#worldviews

I was raised Jehovah's Witness, but my mom was just a long-term study. She could never quit smoking, so she couldn't advance. She also strictly enforced a lot of the lifestyle on me while not doing it herself. My ex-stepdad (who I do still call dad) used the Bible and witness beliefs as a weapon for power. He wasn't a study at all. My mom picked and chose what to follow, and chose that the "man of the house" rule would be strictly enforced.

1) Denotative use of words: This means that there's a lot of looking up the dictionary definition of words and the root words in Hebrew and Greek. There's very specific language use. People often use words "connitatively" which means the popular and cultural understanding of a word outside of its true definition.

This makes it hard for me to communicate sometimes. I also grew up very hard of hearing (partial deafness) and autistic, so I tend to use words very strict to their definition.

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2) Colorblindness and Antinationalism: Witnesses are taught to be colorblind. When you're an adult who comes in with outer world experience, you tend to have more PC understandings. If you're raised like this from childhood, it's a lot harder to learn to be more PC about it. I'm logically aware that I have to be sensitive to racial differences and inequality, but I have a really hard time grasping a lot of nuance around this. I do use the words "ethnicity" and "race" very sociologically definition specific as well, which confuses a lot of people. In sociology, ethnicity is a culture. You can be ethnically southern American, ethnically east coast, ethnically Chinese, and at the same time have a different race.

On top of the Colorblindness is the anti nationalism. There's a very specific JW culture and way of behavior that is strictly peaceful and the same rules and beliefs are enforced worldwide. This draws a lot of international people since the Congregation is familiar from one country to the next, and the Colorblindness does make a lot of people feel safer and more protected as they travel. I ended up learning to think a little less American, and a little more global because of this. As I try to integrate into society as an adult, this has been kind of... problematic.

Americans push their worldviews and political ideology on everyone without understanding cultural differences, beliefs, and customs overseas. Like, I have friends who think the answer to China's problems is to approach it with an American mindset and belief system without realizing it's a whole different ballgame. The history, the mindset, the government, and all of this is so different from the west that we can't impose our structure to fix their issues. Americans who don't know any Chinese people from China want to say they have all the answers without any understanding of life there or input from the people. So, as I try to understand political nuance, it's just been a struggle.

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3) Isolationism: JWs are super isolated. They're taught not to get close with people outside of the congregation. I wasn't able to get baptized because I had 2 friends from school, and they were queer. I chose them and so dated a trans man, so I was pushed out. That said, I wasn't allowed to get to know my family. My mom always talked about how she'd have to give up her brothers and sisters as a Witness, so she kept me from getting too close. When she gave up on studying for a while, I did end up getting to know her closest brother and some cousins, but because I didn't get to know anyone until adulthood, I don't have family to fall back on. The grandfather who raised me is dead. Even my favorite aunt who I knew when I was little has dismissed me as a stranger. I'm trying to get closer to family, but it's hard. I don't fit in well.

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4) Related to that is avoiding politics. We learn some history and all, but mostly about god, the bible, and wars. Small aside, but JWs were actually in the Holocaust and camps with Jewish people. In school, people thought I was either Mormom or Jewish.

Anyway, not being in touch with politics outside of how it affects the Congregation and our history had made it a struggle to stay in touch with politics today. They don't watch the news, they don't vote, and they don't fight in the army. In some countries with mandatory service like South Korea, Witnesses serve prison time. So it's just super detached and I have to go out of my way to learn worldly politics.

I did learn history, I went to a good school, and my grandpa was a Marine at the end of WWII and in Korea, so I definitely learned my history, but I had to try and understand politics and nuance on my own, largely through youtube and tumblr. I often feel like my brain is in a different political era, though. I want to be a good person who uplifts and helps people, so I do try really hard to find the right way to think and act, but it's not really guided much by friends and associations.

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5) Having deep conversations with strangers: this one is also amplified by my autism. With JWs, you don't keep things light and have small talk. You use a lot of deep personal stories to relate to the Bible and your studies, and this happens often within the first few meetings of someone. It's intense, and it makes me an intense person.

I always feel the need to get to know people on a deep level early on and feel comfortable sharing idealistic worldviews, deep opinions, and personal stories. I do try to learn how to keep things light, but it's a big, big challenge. Witnesses also are trained to make every conversation a teaching moment, so I tend to be seen as being on a "high horse" often. For some people who are bright and idealistic, who enjoy the depth, it works out great! I make people feel comfortable and they open up to me easily. But, it's also really hard amongst others who have mastered the art of "saying less".

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Overall, my main "creed" is essentially to love people through the Biblical definition that love is an action, and to try and take care of the planet and all living things as best I can with whatever power I have.

I don't know if this all seems coherent for others, but it's just what I'm processing. I kind of want to go back to being a JW sometimes for the protection as someone who was so removed from the World that I can't fit in well now, but I don't share all the isolation beliefs, and a few other things.