, so you quickly sprung into action.

"He seems to be walking over right now and I do assume you know him." You gave another smile, hoping that he hadn't noticed you and Xichen share a look. Seemingly, he didn't as his face just paled slightly while he greeted the clan head. You found it hilarious as you smiled at Xichen before flinching again when the man beside you excused himself in a hurry.

"Spoken for, huh?" Guangyao teased while Xichen looked slightly confused as he sat down beside you in the spot where the previous guy sat.

"I seem to have missed something..." Xichen said with a small smile and you shook your head with a laugh. "I needed an excuse for him to leave, the solution was you." You said in a teasing manner, hopping he'd take it as a stupid joke and didn't think too much about it.

"She told him that you and her were courting." Guangyao spoke up and you gave him a pointed glare before softly slapping his arm. Xichen looked at you with an amused look and you awkwardly looked at him before scoffing again.

"I said a was spoken for, not courting." You gave another pointed glare to Guangyao before he was able to speak up. "Technically those are the same." Your glare moved over to Xichen and his eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Not that I know anything about that." He backtracked and you nodded before turning to your snacks again, angrily munching while you tried to ignore the pang of embarrassment that shot through your mind. And like a rolling ball down a hill, you felt all energy suddenly drain after and you paused before groaning as you dropped your head down. Guangyao, guessing what was happening, was quick to jump up and move to your side.

"I'm going to my room, headache is starting again." The lie didn't seem obvious as Xichen didn't react to it, rather watching you walk off to your room. Neither he not Guangyao followed, just remaining in their seats with worried looks as you sauntered off.

How you ended up here was slightly confusing, but you were here. Right opposite of you was Xichen, who seemed fully content while you tried to hide your embarrassment. How you hadn't realized that your hang-out was in fact a date, was a miracle and it didn't help that Xichen had to point that out. Not that you minded it, you could just not believe that you were that oblivious. Instead of having your existential crisis before the date, like you would usually do when you realized that your crush liked you back, you now had to do so on the date itself. Hence why your head was placed on the table, your eyes closed while you tried to ignore the low chuckling from the man opposite of you.

"I should've made it more obvious." "No, no, no... I'm just stupid, sorry." You lifted your head for a second to apologize before letting it drop again, hoping for the hit against the table to knock you out. Not connecting to the table made you pause before opening your eyes to see Xichen's hand.

"Can you just not be a gentleman for a few seconds?" You asked and he let out a laugh, one you had never heard before. Normally, the man was reserved and quiet, maybe even a bit uptight. Now, however, he seemed relaxed and a bit more open. It was nice, made him a bit more attractive than he already was. I mean, who didn't like someone more when they felt more relaxed around you.

"I don't think I can agree to that. I had to promise Guangyao to treat you to the best of my capabilities." He said with another one of his charming smiles, but you could only scoff at the mention of Guangyao and laying your head on his hand again.

"Of course he did... He knows my weaknesses." You mumbled and Xichen pushed your head up to look at you. "Me being nice is attractive to you?" He asked and you chuckled at him before sitting up.

"Oh, God. You have no idea, do you?"

"No, no, no... Teach me that again!" You exclaimed as you tried to follow Xichen's fingers on the strings of his instruments. Xichen chuckled before plucking at the strings once more, showing you the rhythm and melody. You grimaced before doing the same, wincing when the notes came out wrong once again.

"I think I should stick with woodwind instruments, strings don't agree with me." You joked, looking back and chuckling at Xichen before dropping your head backwards and on his shoulder.

"Giving up isn't allowed, come on." He took ahold of your hands and guided them on the strings, bending his fingers with yours to make you play. The notes, while not all right, sounded much better then before.

"You know, that's one rule of yours I agree with." "Which one do you not agree with?" He asked and you looked up before kissing his cheek.

"No public affection." You smiled before kissing him on the lips once, feeling his smile against your lips before he pulled away. "Now that's a rule I'm willing to break soon." He said and you raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm afraid we have to be married for that-" The smirk on his face made you stop in the middle of your sentence before your eyes widened and you jumped up from your seat between his legs.

"Are you asking me to marry you?!" You exclaimed and Xichen shrugged softly, awaiting your reaction and seemingly looking disappointed when you whined at him.

"Do you not want to marry me?" "Yes, I do! But that was so... so unromantic." You whined as you stepped closer to him again, cupping his face and chuckling.

"But I will marry you."

"Why did I say yes?!" You complained to Guangyao, who just sat on your bed while trying to get you to stop pacing and stressing. You couldn't help it, hands pulling at your hair while you paced.

"I don't see a problem... He's the love of your life, no?" "Yes!" You answered and Guangyao made a motion, asking what the problem was. You stopped pacing and pointed at your burns, more specifically those on your face and neck. Once again, Guangyao asked what was wrong.

"I look disgusting! People think I'm a monster that they warn their kids about!" You almost screamed at him and Guangyao was quick to get up when he noticed how distressed you were, tears streaming down your face. He marched to you, placing his hands on your shoulders and trying to get you to calm down.

"Let's not go back there, alright? We talked about this before, you are not a monster. You will never be one and those scars do not make you one." Guangyao said and you scoffed at him as you tried to escape his grasp, unsuccessfully. Instead, Guangyao's grip tightened on your shoulders as he tried to make you to face him.

"I know you're not and you know that too." He continued and you groaned, letting yourself fall to the ground and let yourself go. Tears started streaming down your face as you pushed Guangyao off of you, pushing yourself in a corner and hiding yourself. Guangyao seemed to get the hint as you heard the door open and close.

You don't know how long it was as you kept crying, but long enough for your throat to get dry and scratchy. No tears remained as you sobbed, which made you even more annoyed. When the door opened, however, you could only groan and raise your head.

"Get out, A-Yao." You exclaimed before freezing as you saw Xichen in the doorway, looking at you with a worried face. He approached while you stared at him in fear, not even thinking of covering your face as you tried to process the fact that Xichen was standing before you.

He kneeled down, caressing your face as he wiped away tears stains before pulling you closer to him. Your face got pressed against his shoulders and you let yourself go again, wrapping yourself around him and sniffling to yourself. His hands rubbed circles on your back to try and comfort you, which you had to admit was working slightly. After a few more minutes of this and then you leaned back, staring at Xichen with tears still in your eyes.

"Guangyao said you were having a panic attack, I came as quick as I could." Xichen explained and you could only groan as he said it, slightly annoyed at the fact that this was not even something you were surprised about. His hand soon found your face, thumb grazing over the scar on your face before softly placing a kiss on your cheek.

"I do not care for your scars, you are beautiful like you are. If you feel better hiding them in public, I will not judge you or try to change you. I do, however, want you to know that you do not need to around me. If you'll still have me, I will marry you however many times you want." He gave you a soft smile, one that made your heart melt and your façade crumble.

"Do you really don't care? I mean, I look like a monster and-" "I'm stopping you right there. You do not look like a monster, rather a strong person that survived a terrible thing. Guangyao had told me your story and I know what you've been through. It might not have been his story to tell, but it happened to slip out during a conversation of ours." He continues and you frown, not really understanding what he was trying to say.

"So I think I have to ask you again." He kneeled before you and took ahold of your hands, kissing your knuckles softly before continuing.

You couldn't believe your father's words, not when he stated it like it was the most normal thing to say. Like it was normal for a father to tell his daughter that he'd disown her if she did not marry. Not only disown, but also exiled from the clan. You couldn't believe that your mother didn't refute, if anything she looked like she agreed with everything he said.

Now you didn't hate your fiancé, hating Lan Xichen was almost impossible for anyone. He was the sweetest, caring for anyone no matter who they were and he often protected those who had less than him. He was humble, did not care for possessions and rather give away his stuff than see an innocent person suffer to fate they did not deserve.

Still, you did not want to marry the man.

And so you left your home for awhile. Now you found yourself living in an inn with the Geji's (Chinese equivalent to Geisha's), working as a server like any other waitress. Your face was covered, a white mask that covered your full face with golden and red marks painted on. Your hanfu was pink and reds, a white undercoat. You looked like any other waitress, which was basically the point as it was required for safety. Although it was difficult at first, you quickly learned how to work there with help from others. You were happy here, you felt somewhat free even when you never had much free time. The woman around you, although most were older, treated you like a sister and you felt like you belonged. You got a family, one you wished you had before. You shouldn't have to find that family, you should've grown up with one and you just felt cheated in the fact that your family did not view it the same.

Then, one day, everything came crashing down at once. Why? Because Lan Xichen decided to come to the inn along with at least fifteen junior disciplines. Normally, you wouldn't care much and yet you couldn't help but be shocked at the sight before you. Bloody robes, large wounds and a few seemed at the brink of fainting. Lan Xichen seemed the most unharmed, only three or four cuts visible on his whole body. You rushed to them, helping one of the boys to sit down before turning to the elder.

"Please sit down, I will get you some help." You said and he nodded, thanking you softly before he turned to help his juniors while you rushed off to find your friend, Qi Xiang. She was a skilled healer, so she could surely help them. Once you told her what had happened, she was quick to grab her own mask before running to the front of the tea house. You followed her, placing yourself to the less hurt people and checking them while Xiang checked to more injured ones. You started with, what seemed to be, the youngest among the juniors. He had a very youthful face and a cute smile that melted your heart in second. He was helpful, pulling up his sleeve to reveal a deep cut and you hissed softly before grabbing some bandages and a needle and thread.

"I apologize for this." Then you put the needle to his skin and pushed it through, stitching the wound close as fast as you could. Then you wrapped it up in bandages, tight enough so that it wouldn't loosen too much after. Then you moved to the next junior. You ended with Xichen after an hour, but he wasn't harmed bad enough to need immediate help.

"Do you have any wounds?" You asked and Xichen shook his head before looking at the juniors surrounding him, thanking you softly. This was another time that you got to see him being caring to others, his gaze never moved from the most injured ones with a worried look. You looked at them as well before sighing, telling him that they were fine. This, however, didn't seem to make Xichen feel any better.

"May I ask your name?" "Lu Zhi." You were quick to answer him with a fake name, nodding your head at him in greeting before getting up.

"I will prepare rooms for you and your junior disciplines." You spoke, getting up and bowing at him before walking off without another word.

Xichen was up early, quick to check every room quietly to see the juniors. He walked through the hall, opening and closing each door silently until he reached the last. One of the youngest, a boy of barely 13 years old and gravely injured. When the door opened, he was surprised with seeing you besides the bed. Your back was turned to the door, your mask laid on the bedside table and you were clearly changing the younger's bandages. You were alerted of his presence when he stepped inside, one of your hands quickly grabbing your mask and securing it on your face.

"I apologize for disturbing you." Xichen's voice was soft and low, barely loud enough to hear as he entered the room. He stood at the foot of the bed, staring at his junior while you continued to treat him.

"Will he wake up soon?" "Give or take two days. He is mostly exhausted at this point, the injuries are already healed after all." You answered, putting on the last bandage on before laying a towel on his forehead. Then you got up and started to pack up your stuff, turning to Xichen after.

"Don't bother him too much, he really needs the rest." You said and Xichen nodded, following you out of the room. He walked downstairs, sitting down at one of the tables. You fetched some tea for him, setting it down on the table before sitting down as well and pouting the tea into two cups. One was pushed towards Xichen, who gladly took it.

"You really seem to care for those kids." "They're my responsibility, of course I care. Had I known of the bandits on that path, I would not have gone there." Xichen spoke, lifting the cup before him softly before raising it to his lips. He drank it quickly, putting it back on the table afterwards and pouring himself another one. You drank your own cup empty before looking back to the man before you, who looked immensely worried as he stared into his cup.

"You really don't have to worry, those kids are strong. They'll live." You gave him a reassuring smile, forgetting that you wore a mask and he couldn't see. He, however, still seemed to sense it as he nodded, sighing softly before downing the tea once more. You took the opportunity to leave, getting up from the table and bowing your head once more before leaving.

Once again, you could only learn to appreciate the man even more and maybe even like him just a bit.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Lan Jingyi asked loudly, making all heads turn to him and pausing their eating.

"I heard that lady (L/n) is a rare beauty." Another junior answered and you almost fell while putting the tea down on the table. It landed a bit harsher than intended, which made all eyes turn to you this time. Jingyi was quick to ask you the same and you waited with your answer. You could hardly say that she was beautiful, saying such things about yourself was a bit vain. Instead, you decided to answer based on the rumors you had hear about yourself.

"I heard she rather stays in the library than spend her time dressing up for others." You answered and Jingyi huffed, raising his food up to his mouth and eating it a bit too loud. Sizhui just thanked you for the food and thoughts, giving you another bright smile.

"We'll see later, Zewu-Jun said we'd go continue there tomorrow." Although Sizhui spoke quietly, you heard everything he said clearly and it made you freeze up. You didn't know that he was on his way to see you, your parents had neglected to tell you this. Which meant that you either needed to return and play into your parents' wishes or to not return an embarrass Xichen in front of his and your people. Neither one of those options sounded nice, you didn't want either to happen. Yet now, you didn't seem to have much of a choice. So you decided to do something in between. You returned to your room and started writing, scribbling every thought and feeling that you felt leading up to this moment. Then you slipped the three paper letter under the door of his room, your mask along with it before you ventured off.

One thing you didn't take in account, was that Xichen was a night owl when it came to his work. Thus he saw and read the letter immediatley after you left it, which made it able for him to run after you. Which he did, of course. He practically leaped off the stairs and out of the building, looking around for the person that wrote that letter to him. The red hanfu you wore stood out like a sore thumb and the fact that you were the only one on the street. So he followed you, quickly reaching your side and stopping you. You flinched, mainly because you had no clue who just grabbed you. When seeing him, however, you relaxed slightly before freezing.

"I apologize." Xichen quickly released you from his grip, but he remained quiet after as he just stared at you. Then he spoke again, asking you if you were in fact his fiancée. You nodded, which in turn made the man smile slightly as he took the bag you held from your hand.

"Seems like I don't have to go any further to meet you then." He said and you sighed, realizing that you couldn't really run away anymore.

"About what you said in the letter... I'm afraid we don't have much choice in marriage, but we can wait until you feel comfortable." He then said and you frowned at this statement, asking him if he was really okay with that. He just nodded at you, giving you another reassuring smile.

When you two married, most people were a bit confused. You and Xichen were opposites of each other when it came to your personalities. He was quiet and well mannered while you were often loud and bubbly, always talking about various things to others. That's also what you did when you spent time with Xichen. You were often rambling on and on while Xichen listened to you, always a small smile on his face.

Today was one of those days as well. Xichen was working as you rambled on about the rabbits you had found today, thanks to Wangji. Xichen couldn't help but smile as you rambled on and on, having stopped writing so he could listen to you. You however didn't notice the smile as you rambled. It wasn't until Xichen chuckled that you stopped talking, looking at him with a blank expression.

"What?" You asked and he shook his head softly, turning his gaze back to his papers. You pouted to yourself before sitting down next to him. You glanced at the papers for a few seconds before sighing.

"I'll let you work." You said, kissing his cheek before standing up again. He hummed in response, but didn't look up from his work. You exited the room and walked to the forest. You passed a few disciplines, freezing on the spot.

"Don't you think he deserves better than (y/n)? She's so annoying, always talking." "She never shuts up, I bet he wants to strangle her in her sleep. But he's too good of a man to do so." Two of the disciplines argued and you turned to them.

"It's forbidden to gossip." You sneered before you continued your way into the forest. You stopped by the river, sitting down and pulling your legs up to chest. You laid your head down on your knees, staring out at the moving waters in front of you.

Soon enough, you were sobbing silently into your arms. You had started overthinking after the words of the disciplines. You couldn't help it, the dark creature that gnawed away at the back of your mind. Time had slipped away, hours passing and the sun ready to disappear from view. You barely noticed however, your head was hurting from crying for hours and your tears had ran out hours ago. Not that you cared, you were completely numb at this point.

Your legs dropped as you leaned back into the grass, finally noticing the rabbits that had surrounded you. You grabbed one of them, cradling it to your chest with a sad smile.

"You won't get annoyed at my talking, huh?" You asked as you sat up again, hugging it close to you. Twigs snapped behind you and you turned your head. Xichen stood there, staring at you.

"Xichen?" Your voice gave away, cracking softly as you said his name. He moved closer to you, crouching next to you as his hand grabbed yours. He removed the rabbit from your grip and you whined softly, trying to grab the bunny again.

"No, talking first." He said as he let the rabbit down and it hopped off, happily reuniting with its friends. You pouted at the rabbits before turning to Xichen. He was looking at you sadly and you couldn't help but look away.

"What's wrong, darling?" He asked as he grabbed your hands in his, softly rubbing circles on the back of your hand.

"Am I ever... annoying?" You asked quietly, looking down at your hands.

"Like, how I talk so much? Or how I can ramble on for hours about something that really isn't important? Or-" "I'll stop you there, love. You have never and will never be annoying to me. When you talk about the things you love, I will listen. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I love seeing the joy in you as you speak and frankly, I find you adorable when you do. Even if these things are seemingly stupid to others, to me it is important. When I married you, it was because I wanted to. You will never be annoying, no matter what anyone else thinks. They don't have the love for you like I do. They couldn't understand." He spoke in a strong voice, his grip on your hand tightened slightly. You took a second to process everything he had just said before you started to cry again, this time out of happiness. Xichen just pulled you closer, embracing you softly as you cried on his shoulder. It was only when the sun had gone under that you 2 were returning to your room.

You had stopped crying already, but Xichen didn't let you go nonetheless. He stayed right next to you, not letting go of you for even a second. You were laying down, cuddled into his chest with your arms tightly around him. He hadn't stopped telling you how much he loved you and for once, you were completely silent as he rambled on.

"Xichen." You cut him off halfway through his sentence and he looked at you.

"I get it. Thank you." You said and he gave you a soft smile before hugging you just a bit closer.

"I won't listen to other people anymore... They're stupid." "No ill gossip, dear." He spoke and you sat up a bit, looking at him.

"Secretly, you think the same as me. Just say it, young disciplines are stupid." You said and he rolled his eyes at your statement.

"I won't say it, but I'll think it." He said, kissing your nose softly before pulling you back down. You glanced at him with a pout before laying down again.

"Fine... One day you'll say it." You teased, kissing his neck softly before burying your head in the crook of his neck.

Jiang Cheng:

You stared at him, eyes wide and one hand reaching out to him. Jiang Cheng's eyes lingered on your face before landing on the man behind you. Then the sword suddenly pierced through your abdomen, making your body lunge forward slightly. He watched it being pulled out, his body unable to move as he watched you get stabbed over and over again before your body collapsed to the ground.

Then Jiang Cheng woke up, a scream erupting from his chest. Sweat dripped down his forehead and his hands were clutching the sheets tightly. His head turned and his eyes landed on you, your eyes open slightly as you looked at him in worry. You pushed yourself up and cupped his face.

"Nightmare?" He didn't answer and instead hugged you closer to his body. You just patted his back softly, trying to calm him down.

He did go to sleep again later on, but not without his arms tightly around your waist so that you couldn't disappear like you had in his dream.

Lan Xichen:

After you had been kidnapped not so long ago, Xichen kept having dreams. Today however, was the worst in his opinion. He watched you strapped to a chair, your body completely destroyed. Muscles and bones were clearly visible to him, making his stomach twist uncomfortably as he watched you plead for your life as a man tried to get information out of you. Then you screamed loudly as a knife pierced through your body and Xichen shot awake.

His eyes darted around the room, landing on you. You sat on the ground, playing guqin although you had now stopped as you looked at him.

"You alright, darling?" You asked and he nodded, throwing the blanket off of him and standing up. He made his way up to you and sat behind you. His arms wrapped around your waist and his head landed on your shoulder, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Your hand lifted and you softly placed it on his head, patting his hair softly. A few minutes past as you continued to pat his hair before he suddenly looked up again.

"The same as before?" "Yes, but this one was way worse." He softly spoke and you nodded, turning around in his arms and basically putting yourself on his lap before you hugged him back.

Lan Xichen was devastated. Years ago, he lost you in the battle against Wei Wuxian.

You were on Wei Wuxian's side and although Lan Xichen was against Wuxian at that time, he didn't really care that you stood by Wuxian. But then some clans declared war against Wei Wuxian and you fought along Wuxian once more before you were lost in battle. He searched for hours until Meng Yao had to pull him from the battlefield, but your body wasn't found. Even when scouts were send to identify and get the death buried, your body still wasn't found. Hours turned into days, which soon turned into moths. All hope he had disappeared with the days and soon a few years had gone by. Both him and Meng Yao had taken it pretty bad, but both found comfort in each other because the relation you three had.

But now Xichen's hope was completely gone as he watched Meng Yao disappear into the collapsing building in front of him, being held back by his younger brother as he let tears roll down his face. Now Meng Yao was gone and he was left alone completely.

He was gone for weeks after it, not being able to actually do anything instead of staring in front of him. He barely ate and only talked to Lan Zhan, but even then. It took him months before he was more like before, but a mention of yours or Meng Yao's name and he could spiral back. That's why Lan Qiren decided to send Lan Xichen on a mission with the junior quartet to get his mind off of things.

Their destination was a very small town that had talked about a haunting. So they left and the quartet went to investigate while Xichen went to rent a room.

That's where the 4 juniors found you, laying on the ground with a sword clutched in your hand. You were obviously sleeping, but your eyes snapped open when the juniors came too close. You looked up, raising an eyebrow at the four.

"What?" "Ah, sorry. We were searching for the haunting." Sizhui answered and you nodded, getting up before opening the door.

"You know how to get rid of it, cause I don't." You said as you revealed the ghost, which was trapped inside of a magic circle and millions of talismans.

"You did this crap?" Jin Ling asked and you gave him a glare. It was then that the quartet noticed that you wore no clan symbols at all.

"Are you a rouge cultivator?" Zizhen asked, making the other three look at him shock and Jingyi elbows him softly in the ribs. Zizhen shrugged, mumbling something as they waited for your answer.

"I am, yes." You answered as you watched Sizhui inspect the talismans carefully.

"So, where do you stay?" Jingyi asked and you pointed behind you to the woods.

"Your wounds will get infected." Sizhui spoke up and you shrugged.

"Not like I'm used to it." You spoke, which Sizhui nodded to.

"You could come back with us and I can treat the wounds." He suggested and you turned your head.

"You don't even know me. You Lans always surprise me..." You mumbled the last part to yourself. That being said, you did join them back to the hotel. That's when you met Xichen and evident of the look on his face, he remembered you well enough. Memories of shared experience suddenly flooded your memories, followed by memories of your relationship with him and Meng Yao. And then you passed out (overdramatic, I know).

When you reawakened, all of them were still around. The juniors were on the other side of the room, talking loudly about something. Lan Xichen sat next to you, reading a book. You didn't think as you lunged at him, hugging him tightly. Xichen took a second before he realized that you were hugging him, but he eventually hugged you back awkwardly. You pulled apart a minute later and just stared at each other for a second. That's when Xichen finally took in that you were actually alive and not dead like he had assumed for the last 14 years. His hands slowly reached to cup your face.

"You're alive..." He mumbled and you smiled, putting your hand on top of his as you leaned against into his hand. The room was suddenly very quiet and you opened your eyes again to see 4 pairs of eyes on you. You laughed, covering your face as Xichen turned to see the four staring as well.

"Who is she?" You could hear Sizhui ask and Xichen smiled, standing up.

"This is (y/n), I've told you about her before." He explained and Sizhui seemed to light up at the statement.

"You told them about me..?" You asked and Xichen turned around to look at you again, a small smile on his face. You threw the blanket off of you and got up, walking to the other ones. You then focused on the juniors.

"So, who are you guys?" You asked and Sizhui was the first to happily introduce himself. Next was Jingyi, Jin Ling and finally Zizhen. You then focused on Jin Ling.

"Jin Ling..? Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli's son?" You asked and Jin Ling looked shocked before nodding. "You knew them?" He asked back and you nodded.

"Briefly, yes. I was closer to your mother. Lovely woman." You said with a smile before turning to the 2 younger Lans.

"Who's kids are you?" You asked and both looked down.

"We were adopted by the Lans." Sizhui explained and you nodded. That's when you heard a knock on the door. Everyone turned to the door, staring at it before Xichen made his way to the door. He opened it and was the owner of the hotel, handing Xichen a plate of food. Xichen thanked him before closing the door and putting the food down. You and Jingyi were the first to go to the table, claiming a bowl each. You looked at Jingyi and smiled.

"I like you already." You said before sitting down and eating.

Months later and you stayed with Xichen at Cloud Recesses. You had recently also learned that Wuxian was in fact alive (something with reincarnation that you didn't really understood) and that unfortunately Meng Yao had died, and you mourned for 2 weeks after that news. On top of that, you had basically adopted most of the juniors like they were your own children (something that Xichen loved about you). Most of the time, you were teaching younger ones how to fight or survive in the wild, which you thought could be helpful. So when you came back in your room, you were always tired already and just laid on Xichen's lap as he continued working.

"Hello." You said as you toyed with the ends of his hair. He looked down, grabbing your hand and locked your fingers.

"I just have to finish this and then I'm done." He said, kissing your knuckles before focusing back on his work. You turned a bit, laying sideways and closed your eyes.

30 minutes past before you suddenly felt your body being lifted. You then felt Xichen lay you down on the bed. You sat up again and pulled him onto the bed next to you.

"Cuddle." You said as you wrapped your arms around his waist and laid down again. Xichen chuckled before laying next to you, hugging you closer to his body like he was afraid to lose you again. Not like you weren't doing the same, your hands clenching the back of his robes as you pressed your face into his chest.

When you first heard of your arranged marriage to the elder one of the jade twins, you were quite unamused with your parents' decisions. Lan Xichen was nice and if the rumors were true he was incredibly handsome as well, but you were only 27. You didn't want to be stuck in the same place for the rest of your life, expected to have a child in the first year of your marriage (something elders always wanted). So you were dragged to meet your future family, but you sneaked off the moment that the attention was not on you and hid yourself in the woods that surrounded the place. You wandered around, not caring about your surroundings until you heard something moving around behind you. You grabbed the hilt of your sword, sliding it slightly out of the sheath before turning around and pulling it out. No one... Until you looked down to see a small bunny staring up at you with his beady little eyes, nose twitching. Your eyes soften as you quickly put the sword away and fell to your knees to greet the smaller creature. It came closer and you lifted it up, smiling brightly as you scratched in between the bunny's ears.

"Hello~" You greeted it, continuing to scratch. You couldn't care less that you were dirtying your clothes (which were pretty expensive since your parents wanted you too look "beautiful") as your sword layed besides you. A few seconds later, it hopped out of your hands and hopped away before looking back at you. Assuming it wanted you to follow, you stood up and grabbed your sword before following the creature. Soon you were suddenly surrounded by at least 10 bunnies, who all suddenly looked at you. You smiled again, sitting down on the ground and putting your swords down again. One slowly approached you before laying itself on your lap. 3 minutes later, you had 4 bunnies on your lap and somehow one had gotten on top of your shoulder. You guessed that 30 minutes had passed since you sneaked off and wondered if your parents were looking for you or just started arranging without you. You just couldn't bring yourself to care about that as you were surrounded by the cutest little bunnies.

"They are very fond of you." Someone spoke and you turned you head to see a man dressed in the Lan colors.

He looked absolutely ethereal.

You were snapped out of your trance when one of the bunnies wanted the attention and gently bit in your hand. You yelped, staring at the creature before petting it.

"I guess... I thought animals weren't allowed here?" You asked and the man came closer.

"That's true... Then again, I didn't put them here." He spoke, a small smile on his face and you chuckled, focusing back on the bunnies.

"Aren't you supposed to be with your parents?" "Yeah... I don't really want to be there honestly. Marrying a man I never met, not really something I want to do. Then again, I don't really have a choice. Hopefully he's nice at least and doesn't see me as a prize..." You ranted, not really caring that you were talking to a complete stranger.

"How would you know if you have never met him?" He asked and you frowned, looking him.

"How do you know that I haven't met him?" "Well, you're here and we've not met before." As he said this, your eyes widen as you realized that he was your future husband before you just froze.

"If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't never think about my future wife as a prize..." He spoke and you gave an awkward laugh and smile, slowly placing the bunnies on the ground and getting up. You brushed your clothes off (unable to get some of the brown spots off) and bowed your head to him.

"Sorry..." You mumbled and he gave you yet another smile, making smile back instantly. He then turned around, beckoning you to follow him. You did, walking behind him before opting to walk next to him instead.

"So... How did you find me?" You asked and he looked you, his hands folded neatly behind his back as he continued to walk, his strides smaller than before.

"I was just wandering around. You're parents are already in their room. I'll escort you to your room." He spoke and you nodded, thanking him before continuing to walk in silence. You soon broke that silence and spoke up.

"So... You agree to this marriage thingy?" "I talked about giving it some time first. I get you are not comfortable with this, so I thought you might prefer to get to know me first. I think it would be immensely difficult to convince your parents that we shouldn't marry, but I guess nothing would be impossible." He spoke and you nodded, looking at him for a second before looking away.

You arrived at your room minutes later and said goodbye to Lan Xichen before closing the door.

-Time skip of 3 weeks-

You had been married for a week now, sharing a room with Xichen now and seeing him every single day. You did not sleep in the same bed, you hadn't had "married" stuff happen (yet) and you had fallen hopelessly in love with your husband. You had no clue if he felt the same, but one could hope.

So you spent as much time with him as you could, making him tea and baked goods and hoping that he would realize that you liked him. But as usual, men were oblivious. So you had no other choice... Yep, you were going to confess... to your husband...? Yeah, it sounds a bit weird.

Now you were sitting in your room, Xichen in front of you as you both drunk from your tea. You cleared your throat, not really knowing what to say.

"So..." You paused, still not knowing what to say. Xichen looked up, giving you a smile. You blushed slightly before putting down your tea.

"I just wanted to say thank you... For treating me right and all that." You spoke and he looked at you once again.

"It is the least I could do, after all you're not here on free will. I just hope that you don't mind staying here." "No, no! Not at all. I enjoy being here. It's not that bad." You said and he smiled, chuckling and you smiled once again. You tried to think of the most normal way to confess, but your thoughts were broken as he spoke up again.

"If you want my opinion, I've liked your companionship." "Yeah, I like you too." It took a second to click... and when it did, your eyes widened as you bit your lip in annoyance, your face heating up in embarrassment.

"Me too." He speaks and you looked up again, staring at him before hiding your face in your hands. It took about 2 minutes before you were functioning again. You sat up straight before getting up and sitting next to him.

"That wasn't supposed to go like that..." You admitted, chuckling to yourself and looking at him. He smiled as he looked at you and you felt spontaneous again. So you leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. You pulled away with a bright smile before getting up quickly.