Well.

So today was weigh in day, and I gained another 0.5lb. I know it’s not much. Only half a pound, but it still really upset me. I think seeing my gain last Monday made me feel a little down and I know I didn’t eat very well over the week and I gained again. But I know that by doing that it’s only going to get me back where I started, and I don’t want that. So this week I’m recommitting and getting back to it.

I’m also frustrated because I was using ovulation tests, and they never picked up the hormone spike. It didn’t last month either, and it was the same test. So I don’t know if I just had a bad test kit or...? I don’t know. But I’m really upset about it because I don’t know if my window has passed or not. I’m trying to read the other signs that my body gives me but it’s not making it any clearer. We haven’t had sex since Friday because it just didn’t end up working out to get it in, and I didn’t want to force it though now I’m wondering if we should have just in case I’m still in my fertile window.

Overall I’m just feeling really defeated and down and I’m trying to pick myself back up and get back on the wagon but with both of those things, it’s really hard to do. Sometimes it’s just hard.

Never a good sign when you come downstairs to find all the windows fogged up.  Thankfully, when I tested the weather (by stepping onto my back deck and flapping my arms around for a few seconds) it wasn’t as humid as the windows made it seem. 

Erp and I got out for a pleasant 5 miles and made it back with enough time for me to get “camera ready” for my 9 a.m. meeting. Although, I knew I wouldn’t need to have my screen on for the call, I wanted to be ready to look professional just in case.  And I’m glad I did!  We had an impromptu staff meeting immediately following the call so I’m happy my primping efforts weren’t for nothing. 

I didn’t get a chance to eat until 12:30 p.m. meaning I happened to fast for 16.5 hours!  I made the most of my double meal by topping my chaffles with all the sandwich goodies.  

Brussels with a sausage link for dinner since Kevin ordered BBQ for himself without asking if I wanted any - RUDE. Sure, I probably would have declined but it would have been nice to have been asked. As long as I get the option to turn it down I feel better about when he brings deliciousness into our home. 

I’m going to be writing again in a few hours once I weigh in for the week but I had a few things I wanted to get off my chest while I’m thinking about it.

I started PMSing (I don’t want to even think along the lines that I might be pregnant because if I do, it’s so hard to cope with once my period inevitably starts), and the last two days I ate like shit. Yesterday wasn’t too bad, but today was just straight up awful. I ate too much pizza, too much popcorn, too much chocolate... and I hate myself for it. I couldn’t get full, so I kept eating. I’m dreading the scale in the morning but I know that it’s only one day, and I can get back on the wagon. It’s just the last 2 weeks I’ve gained, and if I gain a third week, it makes me feel like such a failure. My friend is doing this WW thing with me, and she’s made much better progress already than I have and I wish I didn’t let myself get so far behind.

This weekend has included... 

attempting to feed erp but getting more on her face than in her mouth.  

10 more thank you cards written (with the goal of 10 more to write today)

curbing a menstrual migraine with all the drugs and water

5x5@50 squats and 5x5@50 ohp

keto pizza casserole

5 mile walk in the early morning heat listening to more of the new Hunger Games book

Which is narrated by Santino Fontana so every time I hear him I can’t help but picture Greg from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

the love of my new mini “happy” mug (pictured with older mug for scale)

SW: 177.1 CW: 175.8