Our Lady of Sorrows! Pray for Us

Sometimes I absolutely hate my reflection, and then other times, often when I haven’t seen myself in a good couple of hours, maybe even a full day, I catch myself in the bathroom mirror and am shocked by the beauty in the face that I spend a lot of time finding fault in

It’s moments like these when I remember why I looked into modeling. Good bone structure, solid symmetry and jaw line (especially as I get further in my weight loss journey), ivory skin that makes the blueish-gray in my eyes pop, and dishwater blonde hair with gentle, natural waves to it. I’m beautiful, regardless of what any dysmorphia tells me

Maybe once I hit my goal weight I can look into modeling again. I don’t look like I’ve aged that much since 18 (a blessing given to me by biologically taking after my father, who seemed to look eternally 35 until his beach blond hair became more white than blond and his crows feet finally grew), and it is a rarity these days to have such naturally pale skin. Medically my parents might have screwed me over, but phenotypically they set my sister and I up very nicely

Ya know, I absolutely hate writing, but I got struck with a story idea and for the first time in over 10 years wrote a fictional short story.

I’m not gonna lie, I really enjoyed it. All these years of being forced to write analytical essays and read books and short stories to pick them apart till they mean nothing anymore, I forgot the joy of both reading and writing a fun little story.

Guys God is so good!!! Showed up to the interview to learn they had enough people to do the stretching, BUT they needed a front desk sales person. She went over the job and it was exactly the same job I had when I worked at a Pilates studio!! I’ve also honestly been salivating at the idea of working a front desk job again with how intensive this job I currently do is.

I wanna sit at a desk all day, make phone calls, schedule people, check people in, and sell stuff. I want it sooooo bad! The owner said that she’d let me know by Friday, Monday at the very latest, but did say she thought I was very professional and customer service focussed and that she saw nothing in my resume that would make her hesitant to hire me!!!

I’m excited to also learn more about Pilates classes and if being a Pilates instructor would actually be best for me and my health. Honestly, doing this stuff in the fitness world makes me happier and much more comfortable than anything I’ve ever done in the medical field. Maybe I should explore that and see if Gods trying to completely redirect me career wise- after all, it’s not like I couldn’t make good money between the front desk job and teaching Pilates classes and it’s not the first time I would have majorly changed my career goals.

I think the gabapentin might not be working as well as it used to? I’m pretty much constantly in some pain unless im in a really hot bath. I feel very tired but I can’t get to sleep.

Got an in person interview later today, so I get to dress up and do my makeup for that, but other than that my days open for laying around.

My English class ended and I’m glad it’s finally done. Couldn’t get rescheduled for my PE class so I’m going to take that as a sign from God to not worry about that right now.

I have my second interview at a stretching place tomorrow, where hopefully I’ll be hired for when they open in mid to late August. If I am hired, then I’ll just have to work at my clinical job for maybe 4 more weeks before I can leave, so I plan to take every shift I can to make a bunch of money knowing that I’ll be able to leave soon for a job that won’t cause me as much stress

I’ve also talked more with my mom and I think I’m gonna fulfill a dream I had before my marriage of becoming a certified Pilates instructor and taking a year long comprehensive course instead of immediately going to university. I have no plans of attending university before I get my associates, and plus I’d rather do a year long course and realize I can’t do it and have to eat $8k in debt than learn that lesson at a private college and be $50k in debt.

Does anyone else have a special place in their heart for weird ADHD white men? Like Ethan Nestor and Sagan Hawkes? Like that very specific brand of weird ADHD white man