I’d Always Choose You
Crossposted from Ao3
Fanfic Masterlist
Warnings: Reader-Insert, No Use of Y/N for Reader-Insert, Gender-Neutral Reader-Insert, They/Them Pronouns for Reader-Insert, Reader is the crew’s chef, Buggy is bad at feelings, Buggy is anxious, Overthinking, Light Angst, Buggy has Abandonment Issues, Established Relationship, Sappy pet names, Kissing, Misunderstandings
Summary: After seeing his beloved laughing with Monkey D. Luffy, Buggy worries that you’ll leave the crew for the Straw Hats. Fueled by anxiety and abandonment issues, he devises a plan to get you to stay.
Characters/Relationships: Buggy/Gender-Neutral Reader, Monkey D. Luffy Mentioned, Cabaji Mentioned, Buggy’s crew mentioned
Words: 5.2k
A/N: Double posting Buggy in honor of his birthday being yesterday! This one isn’t my most brilliant work, but I really wanted to write about Buggy overthinking and getting lost in his head over something small! I hope you enjoy! While writing and fleshing out Buggy’s spiraling and overthinking, I listened to Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes, if you’d like to take a listen too!
—————
No matter where he went or what he did, there was always a persistent thorn in Buggy’s side. A thorn with a sunshine-bright smile and demeanor that could be inspiring if it wasn’t so damned annoying. A thorn that reminded him of Shanks and left the sour taste of regret and insecurity in his mouth every time they met.
There was only one straw-hat-wearing idiot who could push his buttons so throughly without even trying, and that was none other than the one and only Monkey D. Luffy.
Normally, hearing news of the twerp would leave Buggy irritable and ready to chuck freshly-sharpened knives at the boy’s wanted poster. It was inconvenient, sure, but nothing that he couldn’t handle. Seeing him in person proved to be a bit more intense. He could practically see the visage of his old red-haired crew mate every time he looked at Luffy, which stirred up all kinds of uncomfortable emotions that he didn’t have the patience or proper tools to cope with. It got worse when Luffy talked— he had the same stupid way of speaking that Shanks did, and it drove Buggy up the wall. With every word came a subconscious reminder of everything Buggy wasn’t, every ambition that had slipped from his grasp.
How utterly weak he was in comparison.
Maybe that was why he was damn near catatonic when he saw— not heard tell of, witnessed with his very own two eyes— his beloved casually conversing with the young man he despised so much.
You were going into a nearby town to find some ingredients local to the island you were docked at, you had told him this morning. Being the charming and amazing boyfriend he was, he figured he’d track you down for a surprise lunch date. Now that he saw you, however, you seemed more than a little preoccupied.
He didn’t know what the two of you were talking about. All he knew was that he had come into town to find you, then this. Luffy making stupid faces that made you laugh, saying something he couldn’t quite make out but that seemed nefarious all the same. You were smiling and carrying on like old friends, and suddenly his throat felt tight and dread was pooling in his stomach like a pound of lead.
Normally, anything Luffy-related resulted in a vocal outburst. Yelling, threats, and general overcompensation by way of voice volume.
This time, he didn’t utter a word.
Buggy the Clown watched silently from afar, for once. He took in the way you nearly doubled over with laughter from something funny that Luffy had said. He noticed how engaged you seemed in whatever the two of you were conversing about, how utterly focused you were on that rubber bastard. And when he had finally seen enough, when his eyes began to burn just a little too much to easily hide, he walked quietly back to where the Big Top was docked and beelined past the crew and straight to his cabin.
The moment the door shut behind him, a million thoughts raced through his mind.
Why were they talking to him, of all people? It was no secret how Buggy felt about Luffy.
What if they wanted to leave his crew for the Straw Hats? Now that he thought about it, it would make sense. Luffy was powerful. Likable. Strong. Young and on his way up, with no one to stop him. His entire crew was a force to be reckoned with, each member a threat entirely on their own.
In comparison, Buggy looked like an old, washed-up has-been covered in greasepaint with a little circus troupe following him around. That’s exactly what you were thinking, wasn’t it? That they weren’t even half as threatening as the Straw Hats, that he was too lackluster. It was only a matter of time before you realized how much better Luffy was, how much more charming he could be, and then you would be at his side instead. Gone, just like that. Another reminder of his failures, his inability to just be enough.
Why wasn’t he enough?
He didn’t have the strength to face you when you eventually returned later that night. As soon as you creaked open the cabin door, he pretended to be fast asleep. When you came over to smooth his hair out of his face, he faked soft snores. Then he felt your lips press to his forehead in a gentle goodnight kiss, and he pretended to stir just enough to roll over and hide his troubled expression. You went to bed soon after that, but Buggy didn’t sleep a wink.
☆彡
Buggy rose with the sun the next morning, greeted by soft pinks and purples dancing in the sky through the port window. The ship rocked lazily on calm waves, a sharp contrast to the panic already clawing at his heart. And there you were, fast asleep in bed next to him. You looked gorgeous— but then again, when did you not? Even in sleep, you took his breath away.
He wonders if you’d take Luffy’s breath away, too. If not him, maybe someone else on that damned crew. The mere thought leaves a sinking feeling in his chest, and he peels himself out of bed to do the one thing he knows to do in response: scheme.
By the time the sun had fully risen, Buggy’s usual mask of bravado was back on and cemented in place, stronger than ever. An exaggerated grin stretched from ear to ear as he looked himself in the mirror, checking to make sure his paints and makeup looked perfect. Aside from the bags under his eyes from a restless night, he looked immaculate. His outfit was even flashier than usual to match, a blinding mess of sequins and sparkles that left him looking more like a disco ball than a pirate captain.
His cheeks had already begun to grow sore by the time you were up and around, but he didn’t allow the mask to slip. He marched around with his chest puffed out, glaring at anyone who dared to call his demeanor today “off-putting” or “alarming.” Fools, the lot of them.
Buggy didn’t care what the rest of the crew thought. He just needed to be bigger, better, flashier. If he just broadcasted his brilliance enough, maybe he could convince you that he was worth staying with. You seemed receptive enough to his little plan, bidding him good morning with a sweet kiss that threatened to ruin his composure and foil his scheme right out the gate. You smiled and blew kisses whenever he would glance your way, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about it all. Were they empty gestures, part of a facade to keep the peace while you plotted your departure? It sounded ridiculous, Buggy was well aware, but he couldn’t afford to take any chances.
And so he kicks things up a notch, strutting toward you like a posturing peacock covered in glitter. Confidence and a proud smile wasn’t enough— he needed to give you a not-so gentle reminder of who he was.
“Starlight! You should feel thrilled to have such a flashy, fearless captain!” He presses his hand to his chest with a dramatic pose, shooting you a wink. When you politely smile and nod in reply, his eye twitches.
Just a smile and nod? Not, “oh, but of course, my beloved and perfect captain!”
Well, you probably wouldn’t say that anyway, but that wasn’t the point! You weren’t impressed enough!
He throws his arm out with a flourish next, making his coat flap behind him and catch the sunlight like a shimmering cape. “How utterly lucky you are be part of this glorious crew, led by the flashiest, the most brilliant pirate captain the Grand Line has ever seen!” He strikes another pose, this one meant to highlight his ruggedly handsome good looks. In reality, the sunlight is far too harsh and coming from the entirely wrong angle, and he ends up squinting straight into the sun. Still, the show must go on. “You don’t see any other crew that can pillage and entertain with an entire circus act, do ya? No, no you don’t!” He adds on a cocky laugh for good measure.
You chuckle and step forward this time, pressing your lips to his cheek in a quick peck that feels just like warm rays of sunlight breaking through storm clouds. “Indeed I am, Love-Bug.” You reply sweetly, and he can’t help the dopey grin that crosses his expression at the feeling of your kiss. It’s soft and full of warmth, far different from the prideful smile from moments before. The warmth of your affection, however, is short-lived as you proceed to walk right past him. “I have some errands to run in town, ‘kay? See you at dinner.” You blow him a final kiss before descending the gangplank, and all he can feel now is cold, familiar dread creeping back in.
‘Errands to run in town’ could mean anything. It could mean bumping shoulders with Luffy and his crew, which could mean being impressed by them again, which could mean—
Okay, deep breath.
Buggy inhales through his nose and out through his mouth, watching as you disappear from sight. Maybe you were just picking up more ingredients to stock up the kitchen. That would be far more likely than a secret plan to leave, after all. But try as he might to reason with himself, the twisting feeling in his gut refuses to fade as the day drags on.
He pretends to busy himself while you’re gone at first, flipping through paperwork he’s too unfocused to fill out and checking already-clean spots around the ship to see if they need to be cleaned again. Within an hour, he’s out of distractions and time starts to crawl even slower. That nagging insecurity in the back of his mind only continues to grow with every painstaking second, and by lunchtime he feels like he’s going crazy.
What was so great about Luffy’s crew, anyway? What did they have that the Buggy Pirates didn’t?
…He decides not to answer either of those questions right away.
But he’s already asked the question mentally, and he already knows the answer— and the longer that idea lingers in his brain, the worse he feels.
Why wouldn’t you want to go to their crew instead? They had a cyborg! A living skeleton! A talking raccoon-dog-thing! Even more than that, they had respect from all who crossed them, and bounties that matched their sheer power. You wouldn’t have to worry about fighting off smaller bands of pirates like you often did with Buggy— lower ranking groups would be too afraid to so much as glance at anyone involved with the Straw Hat Luffy.
Were you sick of having to fight? He thought you enjoyed those little battles! You always smiled, weapon in hand and at the center of the action right alongside him. What had changed? Were the ingredients in the ship’s kitchen not good enough? Did he need to pillage better towns?
It was no matter. None of it mattered. Because come tonight, upon your return, he would fix it all. He had to.
He couldn’t lose the one person who truly saw him, flaws and all, and still loved him unconditionally. The others liked him well enough, sure, but you had seen all of him. Every doubt, insecurity, and regret that haunted him. You had been there when nightmares left him in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, yet also for countless parties and feasts that celebrated his glory. And maybe he didn’t say it enough because he wasn’t very good at emotions outside of pride and anger, but he loved you. With everything he was, he loved you and enjoyed every moment spent by your side.
No, he wouldn’t allow himself to lose you. Especially not to Straw Hat Luffy, of all people.
☆彡
The sun had just begun to set when Buggy hears Cabaji call from the crow’s nest, “They’re back!”
Okay. Showtime.
He orders everyone to get into place, watching discreetly from a hiding spot on the deck as you come into view. There’s a large, heavy-looking pack balanced on your back, and your wobbly gait suggests that you’ve done a lot of walking today. You look exhausted, taking your time ascending the gangplank, and Buggy is confident that he can use your exhaustion to his strategic advantage once the two of you are alone. After all, the Straw Hats didn’t know how to pamper you just the way you liked after a long day, did they?
The moment you finally step foot onto the deck, Buggy gives the signal from his hiding spot.
Pop!
You jump, just barely catching your balance as an explosion of confetti comes raining down around you. Crewmen throw streamers from the ratlines, whooping and cheering, and Buggy finally takes his place as the star of the show. He unfurls a large banner with a disembodied hand, leaving his hiding spot to instead pose next to the banner. This time, he manages to get the angle right and the setting sun casts him in a golden glow that actually accentuates his features. “Welcome Home!” The banner says in bold, hand-painted lettering, and there’s a doodle of your face in the margin that was clearly done by Buggy himself.
His eyes follow yours as you read the banner, and he beams when your expression softens. Yes, all according to plan. Your heart had to be melting by now, and all he needed to do was keep you feeling all warm and mushy for the rest of the night. You wouldn’t even have the chance to think about another crew.
He shouts your name, finally abandoning his meticulously-planned pose to jog over. Then you flash him that stunning smile of yours and wave, and the sheer radiance of his one and only has him tripping over his feet on his way up to you. “You’re back!” He exclaims, resisting the urge to pick you up and twirl you around right away. The party needed to come first— there would be plenty of time to sweep you off your feet after.
You chuckle warmly. “Yes, love, I’m back. What’s with the party? I was only gone for a few hours, silly.”
Buggy lets out a sigh of anguish, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. “A treacherous few hours! I felt like a widow waiting for my spouse to come home from war!”
When your lips quirk up in an amused grin, he can’t help but return it. Your smile had always been disarming, leaving him all soft and sappy. “Honey, I was in a tiny village.”
“A village full of savages, I’m sure. They were probably plotting how best to prepare your flesh for dinner!”
You let out a full-on laugh at that, hands clutching your stomach, and Buggy feels a surge of pride. He even feels a little smug— there was no way that whatever nonsense Luffy had been spouting yesterday made you laugh this hard. For a moment, the sound of your laughter drowns out the voice telling him to worry. He feels light in those few seconds, like maybe everything is normal.
But then you take a deep breath and collect yourself, and there’s no more noise to muffle his doubts. “Well, it’s sweet that you missed me so much. All of this is really for me?”
He nods rapidly, taking your hand in his before pressing a dramatic, exaggerated smooch to your knuckles. “For who else, my shining star?” Your smile widens and his eyes light up, and immediately a flood of words tumble out in hopes of making that smile grow even more. “Do you like it? We can throw a party every day for you! We’ll have your favorite foods and Richie can do tricks!”
You laugh, cupping his jaw and bringing him closer to press a quick peck to his nose. The simple gesture nearly has him falling to pieces while his heart melts. “That’s sweet, Love-Bug, but I don’t think we have the budget for daily parties.”
The warm fuzzies vanish in an instant at that, a flicker of panic flashing in his eyes as he rests his hand over yours. Was that it? The budget was too tight, and the Straw Hats had more money to spend? “The budget isn’t an issue!” He replies too quickly, “We’ll just pillage a few more towns, follow some of the old treasure maps we haven’t gotten to yet!”
There’s a barely-concealed desperation in his voice as he reasons with you, and the warm fondness that had been blooming in your chest soon morphs into concern. He can see the way your brow furrows ever so slightly, the way your smile becomes just a hint strained. He’s being strange, he knows you’re thinking. Stranger than usual, anyway. “Honey-” you try to interject, but he’s already dragging you toward the small feast he had ordered to be prepared while you were gone. He needed to fix this, and quick.
“You must be starving! Come eat, I’ll take your bag back to our room!” His hands pop off and grab at the bag on your back, snatching it away before you can protest.
“Buggy, that needs to go to-”
“Our room, yes!” He interrupts, his hands already halfway to the cabin. “It’s all taken care of, so eat up!” One hand snaps back to push a steaming plate in front of you before flying off again. He made sure to have the others prepare your favorites, and while it obviously wasn’t your cooking, it still looked delicious. Hopefully it would keep you pleasantly distracted.
☆彡
The rest of the party drags on in the same fashion: Buggy pulling out all the stops and checking far too many times to see if you’re enjoying yourself. There’s even a small fireworks show that nearly sets the sails on fire, where he had been too caught up in singing your praises to pay attention to the sparks flying dangerously close to the ship. His eyes are glued to you, analyzing your every word and movement. The slightest cue of disinterest is enough to have Buggy scrambling, ushering you to the next activity until there’s nothing left.
When the party finally winds down, he can tell that you’ve had enough. You’re uncharacteristically quiet on the way back to your shared room, and his sea-green eyes watch you anxiously— he thought his scheme was going perfectly, so why did you seem distant all of a sudden?
The moment the door closes behind the two of you, you cross your arms over your chest. “Okay, Buggy. What’s going on with you?” You ask bluntly, and he actually jumps like a startled animal. Had he really been that obvious?
“Whatever do you mean, sweet thing? Did you not enjoy the party? We can throw another-”
“That.” You point an accusatory finger. “That right there— why are you so worried about if I enjoyed the party, hun? You know I love the parties we throw.” He goes quiet at that. How do you even begin to explain feeling so jealous that you needed to throw the perfect party to make sure your partner would still love and want you? Instead of trying to find the answer to that, he settles for just staring at you with the words caught in his throat. You sigh and walk over to the bag that he took earlier, slinging it over your shoulder. “I’m gonna take this to the kitchen, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Buggy stares for a moment, then two. Then something clicks in his brain, his expression falls and he blocks the door, panicked all over again. He gets it now— you’re going to the kitchen to pack your favorite pots and pans into that large bag of yours. Then you’d probably come back here to pack the rest of your things.
“There’s no need for that!” He says hurriedly, and you sigh tiredly.
“Buggy, take a breath. I said I’ll be right back.”
“As if!” He snaps sharply, “I’m not letting you go that easily!”
Your eyes narrow as you ponder his words, and suddenly it feels like there’s a ten-ton weight in his gut. “What do you mean by that?” You ask calmly, and he sputters before scoffing.
“You know exactly what I mean!” He gestures wildly with one arm as he speaks, hardly able to stand just how collected you are right now. How long had you been planning this to be so neutral about it? “I saw you in town with that damned Straw Hat yesterday, laughing it up! If you wanna abandon this crew for his, you’ll have to go through me first!”
And there it is. Buggy’s heart aches as he watches your expression soften. You’re looking at him the same way you do when he wakes up in a panic from a nightmare, like he’s not thinking properly and needs to be guided back to reality. But this is reality, and he’s certain of what he saw. He’s certain that you think Luffy is better than he is, and now he’s certain that you’re going to let him down easy before leaving for good.
“Buggy…” You murmur his name, taking a step closer. He presses himself firmly against the door, voice shaky with nerves and a storm of familiar emotions he doesn’t want to think about.
“You’re too important to this crew to just let you leave!”
You see right through his words, and he knows it.
You’re too important to me to just let you leave.
His eyes begin to burn again as you stand there and stare at him, those gorgeous eyes of yours peering right into his soul. This was it, wasn’t it? He swallows thickly, preparing for yet another rejection from someone important to him. He tried his best.
And again, as always, he wasn’t enough.
“Buggy.” You say his name again, your voice firm but not unkind. He flinches and mentally scolds himself for looking so pathetic. The least he could do is take this on the chin like a man. “Come here.” You set your bag down on the floor beside you and point to it. “Look inside.”
He gulps, stares for a moment, then slinks away from the door and closer to your bag. One hand snips off to open it while the rest of him waits a healthy distance away, as if a beast will lunge out at him, and when he finally works up the nerve to creep closer he sees it.
Odd-looking fruits and vegetables from the island. Jars full of seasonings. A few loaves of bread and various containers of jam. Your bag is full of ingredients, just like you said it would be. Not belongings, only food. He sits there for a long moment, dumbfounded, only snapping out of his trance when you rest a hand on his lower back.
“I’m not going anywhere, silly. I told you I’d be back.” Your voice is soft and patient, and he feels like a fool.
He swallows again, looking between you and the bag. “But you— and Straw Hat—”
“Struck a deal.” You reach into the bag, pulling out a neatly labeled jar of mixed spices. “I offered him some of our extra meat in exchange for some of their seasonings. Just bartering between crews, honey.” He stares at the seasonings as though they’ve personally wronged him, and you sigh. “I know how you feel about Luffy, Bug, but we needed the supplies. This island’s pretty small. I couldn’t find everything I needed in town.”
Buggy huffs and narrows his eyes, making a face dangerously close to a childish pout as he examines a different jar of seasoning. “But you were watching him so closely. Laughing at what he was saying. It looked like you were really enjoying being with him— I saw the two of you myself.”
You sigh again, this time shaking your head with a small smile. “Buggy, my love, I was schmoozing. Laughing and smiling to get on his good side and secure the deal, you know how that works.”
Oh.
Well, that made a hell of a lot more sense than you leaving the crew, and now Buggy felt even more idiotic than he had a few minutes ago. His cheeks grow warm and pink with embarrassment over his own ridiculousness.
But you smile instead of making him feel worse, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle hug. “There’s no reason to be jealous, love. I’m staying right here.”
“I know. I trust you.” He grumbles, leaning into your embrace and allowing his eyes to fall closed. The tension in his jaw and shoulders lessens now that he knows you are not, in fact, secretly planning on leaving.
“Then what was today all about, honey?” You broach the topic gently, pressing a kiss to his temple. You both know good and well that being questioned or taking criticism wasn’t something he handled with the utmost grace, but he would try for you.
He opens his eyes and leans further into your affection, gaze downcast. The sound of the Big Top creaking on the evening sea fills the silence between you while he thinks over his words. It isn’t often that he’s this quiet, this vulnerable. Normally he’s only like this after nightmares. In a way, the past couple of days have felt like a nightmare for him.
“I was scared.” He finally admits, voice barely loud enough to hear. You don’t say anything in reply yet, but he feels you hug him a little tighter. “Scared you’d realize how much better he is than me.” What a humiliating thing to have to say, and even worse to know that he believed it. It almost physically pains him to admit it out loud, and he hides his face in your shoulder to keep from meeting your eyes.
When you finally speak again, your voice is so gentle that it makes his heart hurt. “Buggy, look at me.” There’s only a moment of hesitation before he obeys. He hates how pathetic he must look right now, eyes wet with the threat of tears after this whole incident. Your expression is unreadable as you’re finally able to look him in the eyes, and he worries that he’s ruined everything until you smile.
Then your lips are on his, soft and warm and slow. A wave of warmth courses from head to toe at the contact, and suddenly every doubt that’s plagued him for the past couple of days seems so small in comparison to this moment. His eyes flutter shut and, for once, he doesn’t rush to return your kiss with his usual messy enthusiasm. He instead just allows himself to receive it, basking in your affection and letting it wash over him to carry away the lingering insecurities that started this mess in the first place. The moment is over far too soon when you break the kiss, but you don’t stray far. Your forehead rests against his, warm breath fanning over his lips as you speak.
“Answer me this,” you murmur for his ears only, “who is my amazing, fearless captain?”
Buggy doesn’t answer right away. He takes a breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. The way you had once told him worked best to calm down. Then, the corner of his mouth quirks up into the smallest smile. Without an ounce of doubt, he pulls back just enough to meet your eyes.
“Me.”
You grin. “Mhm. And who do I choose to sail with every day and come home to every night, hm?” His smile widens as you continue, “Who makes my heart race like no one else can?”
This time, his answer is instant— his voice a little louder and even more confident.
“Me, obviously!”
You peck him right on his painted lips. “That’s right. I’m yours, Buggy, just as much as you are mine. Nothing’s gonna change that, you hear me?”
He nods, unable to hide his soft smile even as he buries his face against your neck. His lips find the soft flesh there with slow, reverent kisses, trailing gently up the column of your throat and along your jaw. When he finds his way back to your lips, you smile and return his affection. You taste like the dessert from tonight’s party and smell just as sweet— all of you was sweet. Sweet words, sweet affection, and a sweet figure that he adored to top it all off. Not that he was particularly focused on that at the moment, but he was allowed to notice!
“So, you still feelin’ jealous?” You murmur against his lips, and he pulls back with a soft scoff and a shake of his head.
The earlier tension of the day melts away as his arms snake around your waist. “Pft, as if I’d be jealous of that brat.” He replies, and you laugh.
“That’s the star clown I know and love.”
Your arms drape over his shoulders and you peck his lips one more time, taking a quiet moment to just hold him close. He basks in the intimacy of it all, allowing the day’s antics to replay through his mind. How silly he felt in retrospect, losing his mind over something so utterly ridiculous.
“My love,” you begin after a while, and he quietly looks up at you with expectant eyes. “I don’t need daily parties. I don’t need lavish ingredients or equipment, or riches piled high. And while you look so very lovely in this outfit,” You run a hand down his sequin-covered chest and he damn near purrs, “I don’t need you to have it for my sake.” You pause for a moment, letting those words linger. Then, with a smile, you continue. “I’m here for you, and nothing else. Parties or not, riches or not, flashy outfits or not. I’d always choose you, Buggy. I love you.”
Buggy takes in every word and swallows hard, keenly aware of the lump now forming in his throat. When was the last time anyone had actually said something like that to him, the last time he was the first choice?
“I love you too,” he manages to croak out in reply, furiously blinking back the tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He wasn’t good at emotions, and you knew that better than most. So when you offer him an outlet for the storm of thoughts, memories, and feelings swirling in his brain by hugging him, he takes the opportunity to hide his face in your shoulder and let it all out. It’s surprisingly tame— soft sniffles here and there, and you can feel the telltale warmth of tears on your shoulder. You know those tears carry years of self-doubt, and you’re more than happy to hold him as he trembles in your arms.
Through his tears, Buggy can’t stop thinking about how lucky he is. You’re everything— kind, caring, and patient in stark contrast to his selfish, brash tendencies. You see that, he knows you do, and yet you stay. You love him. His arms tighten around your waist as he pulls you closer, and he feels foolish for ever doubting your devotion. Of course you were different. You always had been, and even someone like Luffy couldn’t change that.
You’re truly one of a kind. And with you, Buggy knows he’ll always be enough.
