Top Posts Tagged with #when will i stop... dissociating... ..?? ?

never stop blowing up is so fun bc 99% of the time it’s near incomprehensible and high octane action and then every so often out of nowhere someone will make a character choice that sucker punches you in the gut. and then it’s back to the antics so fast you get whiplash

#it’s like a magic 8 ball. never know when it’s going to happen #don’t ask me what that means #this is both about dang’s dissociation and the usha/g13 moment last ep #but also like half of wendell’s arc #and tbh? liv’s ’i respect you no matter what’#apparently ep6 made me feel a lot. hm #also the barsimmeon thing in ep5 but i talked about that already so #dimension 20 #never stop blowing up #nsbu #nsbu spoilers #<- in the tags

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not to mikotohead because i do hate being angry because it is humiliating and i always hear people watching me about it so i will maybe try and chill out... but

the thought that something that means a lot to me (and many others) and that did genuinely all i could ask it to in kindly representing experiences very close to mine in its final part, is being mocked and taken in bad faith to the extent that folks are literally just mocking the idea that circumstances that pwDID do experience could ever exist, is Not Fun. a lot of folks demonstrably care a lot more about sounding politically correct and clowning on The Ableists than they do actually being kind to mentally ill and traumatised people, and it really sucks.

pwDID can come from normal ass families; desperate and hurting people under abusive systems, who could also be considered mentally ill, can do unforgivable things which should not be ascribed to their psychiatric status. just because you want to read something as stigmatising and offensive and ignorant doesn't mean you have to. it doesn't mean that's the author's intent or (most importantly) the only valid way the writing can be taken. sometimes it's not the text asserting that mentally ill people are curayzay. sometimes that's just you.

#kostik speaks #mikoto kayano #i need to stop taking it so gd personally but when so many folks mock real things we experience thinking its bad fiction i kinda wanna die #a mentally ill character being violent after suffering crushing abuse is not 'mentally ill violent for no reason' DO YOU HEAR YOURSELVES #a dissociative character forgetting they lashed out and concieving it as another person to cope is not evil split personality. THAT'S DID #ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TEXT ENDS WITH THE CHARACTER SEEKING TO RECONCILE THEIR TWO SIDES AND TAKE COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY #DESPITE DISAVOWING THEIR OTHER SELF FOR SO LONG. THAT'S DID. THAT'S *GOOD* DID #i need to go on a walk

I knew you were gonna freak out about that one ask LOL I was freaking out too

THREE CHEERS FOR IMPLIED RAGDOLL TORTURE HURRAY!!!!!!!!

#you know with how much i complain over feeling like shes so underutilized ill take any inch and go a mile with it at this point 😭😭😭😭😭#the violence thing just intrigues me so much. sorry to raggy.. i swear i do like you but i cant stop thinking #about the loss of autonomy and dissociating what makes you a person #when you see the circus equivalent of your guts flayed out on the floor for everyone to see every other day #ask #the concept is played on the show more than enough but to know that it was actually intended is just really important to me to be confirmed

Sometimes I have to tell myself that I'm fine, I exist, I'm fine, I exist, I'm real, I exist

#i think i'm dissociating #just a little #not enough that people notice but enough to just. not really be present in my own life of conversations #it's exactly the right amount of dissociating that i just kind of live and go along with whatever gets thrown at me but i'm not fully aware #of it and it leaves my brain again and so i just forget and forget and don't feel like i exist and i don't actually do anything #people tell me 'you should do this thing' and then i'm like 'yeah' and then it slips out of my brain or gets lost in the fog or idk #and i'm here but also there's a glass wall between me and my life and i don't really mind it i guess it's just that it's stopping me from #doing anything meaningful or just things that bring me forward in my life #and any serious thought i have just gets lost somewhere along the way to my conscious #and i don't really notice that it's happening until the days fly by and i don't really do anything and i wonder why and i think it's stress #but also there isn't actually that much to be stressed about #i sometimes wonder if that's what i do now because my brain can't really get me to get anxious about intrusive thoughts anymore #like i know how to deal with them and i wonder if the ocd was some sort of weird coping mechanism and now that i dob't really have that too #much anymore my brain needed a new coping mechanism and decided on this #i have no idea if that's how it works but this only started like maybe a year ago i don't think i've had this before #but now sometimes i'm like Not dissociating and then i realize that i actually am present right now and it's scary because like where am i?#when am i then when i'm not fully present? i feel like i can't feel my feelings when i dissociate and it's hard to be aware of my own body #and needs and i just exist but also i'm not full here and people don't seem to get it and all they do is ask me what i did and i say that i #didn't really do anything but also i don't really actively remember the last week and i don't know if it's adhd forgetfulness or if i'm just #dissociating #hhhh idk it's so hard to explain because i feel and do nothing when it happens and i'm not aware of my own body and i just feel slightly off #but also it consumes my whole day or even week and i can almost grasp how sad i am underneath but i can't really feel it and i can't get #anything done and i can't fully ask for help because i don't even understand it myself and it's so subtle that you don't see it from the #outside but i know that it's there i know that something is off and weird but also i don't know how to get more aware of it and then how to #actually stop it and i feel so helpless because i don't do the things i should do and people ask me why and all i can say is i don't know #i guess i forgot but really it's not that i forgot it's more that it never really arrived in my brain to begin with i never even fully #grasped this as a task i had to do because when somebody told me the task there was an error message in my brain and nobody saw #or something idk like i said it's so hard to properly describe the feeling of just existing and not really being here but also still kinda #being here but also not really and i just exist but also i have to remind myself that i exist and am a real person that is like. alive #lea's random thoughts

rock on forever little man

#art #my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #oc #original character #not wonderland #mlp #mlp oc #my little pony #pony #pegasus #ms paint #You can take whatever meaning from this but I think I drew it with dissociation and identity issues in mind mostly #I've had this OC since I was 12 but in concept he's existed since I was 11 #I learned somewhat recently that I kind of wasn't myself for a good few years #but even when I wasn't myself I still loved my stupid purple horse OC and did my best to turn him into something that part of me enjoyed #so the text is kind of referencing that fact that every facet of me loves him in some way even if those ways are different or those facets #don't feel like myself. he is a constant in my brain and he always will be for as long as I am me and the times I've stopped loving him #are the times I stopped making an effort to get better or be myself #and yet like clockwork #when i persist #he persists with me

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People always talk about non-human alters as if they're this funny little quirk of DID, but no-one talks about the fucking dread you feel when you discover a non-human alter.

How nauseating it is to find out you were abused to such a severity that part of your brain doesn't even believe it's human anymore. And how much worse it is when you can tell exactly what kind of trauma it must of experienced based on the form it takes. And you had somehow forgotten about all of it until now.

#i mean the 'mommy was mean to me a few times and now i have a dog in my head' jokes ARE funny but like #non human alters themselves aren't. it stops being funny when you look into why these parts present the way they do #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #did system #osddid #actually dissociative #complex dissociative disorder #cdd system #dissociation #haze posts

ROBIN SOUTHEEEEYYYYYY FUUUUUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCHCHGHHXBZJN

#shut up ru #it's glazing my favorite blorbo i molded into clay and dribbling his hunky ass like a basketball o clock #he's currently the same age as i am and yes your honor; i adopted him #forever 26-27 ish thing who i conceived when i was pushing 19.#he's been my soon to be decade old comfort character who i will shove into 9 billion more media i enjoy #or just dissociate with the newest trendy music that will rot my brain forever #im looking at u cece natalie. catchy ass song equivalent to a mating ritual #i think my obsession will finally reach its peak when i will stop cowering and make keychain merch of him #i will certainly use my adult funds to make a poorly made ita bag

Dennis who doesn’t remember most of his childhood, especially high school. He never had it easy growing up, always the odd one out, and that became compounded when he got to high school, at that point it became clear to everyone that he wasnt going to change, he wasn’t gonna fall in line, he was forever different.

He realises one day that, hey, i havent had that weird spacey feeling in a few years now, i swear i felt like that all the time in high school. He mentions it to trinity in a “huh weird coincidence” type way, and she gives him a look and asks him to elaborate a little on what that spacey feeling felt like, and after saying “bro you were dissociating”

And dennis spends the next few weeks learning about dissociation, giving younger him empathy he was never given. It takes him a bit too long to realise, oh it was because i was in an extremely traumatic environment. He just thought it was because he was a little bit stressed those years. He is not the best at connecting dots when it comes to himself

#sorta based on me only now realising why i was constantly dissociative in high school and sixth form and that it stopped being so prevelant #when a stressor left my life lol. i spent so long believing it was just bc of anxiety i didnt connect the timeline dots #i an still severely anxious but i am in a safer environment. i am giving dennis this experience #the pitt #dennis whitaker #to me he and trinity are so the same but trinity is aware her childhood sucked while dennis is not #he is the clip from bobs burgers i think i had a bad childhood

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