#valid feelings

But I understand the last episode being too sentimental. I mean, I didn't expect to have a Stevie Wonder song leave me feeling too much every time I hear it again. I've dealt with suicidal ideation since I was 7 (don't worry, counseling has helped me deal with it) and that lines up to about when I first asked my parents how they knew I wasn't a boy. I'm 32 and still figuring things out fully about myself, but I've learned I'm genderfluid at least. But I've been through the denial phase. Actually I just realized it was about the same time, I was in my early 20s that it was at its worst. That was the only time I snapped back at someone misgendering me, because I was struggling so hard to fit in the box I was expected to be in. I had run away from home only a few years before that (mom called the cops on me for leaving, but that's another can of worms). Grew up that type of Christian so I had it ingrained in me that I wasn't supposed to like women, that my body was the way it was because God made it that way, that it was wrong to wish for something else. Now I wish I had learned the truth sooner, but that's what it's always like looking backwards. And without the way I was raised I would never have met who I'm married to now, and his family is a big part of how my view got opened up.