#vyvance

or at least should

I have followers but I don’t think they read posts like these (which I’m not really mad about, just making a point), especially since I rarely make my own posts anyway. But I just felt like talking a little about my ADHD medication, and I felt like it could be insightful for anyone else with ADHD (diagnosed or not, medicated or not).

The one I just started seems pretty good I think. It wasn’t a very dramatic shift like I think people led me to believe there would be. But I’ve taken it yesterday morning and this morning.

Both times I feel like at some point I stopped and took in my surroundings. It didn’t really make me *want* to be productive, in fact I preferred to not do anything at all but exist. But starting the tasks I needed to do was fine. Like, me not wanting to do anything wasn’t stopping me from doing things.

When I tried that thing people suggested, being intentional with the medication and setting out what you want to be doing while on it, I think my non-medicated ADHD brain keeps setting unrealistic expectations for myself. Before, I would set to-do lists and there would be so much shit on there I genuinely didn’t even need to do.

And it’s only been two days, and it’s a small dose, but what I’m learning here is that only one real overall goal is possible for me I think, at a time at least. I’m not sure I’m explaining it that well. It’s like, with ADHD, I would set things up to live multiple different lifestyles, forgetting I’m just one person.

I need a reason for the things that I’m doing and the things that I’m allowing in my life. I’ve noticed how much shit wastes my time, and with that in mind, ended up decluttering my backpack, clearing out notifications on my phone, clearing out and unsubscribing to several emails. I think I’m having an easier time deciding what is for me and what isn’t. It’s like there’s a voice in my head going “my time is much more valuable than this”. Does it make me impatient? A little. But oddly enough, I’m very kind to myself on it. The impatience is more towards external factors, but that’s a different story.