#wizard thoughts

if, theoretically, there were no barriers to getting on HRT; no hoops to jump through or forms to fill or money to spend

if i could just press a button and have the girljuice delivered to my door, would i take that chance?

and shockingly, i found that the answer was yes. my resistance to transitioning or even accepting the label "trans" was much less about how i felt, and more about the apparent inconvenience of it (even if i live in a relatively safe environment). i felt i wasn't trans enough to be trans, that it wasn't an absolute neccesity- but, in truth, in a perfect world where it's really that easy, i don't think i would stay a cis guy.

You say you love us,but it doesn’t feel that way.You say we can tell all our fears,yet you dismiss them.You say we are free to express our thoughts,yet you scream at us for questioning you.You say you love us no matter what,yet you look at our bodies with hidden disgust.You say you are better then your predecessors,because they didn’t look out for you,yet you stalk us like a hungry wolf in fear that we’ll go out of line.

You created all those unspoken rules by hanging them on the walls, putting them in  the vases,on shelfs,as souvenirs.We walk around them,touch them and breath them in.They all remind us of you,of a house you created to close the pit where all your fears are hidden.

One day,we will tear down the paintings from the walls, break the vases and shelves: we will shake the walls and the floor, and you will fall into your pit.

Really sad because I don't live in this cute, whimsical world where I can work odd jobs to make rent.