#workstruggles

Two months ago, I got a promotion at my job. Higher salary and, above all, a boost to my self-esteem. I was performing well; feedback from everywhere was amazing. Everyone I worked with loved me, and the company recognized my dedication and rewarded me with a promotion!

I was happy and satisfied. I enjoyed a nice trip with my girlfriend to Venice (we live in the Netherlands, and I'm Italian).

My career was going well. I had found a job that I loved and excelled at.

One month ago, I got laid off. Apparently, my company has two heads that don't communicate with each other. One head is the managers who actually do the job and work with people; the other head is the stakeholder-pleasers who don't care at all about people, but just about numbers.

The US didn't reach the quota this year, so let's cut all the EU market. It doesn't matter how well they're doing; they are too small in comparison.

And the people who work there?

Probably the answer to this question was: Who?

We got laid off—me, my team, other European teams. All our work, planning, and energy didn't mean enough.

It happened in a few hours. One minute I was enjoying my first salary after the promotion, and the next minute I was crying because I would soon be kicked out of the system.

I feel like I fell from the top of a building.

Everybody around me is saying not to worry, that I'll find another job, that I'm qualified, and everything will be good.

The truth is, nothing is good. I feel like shit. I have Rejection Sensitivity, so you can imagine how fun it is to receive tons of rejection emails for your applications.

And what about the tips about CVs, cover letters, and all the different application methods that exist? One goes against the other, and you're left more confused than ever.

People are telling me to take it easy, that I have time and I just started my application process, but I'm not good, I'm not feeling good. Then I think: what the fuck has this world made us become? Why do I feel so worthless when I didn't even get fired? I was a good worker, but still, it wasn't enough. Why can't I help but think that without a job, I'm nobody?

The absurd thing is that I would never think this of any of the people I know. People I love, including my girlfriend, have gone through periods when they didn't have a job and needed to find a new one. During those times, never, even for a second, did it occur to me to judge them or think less of them because they didn't have a job. So, why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I take all of this with more serenity? What's wrong with me?

I've opened this blog just to vent and let my thoughts out. I wanted to come across as a bit more funny, but today is not a very good day. Hopefully, I'll soon sharpen my "virtual pen."