My weight loss & gain story
Disclaimer: this might be too long and ranty. Sorry for that, but I really need to get it out of my head. Btw English is not my first language. You were warned :)
I always was a cute chubby kid, but never realized that there was something wrong with my body. I never ate more than other kids, but I loved all sugary stuff. During one summer at elementary school (I was around 7), my mum spent all her time walking with me outside, playing sports and exercising. She taught me how to play volleyball, badminton, how to ride a bike. It worked were well for my body. But then I went back to school and probably gained everything. I mean come on, an 7 years old! So sad.
The second attempt at losing weight happened during my high school years. I was at my highest point, I started noticing angry-red stretch marks on my thighs and upper arms. They were itching horribly and I cried in my mum’s arms because I didn’t understand what was happening. It felt a little bit like I am gonna die (I was a moody teenager, so everything felt like the end of the world. No exception here). I weighted myself in and saw 190 lbs on the scale. That day we created a diet plan with my mum. It was some kind of a mainstream low-carb diet where each food had points. But because my mum is a very smart woman (♡), I still ate lots of fruits and grains. All in all, it was a pretty balanced diet, if I look back at it. Obviously, my mum was the main driving force there, she cooked for me, she basically controlled the gate keeper for the fridge. For 4 years I maintained this diet and lost 80 lbs.
Being 110 lbs felt like flying. I started going to the gym, I started running! I was never fit enough to run! I looked normal, even maybe not very toned. For several years I was able to maintain weight between 110-120 lbs.
But then slowly I started gaining it back. Binging became a problem. In 3 years I was 145 lbs. Then I moved out from my family to another country to follow my dream to become an AI researcher. It was tough. There was no support system that I’ve built for my whole life, lots of expectations and obviously stress. Constant thoughts that I am not good enough. Food was comforting. Rapidly I was back to the start at 180 lbs.
My third attempt to lose weight happened due to my friend. We met at the lab and immediately hit it off. He is a very dedicated guy and after studies he went to work out. Every damn day! That was inspiring. I told him that I would like to become healthier and he was glad to help me out. During the next several months he basically took over my eating habits, brought me food when I was too busy with my deadlines and all in all provided emotional support whenever I was down. As a result of our joint effort I lost 15 lbs. When in several month he left to follow his career, I cried like a baby in the subway on my way home. Not the happiest moment of my life.
And soon I was back to my bad habits. More deadlines, more stress, becoming more depressed. Binging came back with 20 lbs.
But then one day, after being down for the whole month, I was like ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. My health can’t depend on other people. First mum, then this friend. I can do it myself. I have to. Other people are not here with me for forever. For my fourth attempt, I started cooking for myself, very low-carb, counting calories. It worked like a charm and I lost those 20 lbs in three month. And then again. Something bad happened, accumulated over time and here I am - eating all my troubles away.
Right now it is my fifth attempt. I don’t know how far I’ll go. But what I understood though out these years of constant struggle with weight is that for me external support is essential for success.
That’s why I am writing here :)
